[gilmore]

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and my life is hell. He won't work - by choice, has been content with me working my behind off to support the family all along, has trashed my credit, depleted my savings, has stolen from me, and will not go away. We have a young child together. He says that he wants to leave as soon as he finds a job, but won't put much effort into finding one. By law, I cannot have him removed from the home without physical abuse (he doesn't hit), and cannot afford to walk away from a lease that is in my name. I can file for divorce while he is in the house, they won't grant it until he is out.

He is verbally abusive in front of our child, and anything I ask our daughter to do - he tells her it's okay. He has destroyed my effectiveness as a parent in trying to teach our daughter what's okay and what isn't. He teaches her foul language and laughs when she repeats it.
He has no sense of responsibility - doesn't believe in wasting the time to file taxes (I do it anyway), has lost checking accounts in his name by living beyond his means, doesn't care whether or not bills get paid, has never kept a job for more than a year, and states that he will not "lower himself" to perform jobs that he feels are beneath him.

Nobody has to tell me about my part in this - I realize it and just want to fix things. He doesn't listen to reason, and has no respect for me or any other female.
My friends all have advice that has a higher price tag than I can come up with i.e. rent a place for him, walk away from the lease, etc. They also tell me they would throw him out - you can't if he won't leave. Telling him daily that you want him out, changing the locks, taking away the money, and making life difficult are all things that do not work with everyone. I have tried this.

[doniker]

Originally posted by gilmore
I can file for divorce while he is in the house, they won't grant it until he is out.

I don't know what the law is in your state but here in Ohio what the court says, goes.

My wife's friend filed for divorce and the husband stayed until the divorce was granted.

The judge told him to get out and stay out or face going to jail.

----

I understand your desperation, and it sucks that the law can't help you. But he does have rights and you are legally bound together. I guess this is what "for better or worse" is all about.

You are going to have to get a lawyer somehow....it may take time but if you really want to get away you can.

[xalysabethh]

i also dont know what the laws are in your state but what it is in my state is that ifyour name is the only one on the lease you can have him legally evicted. you have to g o to the court house maybe do this and file for divorce . but you'll have to check into your laws. maybe contact a lawyer ask what they suggest many give free consulatations
xalsyabeth

[midori]

the above suggestion about having him evicted if you are the sole leaseholder is a good thing to check out. You might also speak with your landlord. See if he/she would be willing to release you from the lease within a shorter amount of time. Explain the situation, tell the landlord you'd like to give them a reasonable amount of time to find a new tenent. Promise that you'll have the place in a good state to be shown to new prospective tenents and will cooperate so that things will be as easy for them as possible. Maybe your landlord will be understanding.

Good luck.

[SoleMate]

Please see a qualified lawyer or Legal Aid Society. You CAN get a divorce! And I would start documenting everything you have told us in a journal. The judge will want to see it.

Getting him out of your life is clearly the right thing. Please let us know how we can help.

[gilmore]

When my friend told me about this sight and that there were people who were kind, non-judgemental, and willing to help, I was dubious at best. I'm glad she was right - thank you for the thoughtful suggestions.

[texas34]

It seems like you are in a pretty bad place absolutley you can have him removed from your home by law in oregon (have an aunt who lives there who had her husband removed from her home) if you have a lease he is required by law bc he is over 18 (i assume) for income tax reasons he MUST be on the lease if not he techniclly does not live there (at least according to uncle sam) and also in my state verbal abuse is grounds for a divorce he may not beat you down phisiclly but emotionly he does and a court should recognize that if you want contact your local police dept and ask about fileing a restraining order on him and your children from experince the police will not take a restraning order violition lightly (possibly a night in jail or more for repeted violations

best luck
god knows we all need a little advice sometimes