okay, got a problem here....I finally left my stupid husband after 3 years of abuse (mental and physical) and the last straw was when I was pregnant with our second child and we got into a fight he called the police on me and had me arrested because I scratched his face ( and he is 6'2" and I am 5'3" and I was pregnant!).....so the piece of crap wants me back after telling me he had a girl (which was a tramp because he prefers to date ugly tramps because he says they are easier and they are desperate so they allow him to do whatever he wants)....then he dumps her AFTER he filed for divorce from me and wants me to get back with him.....so, I filed my response and won't go through with the paperwork....so basically we have been legally separated since july.....but I am still married! So finally i got tired of this crap and I met a nice man that is the same age as me, but only problem is that he is going through the same crap I am....he is separated from his wife.....but I want to dump him strictly for that reason but everything else about him is great.....we even think alike and he is cheap like me while on the otherhand the ex buys a new car but can't afford to pay the bill for his 200.00 camera cell phone (go figure).....new boyfriend even likes my children which is more than what can be said for their father....so since I am trying to join the navy, I need the ex's signature since we are still legally married....so I have been wining and dining him...telling him anything he wants to hear, agreeing to this and that all with my fingers crossed behind my back.....I sleep with him ( I really need to join the navy bad...two kids and living in the projects and minimum wage and struggling to pay for college every semester is not working), and I hate it....I always think about the new man in my life....but my problem is that I want my boyfriend but feel bad about seeing him because he is married...but that is kind of hypocritical because I am too.....but I want better for myself than that...I deserve better than that....(his wife lives in michigan and we live in virginia)......should I just not worry about it and still see him? I don't feel that my husband is sincere and I don't trust him at all....advice, please.....

this may be evil sounding, but I can be a really cold person and when I have a goal I will do ANYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO GET THERE.....whenever I kiss my nasty ex I just think about my children having healthcare benefits like I did when I was growing up, I think about them having a backyard and a dog and no police sirens at night, I think about us traveling and me being able to afford something better than 1984 model toyota....but my feelings are with the boyfriend....but I don't like that he is not divorced....selfish, I know but those are my feelings...sometimes you can't justify what you feel you just feel it.

[Arabess]

DEFINITELY guard your heart before getting involved with anyone who isn't legally divorced. If you can verify that it is TRUE and his ex-wife KNOWS he is seeing other people....then you can maybe rest a little in the relationship. Those guys will LIE about that stuff.....TRUST ME on that one!!! (Especially if he is in the military.....cause they can really pass themselves off as being single....when indeed....they are NOT!)

As for YOUR ex.....what happens to the kids when you get deployed? With the current world situation.....you can't even be guaranteed you'll only get the normal 6 months Med Cruise stint.....you may end up on a much longer separation schedule from your children. Will HE (the ex) be the care taker or do you have another plan? Sometimes women don't think about that before they join the military. I agree with you in that it can turn your financial situation around....especially once you reach E-4.

Arabess

well my parents are going to take care of the children for me.....just that, I really don't want anything serious with anyone right now...it just is more about fun for me now than anything...but the ex is going to get orders to hawaii and wants me to come with him whether I join the military or not.....so I am thinking about doing that just so that I can get out of here....nothing is working for me here at all.....so, I think I will just live my life day by day and plan ahead for the future...