I am a 28 year old guy that was dating a 26 year old girl who I worked with. She was brought up in a very Roman Catholic Household, and her culture and religion is completely different than mine. We had been dating for close to a year, because we have a connection that can't be described....the prob;em was always the religion and culture.
We have been trying to break up over and over, but the only reason is because it would be so hard to make it work. But we kept comiing back to each other because we really do love each other.
she recently went away on vacation and met a guy who gave her his number before she left, (of couse he is cotholic and the same cutlure as her), so when she came back she finally said she can't give me what I want...she has always dreamed of the perfect catholic family going to chucrch every Sunday, going to catholic school...etc etc
I can't give her that, but we are both totally in love with each other, I have tried everything to greak through to her, and I don't know what to do, because things between us were unreal, and am having a hard time letting go.
So know I am watching her enter a possible rebound relatiohship...and don't know what to do....how can I let her know that all tthis is is a rebound??
I know she still loves me to death, but my culture scares her (her parent's don't even really know about me)
You can't do anything. You can only be 'in love with' someone if the other person is there, too. She is not. You want very different things from life and that would doom your marriage, were you to marry. If you're not going to become Catholic, then let her go.
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
I know how you feel...I went through the exact same situation, only the girl was born-again christian. Now, 6 months later, I still think about her everyday, and I have heard through the grape vine that she is dating some guy from her church...Trust me on this, you need to let go now, stop all contact with her, axe her from your life completly. If you hang on and try to convince her, you are only setting yourself up for a big fall...I would honestly love to hear your story and help you. Feel free to private message me. Seriously, you could probably learn alot from my recent experiences...
Cheers
Jiggly
Last edited by Jiggly 2K3; 27th December 2003 at 6:17 AM..
The one thing I forgot to say is that her last relationship before me was with another guy that was also not catholic, although the religious and cultural differences were not as different...even if I were to convert (which I don't think I can), it doesn't stop her from being scared of opening up to my culture...as for her not taking it seriously, I don't think that's the case, I think it's more of a case of her parents saying..."don't you learn" or "i told you so"
Anyways I've been in situations where you can feel there is nothing left, but this is definitely different....she still slips back to me if she sees and spends time with me,, and questions what she is actually doing right now, but when she doesn't see me she blocks eveything out..she's really good at that. But I can't always be there to be a constant reminder
I even tried to break it off on many occasions, but we just couldn't stay away....but this time after she met a guy that fills the one side of her needs, it seems different, like the rebound will be used to transfer the loss she also feels
Is there anything I can do to help her realize what she is doing, or do I have to let her go?
I know the future would be tough but some things are worth it...something I too have been fighting off and on for the past year have finally made me realize that some things in life are worth fighting for....I just don't know if she's strong enough
As you can see, I don't know what to do
as for cutting contact completely it's a little tought since we work together?
Is there any hope that time apart will make her realize what she's giving up...and if it's worth holding on to, or will this possible rebound relationship let her block it out completley?
fools can hope can't they?
Last edited by amimal; 27th December 2003 at 2:56 PM..
as for cutting contact completely it's a little tought since we work together?
Is there any hope that time apart will make her realize what she's giving up...and if it's worth holding on to, or will this possible rebound relationship let her block it out completley?
fools can hope can't they?
Hey there,
I have quite a few friends in this situation - different religions and can't break up. One couple has been together 6 years and I have not seen any more love in my entire life than the one that exists between them. However she is like your ex, always dreamed of that perfect family. They did everything you and your ex are trying, but it won't work. My advice to you is to tell her you love her, but you are sorry, it is too hard to see her and be friends with her, knowing that you could never marry her and have a perfect family together. Working with her could be difficult - how closely do you work with her? Try and avoid being close with her as much as possible. You need to move on. It's not fair that this is holding your life back. She needs to see that and realize that, and understand that she can't just call you up whenever. As for this new guy -it may be a rebound, it may not be, but it doesn't matter, because it is what she chose and what she wants, as much as she loves you. Time apart may help - it is definitely worth trying. But don't put your eggs in one basket. Let yourself move on too.
I really feel for you as I have been through this with friends on many many occasions...so best of luck and feel free to PM me.
thanks, for all your post so far....
i guess
i just don't know how something so right becomes lost in an instant, maybe never to be found again?
i never knew passion like this could exist between 2 people, but the one thing in life that preaches loving each other and respect is tearing us apart?
as you can see love different cultures and religions..and have become very accepting, but I wasn't brought up in such an environment as her...
i never knew that a relationship could be as good as it was.....but I am not her ideal picture, and I guess she is not yet willing to give up that dream yet...part of me feels she eventually won't be able to block me out, but maybe she will and will settle with her dream but not the full love and passion we share
Yes my mind if full of uncertainty and questions...and a broken heart
the same problem my friend is facing....i really don't know how to handle her,
shes totally in love with this guy and and she thinks that he loves her too...
the thing is that they are friends for the past 4 yrs...but only true friends!!!
its from his attitude towards her that she has been able to realize that he
loves her too...she says that he is scared to tell her about his love coz of
their religious differences......(although i think that its a pretty funny logic but thats wat she believes in)
She says that he is a kind of guy who wud always want a long-term relationship like
marriage and not any dating stuff....she also wants to establish a long-term
relationship like him.........but the problem is that they both can't leave their
religions...my friend won't leave her religion coz she strictly believes in it and
also wud never like to hurt her parents by converting......n as far as the guy is concerned,
she says that he won't convert too....
but she really loves him........i've seen her cry for him alot.....but am totally
confused of wat to do for her........she is just hanging between the sky and
the earth!! and its hurting me alot coz shes been my childhood friend...n
i really care for her.....
such situations just leave u with a broken-heart n nothing else.......
anyone who want to give some advice for my friend....??????
i appreciate ur help people....
i know am not answering to ur post...sorry about that amimal...if i wud have been
able to do something, i wud have helped my friend at the first place....but am
helpless!!!!
I hope everything turns out to be good for you amimal...
and please share ur advice for my friend....thanks alot!!!
~AnGeLiCa
__________________
Do i look like an Angel to you?
I am in the same situation myself. I am 28 and my boyfriend is 30. He is a Jehovah's Witness. I was going to break up with him because of this. I was raised Catholic, but do not practice any religion. I do not believe in organized religion. No one has the answer to which religion is correct. Your faith in what you believe is what matters. I do believe in God, I just don't know what the truth is.
Anyway, at first I had a really hard time with his religion, since I obviously don't believe in what he does. He told me he respected me for what I believe and he just wanted the same from me. My problem with organized religion is all the conflicts it has caused in this world. Everyone thinks their religion is the right one. Like I said, who really knows? If you both believe in God, does it really matter how you get there? I'm sure your not exactly the same in every other aspects of your lives, but you can accept those differences.
I'm not breaking up with my boyfriend. We also have something very special that I have never found before. The very reason why I don't like organized religion, almost caused me to leave him. Because I couldn't accept he was different from me. Our relationship isn't based on the religion we practice. It's based on our mutual respect and love for one another. I just think it's really sad that you can't be together because your interpretations of something you read, differ.
As for the rebound guy. Unfortunately you can't tell her it's a rebound. She will have to find that out for herself. And you can't really change the way she feels about her religion. It's too bad she can't be her own person and make her own decisions. I know family is important, but aren't they supposed to love and support you no matter what?
It's cool that people are into religion and their Faiths. But Come on, Because You aren't of the same religious background
or culture?? A Person Is a Person. A Human Being is a Human Being.
I mean no offense, But Catholicism isn't better than Christiany or Christianity better than Buddhism or Protestant or whatever.
I think that Is Lame. It's cool to believe in something, but there have been way too many casualties and problems in this world because of religous faith. It's almost as bad as being Racist.
Originally posted by glasshammer
It's cool that people are into religion and their Faiths. But Come on, Because You aren't of the same religious background
or culture?? A Person Is a Person. A Human Being is a Human Being.
A human being may be a human being, but not all humans are compatible with any old human. Religious differences should not be ignored. Think about the issues that will arise when there are children?
I'm not saying the relationships are impossible, but ignoring it is not the solution.
Some feel that they deep down inside, want a connection with a higher power.
And why can't people have that connection without trying to change their partner? Your faith is personal. Not everything you think and feel is going to be mirrored by your husband or wife. They can both teach their children about God, and let them decide what is right for them. No one knows which religion is the correct one, so how can you tell your child what to believe. They have to figure that out for themselves when they are old enough to do so. Raise your children with love and respect. Isn't that what your trying to do anyway with religion? I'm sure you found your connection with a higher power on your own. Religion is about having faith, and faith is something you need to find on your own.
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Re: breaking up because of different religions?
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