[dh120]

I'm a 22 year old single male. I've just stopped dating a girl. We got on really well, we were attracted to each other and we felt about lots of different things in the same way. The only problem was that there was no "spark", so we realised that to try and start a relationship wouldn't work. I'm happy with that and we'll continue to be friends since we get on so well.
My problem is that I'm starting to worry that I will never find a "spark" with anybody. I've made countless good female friends over the past year or two, and occasionally I've been attracted to them as more than friends. The end result is always the same though - they think I'm good looking and a great guy but they know there isn't anything more. And when I'm honest with myself I can see that too.
In a way I know that I'm looking too hard for a relationship. I haven't had much experience with women despite having lots of good qualities (or so I'm told!) I'm also a virgin although I'm not sure if that's relevant, but I haven't even had a serious relationship. So, often when I have a good friend and mutual attraction is there I start to think that maybe there should be something more. Every time I get proved wrong.
I've never been into the "dating game" (approaching women in bars, etc) and it's only in the last year or so that my confidence has developed a lot so that I can be more forward and open about my feelings. But I'm still scared that I'll end up being single in the long run and while I don't want to look too hard for a relationship I also don't want it all to pass me by.
I guess my question is - what is the "spark" I'm missing and is there any way to make myself the kind of person who can feel it? I'm very mature and emotionally open; I do want a relationship but sometimes I feel like I push people away because I'm scared of taking those first steps towards something great.
Thanks,
Dan

[vixen]

awww Hun, don't worry, it will come along. Time that's all time is what you need. On the virgin note, my best friend and i got into a convo about virgins, i know most women hate them, but i personaly prefer them. I just love em. She was like she didn't like being there first, and she didn't like their inexperience. I just shrugged and said i found it fun to teach a virgin what to do. I like the look in there eyes when they experience it all for the first time. Anyway telling women your a virgin is a scare, you might not want to mention it till after the love making. This way it's not a factor in the relationship. Coarse you might also piss her off. This is a tuffy, but I'm sure there must be other women like me who are turned on by the virgin factor.

A spark is hard to find, trust me i know, it's something you can't make but really just bump into. Women are just as picky as men, maybe more so, the spark has to be mutual, and that makes it all the more harder. I mean personaly I'd probably date you and have no problems with it, but allot of women it seems don't like guys who are sweet kind, and virgins. They always want to stay "just friends" I'm not that foolish, i know if i see a great single guy, if he's interested i take the opportunity to see if we would be good as lovers.

Be patient, don't try to hard, just go about your life as normal and the right woman will come along. Remember women out number men 20 to 1, so the odds are with you. Good Luck!!

Vixen

[moimeme]

i know most women hate them

Geez, I HATE it when someone presumes to speak for 'most women' or 'all women'!

This is not the case and we've had threads on this very topic. The overwhelming majority of respondents answered quite the opposite.

[vixen]

Sorry i should have said, "it's been my experience, that most of the women i have talked to" etcetera etcetera. Better? I mean after all it really has been, I've talked to a number of woman, all ages, and races and they all say the similar thing. I can't help it if it's put me under the impression that that's the way it is. *shrug*

Vixen

[dh120]

OK anyway it doesn't really bother me what women think about my virginity. As long as I'm close enough to them as friends that when(/if) I tell them, they're not thinking I have some ulterior motive - in fact I have heard of guys who will say it just to get somebody into bed, which is pretty pathetic really! And i dont want to come across as one of them,

Anyway I think (hope!) that when I meet the right person we will be in love before things go that far, I will know she is the right one, and then it won't matter to her - at worst if she is a little disappointed that the sex might not be great for a bit then we will be close enough to work it out together and i think she would be willing to teach me. if I meet somebody who i get really close to and she doesn't feel like she wants to do that then she is probably not the right person to be losing my virginity to anyway so I won't.

Thanks for your advice. I'm feeling a bit better about the issue now. And the whole thing has done me some good - we're still getting on really well as friends. And I've realised that I should contact some an old friend who i was really close to but had a big fight with 6 months ago, so i can take that as a positive since the first girl kinda persuaded me that was a good idea

thanks again for your replies

dan