I'm a woman. Two years ago, I was channel surfing and I came across a TV show with some gay guys. I realized the gay guys' kissing really turned me on, so I started to look for more hardcore gay porn online. I feel really guilty about this, but I'm really turned on by gay man-on-man action and I have fantasies about watching that sort of thing in real life, or having a MMW threesome (with gay action included). I don't think I would be with two guys at once though because it would be scary and overstimulating. My BF isn't into gay stuff, anyway.

As if that's not bad enough, I think I'm turning gay-ish, too. I used to be 100% straight and didn't have even the slightest interest in women's bodies. Since this summer, I've been having softcore sexual fantasies of myself with other women, and have been seeking out softcore pix of woman-on-woman action. These days, I'm turned on by pix of large bare breasts! All my life, even now, I've never even had a CRUSH on any real-life 3-D woman nor have I ever been remotely sexually interested in or attracted to a female. Now I'm having fantasies and a urge to secretly experiment (but not with any woman in particular). I've even tried to find bicurious women online to meet and experiment, but always chicken out. I don't think I'd want a woman to touch me. Sometimes the thought still repels me. The thought of a woman going down on me disgusts me, honestly. Yet it would be exciting to have a secret homoerotic affair with a woman. She and I would be friends, and no one would ever suspect what we were doing in private. My mind doesn't want to do it, but the fantasies and urges won't stop! I even look at naked females more than hot naked males these days. My BF isn't into lesbian action and would never condone any experimentation. He would dump me if he thought I was bisexual.

What's wrong with me? Is this a phase? Is it because I know being with a woman would be dangerous and taboo? I grew up in a Christian home and church and it's against my religion (I'd probably be disowned). Maybe I'm being punished because I always thought it was wrong and unnatural to be gay...like a biological error. I'm so humiliated. I'm the last person I thought would ever turn gay. No one would ever suspect anything like this from ME, either. My BF and family would swear on their lives that I'm not the least bit sexually interested in women. I can't, won't and haven't talked to anyone about this. Um...help?! :-(

I'm 'round about 20 years old, BTW.

[moimeme]

Don't panic about this. First of all, women are an acknowledged market for gay male porn. It's not at all uncommon. As for the bi fantasies, it could be a phase of your sexuality; it seems you are content to keep it theoretical and not actually try it. Or, you could be a latent bisexual. This isn't punishment, just life teaching you that you can't hold black-and-white opinions about others' sexuality because they'll often come back to bite you.

The theory is that sexuality is a continuum and that not that many people are located at the extrreme ends of the continuum.

Give it more time - say another few months, and see if things change or not.

[sami]

Just relax and don't let it overcome your way of thinking. If it is a phase-depending on your age- it will gradually disappear,otherwise you may need to deal with it differently at a later stage. Thank God it is still a fantacy.

[Arabess]

Unless it's just totally perverted (or illegal)....many forms of porn can turn a person on. With the age of the computer and the privacy of your own home....it's easy enough to check out all sorts of options. I don't think it makes anyone anything but 'curious'.

If you want to check it out 'live time'....go out of town for the weekend....and try out something new. Then see how you feel afterwards.

It doesn't make you a freak or bi or gay. It may just be something you have in your fantasy life which may or may not... pan out in your day to day life. You won't know till you try it.

[jenny]

agreed with all above. i'm sure most of us have had bi fantasies from time to time. i think you might be more serious, simply because you have started looking for ways to enact it.

one other possibility is that you may be bisexual, but your training and upbringing has taught you to find it disgusting and wrong. is there someone you can talk about your feelings with? a counselor at school or a hotline? if possible, try to find an objective source outside of your close community.

if you are bi, know that most people find this acceptable now. your community may not, but there is a wide, free world out there in which you can find people who will understand you and accept you as you are.

here is a place to find more information if you are interested:

http://galaweb.org/

i chose GALA in particular because they keep the faith; you might find them an amenable group.

cheers, happy new year!