dating a not-quite-divorced guy

guest

i'm in a situation i've never been in before and i'd like to get some feedback. about a month ago i met a really great guy. we're both in our early thirties. i've never been married, but he has .... in fact, technically, he still is. he was very up front about his situation before we went on our first date. they've been married for six years, they have a five year old boy.

the marriage has been bad for the last three years. they tried counseling but it didn't work. in july he decided to move out, a choice his wife strongly objected to. despite their constant fighting she insisted that the marriage be kept intact. she couldn't even argue that it was for their son's sake, as the little boy was very troubled by his parents constant fighting. according to him, she has been in denial about their relationship for a long time. in counseling, and at other times, he told her point-blank: "i don't love you anymore. i just want to work out the best arrangement for our son." to which she replied, "you just don't know what love is. you do love me you just don't know it."

so he moved out, they both filed for divorce in august. but she has been using their son as a pawn to hold up the divorce and to make things as onerous for her ex as possible. they're in litigation about custody (she wants sole, he wants joint). so that's why the divorce isn't final.

now to my question: I have never been involved with a married man before. to be honest, I wouldn't, but for all intents and purposes he's not married. he has his own fully furnished place with a fully furnished bedroom for his son. he really does seem to be leveling with me, my gut instinct isn't troubled by this at all. on the other hand i really like this guy and i just need a reality check: am I being very foolish by getting involved with him?

I'm pretty observant and it does seem like he's emotionally over his wife. He refers to her as his ex. He doesn't bad-mouth her, even when she angers him with new twists as to what she wants for their son. He's willing and able to talk about her and the marriage in a calm and reasoned way; but he's not obsessed with it. He's a very intelligent guy, and emotionally intelligent as well.

We're both very busy with our careers and he has the added responsibility of his son (2 days per week and every other weekend, he seems to be a terrific, involved dad) and the custody negotiations. So we're not in each other's hair 24/7. but I feel like we're growing close to each other and it would be easy for me to fall pretty hard for him.

anyone with experience in these matters, please advise: am I being foolish? are there warning signs I'm missing? thanks!