i'm engaged to be married. i've been with the same fellow for the longest time --- close to 8 years. i've always thought that this is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with.... someone to have a family with..... until now. these past few months have been weird. i've been having doubts in my mind that maybe i'm just getting used to everything... maybe that i'm too lazy to look around. i've been friends with other guys, good friends too.... but now it's weird that i'm getting some thoughts that maybe i should be with a guy other than my fellow. when i do the "pros and cons" list of my fellow and the closest guy friend i have, my fellow beats him by a lot. so i should think that it's an easy answer to stay with my guy.... but then i get a thought that maybe i'm not giving the other guy a chance....
what is wrong with me???
could it be cold feet??? the deposit for the reception and ceremony place is due by end of this week, andi don't know what to do.....
should i just wait? i have to send out the "save the date" cards too. i hate feeling like this. i feel so guilty. what's wrong with me???
i NEVER thought i would feel this way. please help me.
I would like to say "just sounds like cold feet to me", but I really can't. You'll probably get some wonderful advice after this, so you can hear me out for just a minute. I have never been engaged, so I can't tell you anything from personal-personal experience. I do think that when someone decides to spend the rest of their life (or nowadays until divorce ) with someone, they know its what they want, and they will be so happy some dream of theirs is coming true, that they won't even know what 'cold feet' are. That doesn't sound too practical or realistic huh? I just hope you know that you are fully ready for this, before you take such a huge step.
Afterthought: Someone who does tend to be realistic, would tell you it's probably just cold feet.
thank you for your response... but here is another question...
.... might have cold feet.... but maybe it's something more...
i've been invited to go to my good friend's (who is a guy) hometown for the weekend. ... (it's a pretty romantic area too ...).... and i must admit i have feelings for him... not sure exactly what kind of feelings.... not sure if it's a result of my "cold feet" for my own wedding.....
anyways, should i go? this male friend and i are pretty close.... but you know when i do look at things objectively (lists of pros and cons of him and my fiancee), my fiance always tallys up better. i do admit i am more comfortable with my fiancee and i love him a lot....
but i'm not sure why i have these feelings for this other guy....
should i go visit him? or am i just asking for trouble??? am i just tempting the "what if"???
oh, and just fyi, i haven't sent out anything to guests yet either.... i'm really scared.
i need good sound advice on how to handle my feelings......
It would be my opinion that thinking about another guy while engaged would be in a different 'league' than just having cold feet.
It's really a situtation you need to work out in your heart BEFORE you even contemplate marriage. Marriage is hard enough and require alot of committment skills....which would already be tainted unless you settle your feelings about someone else.
If you turn it around.....wouldn't you prefer for your fiance to be absolutely sure about his feelings before marrying you? Once you have a child involved, mortgage, joint bills, joint families and all the other things which come with marriage.....it's too late to say 'ooops!'.
what is wrong with me???
could it be cold feet??? the deposit for the reception and ceremony place is due by end of this week, andi don't know what to do.....
should i just wait? i have to send out the "save the date" cards too. i hate feeling like this. i feel so guilty. what's wrong with me???
NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU
IMHO, no amount of fear concerning marriage can be too much.
You sound as if sending out "save the date" cards would be a worse decision than spending the rest of your lifewith someone that will, if you're really, Really, REALLY LUCKY will enrich your life rather than make it a purgatory, or worse. Please do not hesitate to act NOW if you have your doubts...........
Have you had any prior issues with your fiancee? Eight years is a long time to be with someone and not be married. Why did it take so long?
Better question is, you said you love your fiancee, but are you IN LOVE? There is a difference. Can you imagine your life without your fiancee?
What kind of feelings do you have for this other guy? It could be that you are reaching for this other guy, as a means to cling onto something else because you are scared about marrying your fiancee. I would put off seeing this other guy for at least awhile. This will only complicate things.
Don't do the tallying of each guy either, that won't do you any good. If you are in love with your fiancee, and can't imagine your life without him then marriage is the next step. If not, then you need to be honest with yourself and him. Don't feel guilty about anything. Its your life.
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am i too scared of marriage??
I have never been engaged, so I can't tell you anything from personal-personal experience. I do think that when someone decides to spend the rest of their life (or nowadays until divorce 
) with someone, they know its what they want, and they will be so happy some dream of theirs is coming true, that they won't even know what 'cold feet' are. That doesn't sound too practical or realistic huh? I just hope you know that you are fully ready for this, before you take such a huge step. 
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