Hi guys, i am new to the group. Ok, so basically i have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, the first healthy relationship. I have always had drama in relationships int he past and guys that havent treated me well. with this guy, and i have always been so happy when we are together. the thing is lately i have been experiencing a lot of anxiety, i am seeing a therapist and i am on medication. One thng that has always remained so far in our relationship is my feelings for him, and if anything, when i started having anxiety i feared i would lose him because he wouldnt understnad. howeve,r he has stuck by me and i feel as if i dont edeserve him. Lately i have been having these obsessive thoughts about whether or not i reallylove him. i feel as if i do but for some reason i am uneasy. i guess becausei have these doubts and i dont want to hurt him. Im not sure if they are just fears or anxiety connected to my disorder, or if they are truly that i am falling out of love. when we are together, i love the time we spend togehter, but im afraid im gonna start having those doubts. it is not as if i have any desire to be single and i know he is the only guy for me, but i worry as to why i ever think these things. if someone could offer some comments i would really appreciat ie it.
This is just my personal opinion, but sometimes when we're in a long term relationship (close to a year or more) the passion, intensity, excitement tones down. The huge rush and the thrill starts fading. Then we start to question our feelings for our partners.
But during this phase of the relationship ( after the "infatuation" is over ) I think this is when "true" love sets in and deepens. It's the kind of love that matures. You start to love the person for their flaws and accept them for who they are.
Although some people can't handle not feeling the intensity of the relationship as it matures. They expect that feeling to last through the whole relationship and once it starts to tone down, they want to look else where. It's almost like a "high" to some people to always have that intense feeling. I will categorize these people as "committment phobes". They're fine until someone better comes along. Some people will always look for "greener pastures".
I am not sure what you're exactly feeling. But if it's a healthy relationship and you can't imagine your life without him. I would just say you are going through a phase.
thanks, that makes me feel a lot better. its a tough situation because now i am worrying about having the doubts, rather than having them themselves. hes a wonderful guy and up until this poitn i have been so in love, so im hoping that is what it is. when i see myself having these doubts, it puts me into a state of panic. i just dont want to do anything rash or anything as a result of my anxiety.
thanks for your reply!
When you've been in BAD relationships in the past, and you finaly get Mr. Right you get the feeling that it's just going to blow up in your face. I've been there I know the feeling. It's to good to be true it can't last. True love only happens in romance novels and movies. Well I now know for a fact it is possible. Stop doubting things it's real enjoy it.
But... to be on the safe side discuse this with your therapist, he/she knows you much better then we do. Maybe you need a med ajustment. Good Luck and welcome to the forum.
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No matter how negative a situation, is it always gives you a postive, you just have to be open enough to find it.
Hi, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. If this person is really the person that you are describing. Than you have a great thing going. Everyone has doubts in their relationships. Don't take true love for granted. Work with your therapist to sort out your feelings and by the sounds of it he will be still there to support you and love you. I think that your doubts are separate from your true feelings. People who want to break up don't feel the way you do or say the things you do-people in love do. If this means as much to you as it sounds, then sorting through your feelings and working on getting back to who you are and what you really feel. I'm no expert, but its sounds like you have someone who is pretty rare-so embrace it. Passion may fade over time, but true love will overcome any doubts and any issues. The noticable fact of your description is that you care so much and you want this to work so much. It sounds like your anxiety is taking control of your mind. Listen to your heart. I hope this was some help at least.
thank you,
im beginnng to wonder, what do people who want to break up think like? im wondering if this is just something i dont want to admit to myself, but i cant imagine my life without him and idont want anyone else. im feeling so down tonight because i finally find what i am waiting for all my life, i have felt so happy for months, and thenn boom, one day i start feeling this way. is it possible for feelings to change so quickly? i cant bear to let him go, but i just dont know why i keep having this nagging feelings.
It could actually be body chemistry. The love high (feel good chemical) is fading and the loss of it (or withdrawal) may be making you feel this way.
Just a thought. ???
thanks for the advice. yeah, im not sure what it is. is it just that maybe its so good i dont want to let it go? or that i really do love him. i feel that i do, but i think now over time the relationship has developed into something deeper. a deeper emotional connection that goes past chemistry.
i really hopei can get past this though
People who are not in love clearly do not act the way you do. They don't have desire to see their s/o. They don't miss them when they're not around. It seems to me that you are definitely in love-but are having somewhat of a hard time coping with it. I think you should try to focus on the good parts of the relationship as opposed to the parts you doubt. You are very fortunate and what you have is a gift from God. Focusing on the good parts of your life and speciifically your relationship will allow you to see that you really don't have too many problems at all. I feel that you are truly in love just by reading your postings. Your descriptions are passionate and are indicative of someone in love. Follow your heart. Sometimes your heart is more rational than your head.
yes, thanks for your response. i think you are right. this is just a thought i have gotten in my head and now im running with it. i just keep imagining the girls who find the right guy but just dont feel anything for him, but i mean i would imagine that would have happened already if it hasnt happened by now right?
Your just imaging worst case scenarios-not your particular scenario. If you love this person as much as you say you do-your're not in that boat. You need to let your heart do the leading and follow that. I definitely don't get the impression you feel that way at all. You are in love, you have a great thing going. Accept it, embrace it, and enjoy it. Just live your life and let the relationship take its course.
thank you so much for making me feel so much bette.r you have no idea how much this means. if you need some advice, please feel free
thanks for taking the time to care to respond to my postings
but if its causing me this much anxiety? should i just let it go? i mean i know these are just thoughts, and chances are they will turn up in every healthy relationship i have, but sometimes i think, wow, it would be easier to be alone. never have to worry about any of this.
then again, i woul dlose him, which means a lot. but sometimes the worry just gets so bad i dont know which would be worse.
No, you definitely shouldn't give up or think that way. When you say other future healthy relationships, do you want to pursue someone else? Saying what you said is the easy way out and not the right answer. Why don't you enjoy focusing on the positives of your relationship. Don't rush to any judgement. He seems to really love you and will be there for you. Having someone like that should be a blessing to you and your problems. Don't you want someone there to help you? Maybe God has sent this person to earth to be the one for you and to help you with this problem.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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