I think I knew, those 2 names are the same person.....

I had forgotten that I posted this so long ago, and wonder now why I didn't see it, that they were still married.

Half truths suck, especially when it comes down to the other person saying that they don't love you anymore, and maybe haven't for a long time. Thats the biggest bullet to swallow.

I guess now it doesnt matter, and with all my questions I still have left, I know that I will never get any answers. I went from being on top of the world in love with a man, to feeling as though maybe it never existed, and here I remain, somewhere in the middle, unsure of what even happened.

I don't know ... I just hope time will heal this ...

I wonder what the last poster means by saying people were right.

[ziggue]

Originally posted by befuddled11
Why would you want to get mixed up in such a crazy type of deal? Find yourself a nice single local guy who doesn't have kids and an ex wife it will be much simpler.

I agree. Trust me it is. My current relationship is like a breath of freash air. You will feel that and appreciate your relationship a whole lot more if you finally find someone who has no baggage or attachments in their life. I do coming from the same kind of situations.

I have been there. Dated a guy with kids locally and a a guy with kids couple of hours away. It's too much to deal with. For me anyway. You know the Ex is always gonna be there. The Ex will have more say and control over the relationship because she is the mother of his child.

Everybody probably knows about this now from other threads I have posted. . Lol.

I got out of those situations. So glad I did. It might work for some, but not others.

When you don't have to deal with that kind of stuff in a relationship anybody will tell you how much easier it is. I don't mean anything bad by it. I am just telling the truth.

[Papillon]

I think you're too young at 22 to be critical of a man who is 10 years older than you and has lived an entire part of his life in a way you don't have the foggiest clue how to identify with, yet, until you get married and have kids of your own.

It's simple - he has a history, and he has children, who are MUCH more important to him than you will ever be, sorry to say. You will always play second fiddle to that, and you have to decide whether it's acceptable for you. Also, interaction with the ex is inevitable, because of the kids. You have to live with it or leave.

i am having the same problem; i am 22,the guy's 35 newly divorced, his 45 yrs old ex lives with their young son. I've never got involved with anybody with a child before. This all seems so overwhelming to me who still goes to school and persuaing a doctor degree.

We've been seeing each other approximately twice a month for 4 months now. Things are going very well between us except we cannot spent more time together.

First off his schedual's completely packed. Second,his ex-wife is living off of him 37grand a year house& car all paid off mainly he doesn't want his son's lifestyle get changed. That explains why he works 60 hours a week.These are the facts of the situation where i stand mutual and will not step into. However the impacts on us are tremendous, we never went on a date,not even casual!(financial reason) If his ex gets a new cell phone, join a new gym/went on a spa trip or her daughters(both from previous marriage)get a new car. then that means he will have to work extra hours that week/month and our date therefore postponed.

This is exactly the situation i hate to be in, the ex's complaining again;the
kid's mad at him again; the house needs him to work on; stepdaughter's birthday; have the talk with stepdaughter's date...it feels like i am dating his whole ex-crew.

My struggle would be more on the moral ground, should i give in more,should i compromise more,should i be more patient, if i was in his shoe maybe i would be more understanble... at the same time what about my benchmark?

My first response, after reading what you wrote, was to tell you to run for the hills. Run fast, and dont look back. But who am I to try and influence your decision based off of my bad experience. I know that for me, it was to much, and eventually we broke up. Turned out that it wasn't his ex wife, they hadn't gotten divorced yet. I understand maybe he had reasons for that, but I couldnt handle anymore lies, there had been to many.
It hurt, still does a lil, I loved him alot, and wanted to be with him. How can you ask someone to respect you and be good to you, when you allow such bull from them? Basically you cant. I am now out there dating again, and have met some really nice men. Men who dont have the ex wife issues, or the current wife issues, men who arent trying to take away my options by lying to me.
I guess the only thing to say, is that inside of you, you know if this is the right situation for you. If you listen hard enough you will hear it, but you have to be willing to accept the answer that comes, rather than doing what i did, and trying to convince yourself that your heart was really saying yes. It wasnt.
I have learned alot, so much from this relationship, and in no way do i regret it. I hope that he is happy, and that he is someday able to be secure in himself enough to feel like he can be loved for who he is, rather than what he would like to pretend to be. I definately hope that he will find that security in himself where he knows that he is ok.
Other than that, i am glad it is done, the headaches are over, and I feel free.

[pinenuts]

thanks for the advice, and i guess deep down inside i knew all along this was a bad deal so i did what i did. when you wanna end the pain you gotta do it quick it hurt for a good minute but no suffering in the long run! thanks again, take it easy...