I felt the need to write to her for the last time. Maybe I'll get a response, maybe I won't. I doubt I will. Here's what I wrote:
Hello.
I'm not sure what the chances of you actually reading this are. Probably not very good. But I thought I'd give it a shot anyway.
I thought I should tell you that I'm moving to Los Angeles at the end of April. I'm sure it doesn't really matter too much...but...I don't know. I thought you might like to know that I'm finally going to do what I've always wanted to do. Exciting and terrifying at the same time, if that makes any sense.
You can write back to this if you want. I'm not expecting a reply. Just know that I think of you often. Only good things. I learned from the bad things that happened between us but I choose to remember only the good things. Maybe that's stupid of me. Could be. Who knows. But it's what I prefer. I'd rather remember something that makes me smile than remembering something that makes me sad or regretful or shameful.
I hope you're doing well...in school, work, and just life in general. And that your family is doing fine. I know how much they mean to you.
I don't ever have the heart to be kind about an ex.....not MINE anyway.
I DO think writing what is on your mind is a good thing though. I think anyone should do whatever it takes to make them feel better and more sane about the 'break up from hell'.
I don't know if you'll get a response...or if you even care. The important thing is to get it off of your chest.
Please tell me you didn't send anything. Samson has it right. Burn, baby, burn! A letter is a good thought exercise to clear the mind, but that's it. Don't send it. Silence is an action that speaks loudly.
Man, you're going to Southern California! If, by the end of July, we haven't seen a post here from you about your new surfer girl porn star girlfriend, I'm going to fly out there myself and put my foot in your a** !!!
Just kidding. Look forward to the trip and new life, not back to the crap you're leaving behind. Close an old chapter and just enjoy the feeling of not knowing what will come next.
Sending that basically is closing the chapter, basically.
I'm not in love with her anymore, I couldn't be, not after all that, but I do still care deeply about her. But it's done. I'm moving on to bigger and better things.
Kevin I think it shows maturity that you are able to express feelings to your ex in a way that isn't spiteful or negative. I wrote those kinds of letters often in between with my on again off again bf. Then a few hours later I would find myself writing him one that told him what a childish little pr**ck he was!
As long as you don't expect anything out of it...then you're find. If your heart is resting with hope for some reconciliation then you might be in trouble. But you are high-tailing it out of there...so, I can see your point in closing the chapter in that way.
Actually, I think you sending the letter to her was a good thing. I'm sure it brought some more closure to your relationship in your eyes. Maybe it did the same for her as well, whether she responds to you or not.
I know you said you weren't 'expecting' a reply, but if it's what you're wanting: I hope you hear a little something back from her.
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