So I went on a few dates at the end of last year with this girl. She was nice but there was something a little....off about her. One of the main things that really freaked me out about her was the way she treated her cat, holding him up by his arms and legs, holding down forcefully so he wouldn't run away and such. I told her that she really shouldn't do that, and that it freaked me out, and then her behavior just got sorta weird after that.
Eventually, it got to the point where my best friend had been dumped the day me and her were supposed to get together, so I broke our plans to be with my friend, who really needed the company. This REALLY upset her, and we talked about it the next day and she was like, "You ditched me for your friend! So what if he's suicidal? What if he called you at work? Would you just LEAVE?" and I said, "You're f*cking right I'd leave." That was the punch in the face I needed, so I told her I didn't want to see her anymore and that we shouldn't talk again.
Two weeks later, she calls me and leaves me a message basically saying, "Hey, we haven't talked in a while, I miss you a lot, I can't stop thinking about you, give me a call. A lot has happened in the past few weeks. You should come over and hang out soon, we have things to do. Call me."
That FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT. "We have things to do." ?!?!? If that's never been used in a slasher movie before, it should be.
Anyway, I didn't call her back. Had no reason to. She called back the next weekend, saying what she said before, "Give me a call, I really miss you, I really want to see you, I don't know why you aren't calling me back." So that night, I called her back and told her, "Look, STOP CALLING ME. We are finished. There is nothing for us to talk about. We're done, we're not right for each other, just walk away, because you are REALLY freaking me out."
And she goes, "I don't see why you feel like that, our last conversation was good, I've just been waiting to hear back from you." And I say, "Our last conversation consisted of you saying you should come before my best friend even if he's suicidal!" and she says, "I don't remember that at all." And I tell her, "That's because you're out of your f*cking mind." This went on for about ten minutes, and I finally hung up on her and she kept calling me back so I had to unplug the phone. That was two weeks ago.
She called me last night. She goes, "Hey, it's Lauren," and I immediately say, "Yeah, bye," and hang up. Then she called back. I unplugged the phone AGAIN.
WHAT THE HELL?! What was left unsaid? I told her I didn't want to see her or talk to her anymore and I told her not to call me again! WHY WOULD SHE CALL?!?
Tonight, I got about FIVE calls, no one talking, just love songs playing in the background. I would hang up and try to dial *69 just to make sure it was her, but the song was still playing since she didn't hang up. This went on for about 30 minutes until I finally got dialtone and called someone for like an hour just to get psycho broad off my back.
So, yeah. If you folks don't hear from me any time soon, I've been murdered and chopped up into tiny little pieces.
that's scary! if i were you, i'd say that "one more call and i'm calling the police". give her three more calls and do call the police. this is madness!
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i take this pretty seriously, actually. here a couple of things i think you should do:
a. get her number blocked on your phone - call the phone company and ask them to block the number, or do it manually if you can. it's generally better to inform someone official, however.
b. send her a letter by registered mail stating firmly that you wish to no longer have any contact with her whatsoever - don't even go into reasons why; don't give her anything to dispute - the officiousness of the registered mail should scare her off. there are form letters online for this kind of thing, take a look through google.
c. make a document, like this one, of everything that has happened so far, but just try to pare it down to the facts, and how you felt about the facts. mail this to yourself.
it's weird - there are people in the world who honestly seem to think any contact whatsoever gives them a right to your attention and energy. i doubt you would, but feel no guilt. their problems are their problems, and a waste of your time.
hopefully she'll never call again, but doing the above anyway will at least make you feel like you did something; you are legally protected from her possible accusations or further insanity - this is exactly the sort of person who might try to say *you* harassed *her.* protect yourself fast and well.
Last edited by jenny; 7th March 2004 at 11:31 PM..
Jesus! Sorry to hear this is happening to you! I think I recall from some of your other posts that you are in school, right? Do you live on campus? The reason I ask is that most telephoine companies have call tracing, and the way it works around here, if you activate call tracing and get the same number popping up more than four times, you can request that the phone co. send you a list of the traced number(s), and also have it sent to the police (or maybe you have to send it to the police yourself, not sure). Anyway, the point is you should use call tracing to create a record of her harrassing you, should you decide to take it to the police. The more documented evidence you have that she is a whack-job, the better.
Kevin, this is very disturbing. You should definitely document what's been going on, and as Jenny has suggested, mailing it to yourself in a sealed envelope that you don't open is a good place to start. Getting her number blocked from your phone is also a good idea.
The registered letter might be a good idea; on the other hand it might just escalate things with her. Right now it's not entirely clear what's driving her nuttiness. She just might be doing this when she's bored, or anxious about something else and this is how she tries to distract herself. If you continue to give her no feedback or encouragement, she might go away because she's not getting any satisfaction out of it. But even if she's not wholly obsessed with you, she's definitely off-balance, and I wonder if getting a letter like that from you might make her worse. It's a connection -- and even though only a twisted mind would interpret it as an invitation to have further communication with you, she has demonstrated that she has a twisted mind that sees things the way she wants to see them.
Curtail her access by blocking the phone. Document what's been going on so that if she gets to the point of frustration where she decides to lodge false accusations that you've been harassing her, you'll be able to show what's really been going on.
You're still in college, Kevin, right? Talk to someone in the Dean's office, or your RA if you're in a dorm. Make it known what's going on, even if you don't want any action taken as yet. You need to protect yourself in case she's really disturbed.
i think this is probably just a stage of obsession.
maybe she feels for you in a way that she's never felt for any guy before....you could be the first.
she probably doesnt know how to handle this situation well, so she thinks she knows how to handle it but in reality it's all sooo very wrong!!
maybe you should try seeking her folks and find out WTF is wrong w/her in the head. maybe she was in an accident in the past. if she calls again next time, ask her if she's ever had any head injuries in the past....if she says YES, then run like a bit*h!!!
That would scare the hell out of me. This girl does seem delusional and obsessive but try not to worry too much. It may be unpleasant but statistically it's fairly rare for such people to become violent, that's the stereotype of mental illness.
Having said that, it has to stop. Any contact will be twisted to feed the obsession. You have been very clear already, there's no need to contact her again. I would document what's happened, block calls. Report it to the police if she tries to see you in person.
Kevin, I seem to attract these wacko's to.
Had one going around telling people we were this couple madly in love and all kinda crazy stuff. We never even dated. I was just nice and talked to him.Would not leave me alone! I had to get the police involved.
Another tried to take over my idenity. Pretended to be me, actually told people he was me. Someone he told knew me and let me know. That was a short lived relationship. I thought he was an ok guy until then.
One guy I dated for about a month had split personalities three or four. He was a nice guy. One minute he was his normal self then next thing I knew he was some
southern gentleman from a great plantation with as he stated ruby red chandeliers and bountiful fields of cotton.
I think you can handle this chick, just be careful.
Ahhh I'm not really worried. I could easily take her, no problem, then again if she's coming at me with a knife, who knows.
I'm callblocking her when I get home. I got an IM last night while I was away from someone I don't know, saying, "Hi Kevin. I miss you." It was probably her, but I dunno for sure.
I'm not in college anymore, by the way. Graduated last year.
THis is just F*CKED up. How weird. What the hell could be going thru her head? Maybe she just wants to freak me out on purpose, but even then, why would she want to do that? That's just insane. It's ALL insane. Yikes.
If DerangedAngel was stalking me, I wouldn't be complaining one bit. Unless I found a rabbit boiling in a pot or something from her.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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