we've talked like twice in 2 weeks (on the internet) both times lasted no more than 5 minutes....im a guy shes a girl...we use to talk 2-3 times daily for hours...but now that she got back with her boyfriend she no longer talks to me...i was excited bout a trip we that we planned to go skiing back before her and her boyfriend got back together but she notified me the other day on the internet and said that she wasnt goin with me and i asked why and her response was...."i would...but u know"...i guess her boyfriend wont allow her or somethin? i dunno....i miss her a lot....why do u think she doesnt talk to me anymore? maybe her man wont let her?...or she jsut doesnt care for me anymore?
I would say she does still care for you, but is working out the groundrules of appropriate behaviour with members of the opposite sex with her boyfriend. He may feel uncomfortable with her talking to you often, or going away on a holiday, and that is understandable. Things do change when someone starts seeing someone, but it certainly shouldn't result in the end of a good friendship, or in it being scaled back too much. Have you asked her directly? Maybe that would help clear things up a bit for you. People's priorities do shift quite a bit once they have a partner to consider, and I am sorry that you miss her friendship. Talk to her about it, without being too pushy or accusing her of anything. Hope it evens out for you, but please also understand she has her bf to consider now too.
I don't think that she's forgotten about you, but she has to focus on her relationship with her boyfriend. It sounds like you really like her. Were the two of you involved before?
It's a tough situation, but sometimes we have to unselfishly let our loved ones go. I'm sure that you are still in her thoughts and that she has a special place for you, in her heart!
Since I have so many male friends, I've often wondered what I would do if I were in a relationship and he asked me to 'curb' my contact with those friends. It would really depend on how serious I was about the relationship.
I wouldn't care about my friends any less......but maybe....I'd have to make a decision.
Maybe that's what your friend is doing. She is giving time to her new relationship and is spending less time with her friends.
I think all you can do is let her know you are still buddies and she can call you anytime to hang out if she gets some free time.
I understand your concern - after all, you have only a platonic relationship with your friend and yet you can see why she is probably not seeing you as much as usual. My boyfriend doesn't mind my male friends too much, although some of them he seems to think have 'ulterior motives' (which is ridiculous! one of these was my best friends' boyfriend at the time!!). But it works both ways, as I am a little skeptical of some of my boyfriend's female friends (although I actually have a little bit more of a reason - he's had one night stands/fooled around with the ones I get a little miffed about). I never have actually said that he couldn't see them though.
I think at the (re-)start of a relationship, so much pressure is on both parties to make it work (this time). They are both trying to compromise their friends, opinions etc at this initial stage, possibly to just 'keep them happy'. I know at the beginning of my relationship with my bf, I hardly saw my friends. I did neglect them, because I was having such a great time. Now we're settled and relaxed, we all just hang out. My friends are his, his are mine etc.
To cut this short (I can never post small posts lol) - she is probably not speaking to you as much because he has asked her not to and she is compromising this with him. Give it time - based on my experience, things settle down after a while and perhaps he won't mind your relationship. If not, Vivid says it well: "sometimes we have to unselfishly let our loved ones go".
yeah well..the reason they broke up in the past is because he wouldnt let her do anything and he was always jealous of who she talked to...she didnt have many friends at all....cause of him.....and me and him dont get along very well....he knows i dont like him...he dont like me....but i dont see why she would go along with him if thats the reason she broke up with him in the past...
Originally posted by insearchof
yeah well..the reason they broke up in the past is because he wouldnt let her do anything and he was always jealous of who she talked to...she didnt have many friends at all....cause of him.....and me and him dont get along very well....he knows i dont like him...he dont like me....but i dont see why she would go along with him if thats the reason she broke up with him in the past...
Makes alot more sense after you explaining that, thanks.
She is probably giving him another chance, trying to make it work. She sounds like she's very dependent on him - how did she handle the time she had away from him? Did she miss him, constantly talk/think about him?
I understand that you have to sacrifice certain things to make relationships work and sometimes we do have to let people go and get on with their own life, BUT it sounds like she isn't allowed to have anything. If he continues to act this way, again, and she had a good time when she was without him, with time she'll realise that she deserves better than a possessive and jealous-stricken boyfriend. Then, I'm sure she'll come back. Seriously, just give it time.
haha well...i had my first contact with her in person in over 2 weeks or so....but it was at a ball game in which her boyfriend plays in and i was sittin bout 2 rows down from her and i hear someone call out my name twice and i look back and its her....but all she said was HEY....and i nodded....and turned back around....well...i guess its a good thing she still says hi to me haha
Originally posted by insearchof
haha well...i had my first contact with her in person in over 2 weeks or so....but it was at a ball game in which her boyfriend plays in and i was sittin bout 2 rows down from her and i hear someone call out my name twice and i look back and its her....but all she said was HEY....and i nodded....and turned back around....well...i guess its a good thing she still says hi to me haha
She probably misses you as much as you miss her, and if she made an effect to speak to YOU (when her boyfriend isn't with her I might add), you know she wants to talk to you and catch up. I think with time she'll miss her friends and old life so much, she may end up getting rid of this guy........
yeah..i guess ur right...if she didnt care she wouldnt try and talk to me...maybe someday soon ill get to ask her about it and find out some things....just dont know when ill get the chance since i never get to talk to her anymore...
haha well....for some reason today....i was on my icq (for those of u who know what that is) lol....and i get a message from her asking about my "info" part of my icq....it has in it where im saying "HEY" to two of my female friends...maybe they could be future dating partners...who knows....anyway....she sent me a message saying "do u have those girls in there to make me mad?" and i was like..."uh no..they are my friends"..and then she said "Well..i dont like either one of them" and then she jsut got offline...so...i have no idea why she would say that.....
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