Dyermaker, can you give me some advice on getting back toge....!
Just joking man!!
Miss Prolixity, i'm in your shoes & it's taken me time to realise this, but it's for the best, give em space, it's the only way, you push they pull & vica versa.
But there's a fine line between them thinking your forgetting & getting over them & doing it because the ultimate goal is attempting getting back. Make sure they know your feelings, then back off.
My grandparents split 3 times & got back together again, each time when they said never again, they were married 68 years! No-one knows the future, be positive!
wow monkey thats re-assuring to know.. I guess splitting up doesn't always mean the end if its meant to be... shame we havent got the gift of knowing if something is meant to be or not though
I don't think it's healthy to think that things WILL work out after a break up, though, I think it's best to move on, or at least try to and NOT think "we'll get back together" because if it doesn't happen, you will be severely let down, depressed and disappointed, but if it DOES happen and it's not expected, think of the wonderful joy you'll feel.
But then with that, there will always be the looming fear of, "Will it happen again?"
Kevin your so right,
at xmas time i was becoming so desperate & obsesive that i thought i wouldn't get over this, & yes i still love her but the pain seems to be subsiding naturaly, although what we did, going to a lovely part of the Texan coast to start a life together & now i'm back here at my family home in dreary Sheffield in England does get me pissed off with myself over what could have been.
Yes, this has installed a fear in me for other relationships about commiting so much to a dream, my s/o is Hungarian & spending romantic times by the Danube listnening to liszt & soaking up the vibe, makes the loss more intense & wanting to get it back, so different from other relationships that were, at the time full of love but i'd always wanted this kind, now it seems over. This is why i hang on until time has elapsed. I don't wanna go into my details again but... time!
Originally posted by lostforwords
Yes its happened, an ex and I had split up for just about 6 months and then got back together, however it only lasted for another 8 months..... LMAO
I just don't want to hold onto any expectations of "what could've been." I've been apart from my ex for a month and a half and neither one of us has contacted each other so far. I told him the night we broke-up that being friends would be too hard because I am attached. But as I was leaving, he said he would e-mail me sometime to let me know how he was doing.
Our break-up was quite different than mosts (long story). But I will say this, he told me that we get along great and have tons of fun together, but he felt I kept our relationship taboo, therefore he had to end it. Basically, he felt I held up walls that he couldn't break down and that he wasn't allowed into my personal life. Which I can understand from his perspective.
I do believe in the saying, "if it's meant to be, it will be". But, a part of me wonders if both aren't contacting each other, both conclude that the other is trying to move on so neither will make an effort to salvage the relationship. Just a theory.
Anyways, I guess time will only tell. Thanks for the replies.
Miss_Prolixity only time will tell My relationship ended similar to yours i told my ex bf that he could kiss my arse if he ever thought i could be friends with him as i walked out the door (he cheated) so a little harsher than yours.. i had no intention of calling him even though it killed me we had been together nearly 9 years so you can imagine the state i was in... anyways 2 months down the line he calls me crying while with the other girl who he cheated with saying he missed me.. i put the phone down on him cos i couldn't handle it.. three months after that I got an e-mail from him asking how i was.. i missed him terrribly even though I was with someone else at this point i still couldn;t deal with it told him that he should never contact me again, that i hated his guts and hoped him and his pig girlfriend were miserable together.. i couldn;t believe he has contacted me after 5 months I was angry but i still loved the guy but refused to give in to him cos he hurt me so much.. I thought that was it.. well a whole 11 months later i get yet another e-mail asking me how i am.. i guess the anger had subsided and i just missed him too much so I gave in ..
we got back together for a month during that month it was clear he was unstable and clinically depressed the guilt over what he had done to us was just eating away at him.. he said he needed to get himself sorted out and has currently pushed me away he cant even look at me without crying.. I haven't spoken to him for over a month and right now i dont know if i'm coming or going... i used to believe in if its meant to be now i just dont know I am right back to square one.. lost, hurt and helpless..
sorry guys I guess i just needed to vent!! my point is if he wants to contact you regardless of the time he will.. if that helps at all..
Look forward, so in that 1 month you got back together, did he get to kiss your arse as you said, if he remained your friend?
I too feel guilt over how my anxiety problem had an affect on my s/o. I tell her this in my mails, however, i don't want her to think i'm creeping.
How did you feel about his depression & could you have lived with it?
Monkey in that 1 month we got back together he did some arse kissing but it was all good I was really happy.. I didn't harp on about what had happened it had been acknlowledged he hurt me we hurt each other we were moving on from that and trying to see if we could make things work .. But he couldn't let go of what he had done.. I just dont get it I didn't end up in a mental home or anything I was fine so why did he let the guilt engulf him??
I feel angry that his depression has got in the way of our second chance and I really wanted to help him through it but he thought he had put me through enough grief... It upsets me how he has pushed me away and wont even talk to me now I havent seen him in over a month now and when i last saw him he was in tears he couldn;t even look at me.. I dont see how he will ever come back from that for us to have a fair shot of working things out...
Monkey - are you suffering with the same kind of guilt?? pm me I'd like to hear your story.. it might also help me understand whats going on in his head..
Man, I am reading your forum here and l am thinking wow! I have a similar thing with my ex girlfriend, I know outright that her depression and hang ups in life are the reason why she has left me. She moved out yesterday but tells me that she would still like every morning to bring me a cup of coffee in the morning..
She also tells me that she knows that what I offer her in life (a nice quiet steady life with no dramas - hell, she would know after 14 months of living together) and that she wants to ultimately be at least a friend.
Now, she is gone and has moved out of a loving home into an environment with a complete stranger - dumb to the extreme (and no one will tell me otherwise.) Now I know (and she verified it) that I am a good bloke, I looked after and supported her and gave her a situation that was highly enriching and varied.
Only problem is she is depressed.
I ont know what she is thinking, I dont know what is wrong, but what I know is that at the end of the day i did nothing wrong. Her depression is what is causing the problems.
My concern is that once she comes back (and I feel she ultimately will) will I be a slave to her problems too? I love her deeply and really care for her but do I want this crap in my life?
I dont ever expect it to be easy. But at the end of the day I know what I think I can help her achieve.
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What are the chances?
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