[alisha]

My mom cheated on my dad for 4 and a half years. With a whole bunch of other guys and girls. My dad found out and she left. She says that she cheated because my dad forced her to do it. She nows reads all thease kinds of self help books. And goes to counseling.She wants to get back together with my dad. And says it will never happen again.I don't believe her I just think that she just misses having money and a house.Now my dad feels really sorry for her and is thinking about changing his mind about the divorce. Which is really retarted. She has even cheated on him before they were married and with other past boyfriends. So I believe that she will do it again. I don't trust her at all anymore. And I don't understand how my dad can.I think she is going to weasel her way into the house and make it so she can kick my dad out and have all us kids. Technically she is not my bioligical mother and I would not have to go with her but my brothers might.How do I get my dad to realize what she's doing before it's to late.

alisha

[Juicy]

What I don't understand is why you are privy to the intimacies of your parents love life. I think it's sick. I know kids aren't dumb and they can usually figure out what is going on (when not told directly or things are not said in front of them) but that much detail? I hope you're old enough that you will be leaving home soon so you won't have to put up with so much instability from the ones you love.

I'm saying this cause I was in a similar situation. I wasn't told much about what was going on between my parents, even though the main gist of it was obvious (and not knowing details did annoy the hell outta me at the time), I'm glad I didnt' know then. Now I'm grown up, married with kids, I can make more accurate/sympathetic judgments.

[quankanne]

is he receiving any kind of counseling or therapy himself? sometimes people go back to (or stay in) abusive relationships because they have no sense of self-worth or self-esteem, and therapy gives them the tools to grow stronger.

that's not to say that it'd help him turn her away -- if his mind is made up to reunite with your stepmother, he's going to -- but it could help in other ways.

[Errol]

She says that she cheated because my dad forced her to do it

She might say that, might even believe it, but it is NOT true! Unless your father tied her up and forced her to have sex with others against her will (which would be rape - not an affair) then in no way was any of it your fathers fault. The decision was entirely hers.

I think that some family counseling might help all of you. Perhaps you can also talk to a counselor alone and get some more help in talking to your father about this.

You apparently have some information about your father & step-mother's private lives - -but you may not have all the information that you need in order to deal with this. Sometimes its better to give the kids more information than originally planned because they already know so much more then they should.

[brashgal]

Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You should talk to your Dad and let him know how you feel about what your Mom has done and that you worry about it happening again. Maybe if he hears how you feel he will take it into consideration.

Here's the part that you may not want to hear: Your Dad may decide to take her back, despite what you tell him. He may not be ready to end his marriage, he may feel your Mom is sincere and capable of changing. Ultimately they have to work this out between themselves. Sounds like they have been together for awhile, it's hard to let someone go that you love, even if they are making you miserable.

A big hug for you - take care of yourself and try to remain on good terms with both parents no matter what happens. Try not to worry about them too much.

[Tony T]

"How do I get my dad to realize what she's doing before it's to late."

Introduce him to some nice ladies. Right now, he may be lonely and vulnerable. If he ignored this cheating for so long, he obviously has some perceptual and psychological problems that are more serious than you may suspect. I am sorry you are having to endure this but if your father has no backbone by now, it's not likely he's going to get one.

[TMCM]

You might want to suggest to your dad to go to IC(individual counseling). He needs the services of a professional to help him make wise decisions that are not based solely on his feelins for his W. Your mom is doing the right thing in going to counseling and reading the self help books but she also needs to take responsibility for HER CHOICES to have her affairs. Your dad may have contributed to the bad state of the marriage but she is 100% responsible for chosing to have her affairs. You might want to point this out to your dad as well.

[alisha]

I have a really really big problem. The mother that has raised me since I was three has been sleeping with many many men and women. Including some of her friends and his. She has cheated many times including before they were married and with past boyfriends. My dad found out,my mom left the house. And my dad filed for a divorce about seven weeks ago. And now he is having second thoughts about it because he feels sorry for her. Because she makes him feel like all this was his fault and made her do it. She keeps on crying like a baby and saying she will never do it again. But she has been caught before and said the same thing. I think she wants back into the house to by herself time to get the house and the kids. She is constitley trying to get my dad into trouble. By him drinking beer. And my dad just chooses to ignore it. He doesnt want to see the reality of this situation. And to see what she's doing. And how much she is still lying to not just him but to all of us. What can I do to help my dad and make him see how much of a porccupine she really is...... need anwsers really fast. Time is going bye bye.

Hello,

What a very sad story. I would suggest you give your dad this letter you have just written. I would also once again emphasize that she had numerous intimate relations with his male and female friends and humiliated him and your family and it will be just a matter of time before she probably is infected and will infect him. You seems like a person with a good head on her shoulders. I think of the old saying that is appropriate here and you will see in your life as you grow older:

There is nobody so blind as one who refuses to see.

Again Alisha show him your letter and talk to him of your concerns. Plead with him to contact an attorney to protect his assets in the future. Your situation is very sad. I wish you luck.