i wanted to just relax and bum around the house this a.m. but ricky wanted to go to church.

I was slightly bummed about it cause he was going with his family then they sometimes go to breakfast then he goes with them other places and blah blah blah I don't see him till later in the day.

so I was kind of disappointed about it, and then his sister in law called and invited us over for the super bowl this evening.

he told her were going to just hang out here. when he got off the phone I asked him who that was and he told me it was kathy, and said I told her we wouldn't be going over there cause I know you NEVER want to do family things, have friends over or do things with other people.

I was so hurt by his remark. I asked him what the hell he wanted to do then about it. he said when he was younger they/he always had family and friends over the dinner, etc.

so now I feel like I'm anti-social again, and I'm very hurt by his remarks too.
we've been together for several years and rarely has he ever mentioned inviting anyone over to our house.

we had a house warming when we first moved in three years ago and a couple holiday get togethers since then as well.

but we don't invite others over on a social basisa and honestly i've never thought of it and was surprised when he threw it in my face this morning.

i feel that all i do anyway is screw up his life and hold him back from enjoying his life.

is it better sometimes to just leave someone so they have their own life back? i'm just hurt by his remarks and confused by it all and it's cold outside and i don't want to go outside today.
he never even mentions things like this and I guess it is my fault for that too cause he knows I wont want too.

[good to go]

If he has feelings for you he should take into consideration on how and what you wanted to do today instead of blaming you.

To me it sounds like he isn't very open with his feelings to you but can be about you to other people,and not all in a positive way.

good luck dear

[moimeme]

It sounds as though you are both making assumptions rather than communicating. He should have mentioned that he would like to have people over and you should have had a discussion about it. You assumed he didn't want company - and he has been thinking you are antisocial but neither of you checked with the other to see whether your assumptions were true.

Now have the discussion. See how often he'd like to have company. Work out a plan. Offer to go today - after all, it sounds as though he's been doing what he thinks you wanted for a long time so it would be nice to do something that he wants in return.

yes communication is something we both suck at. i never realized it was important to him because he has never really conveyed that message to me, but now that he has we can do something about it. i have no objections about having people over if that is what he wants to do. now i feel angry that he has hurt me anyway without even conveying this message to me and instead putting me down for it. i will get over it though i am sure, but i know if we don't have communication we don't have anything, but i still feel at times that all i do is ruin his life. i don't feel comfortable in a lot of situations with a lot of people around so i do avoid things but then again they rarely come up anyway, so i guess i don't really think of it much!

thanks for the input.

[Vivid_29]

You know, you've mentioned twice how you were hurt by his remark. Have you told him how you felt?

~V

i have not yet had the chance to tell him anything because shortly afte his remark he left and i was too busy listening to my head real about how much i seem to be ruining his life. i did send him an email after i got my thoughts back, and told him that i am not a mind reader that i did not know he felt that way and what does he want to do about it, so we'll see what he has to say about it.

[Arabess]

I agree....you two definitely need to talk about your feelings.

In a relationship though, there has to be a social compatibility factor. Some people enjoy hanging around with friends and family.....more so than others. If you are with someone who enjoys doing that....then there are times when you DO need to compromise your preference to stay home and go with them. Maybe swap off weekends....so both of you get what you want.

I'm more of a home person.....unless I feel like drinking....HAHA! I really DO understand. I enjoy hanging out at home with no one visiting or bugging me. It's another reason why I've stayed single. If I was in a relationship with someone who wanted to go out all the time.....I'd be miserable.

So, why don't the two of you talk about it.....and make some compromises as to when and when not you need to spend time with friends and family. If you don't settle this....it'll be an endless problem.