[LauraD]

Sometimes we cannot give what we take, sometimes the feelings are just not there even though it is the only way we want to feel. To love is a choice, the relationship itself is choice, the commitment is a choice. But feelings we have, deep within ourselves, these are not made from choice. Gut feelings and intuitions are not easy to fool. We try and try to deny how we really feel, we want to make things work. Some of us cannot accept the feelings because they go against the grain. Sometimes acknowledging our true feelings means we will end up alone. We try so hard to be the people we are in our mind's eye.

I love someone deeper than anything. I would give my life to save his. He spent eight years as my first love and first every thing and now I don't know how to let go. I know in my heart that our relationship has run its course. He has started over and although I know I need to, I don't have the strength right now. He's the only one I love but i don't want to be with him. It makes no sense

I'm also so afraid of moving on. I did this person wrong and it is the biggest regret I have. I never want to hurt someone again. Will I? Right now I don't want to see if I will. I don't feel that anyone belongs to my love except him.
I don't know what I will do when he's no longer available to be the shoulder I cry on. What happens when he drifts away, I drift away. I don't know how to lose him! I don't know how to do this.

We're all floating in our isolated seas, feeling the same angst and confusion. It is not easy but I would not want the ending of a relationship to be. Real love's end deserves the process of grieving and acceptance that any death or ending requires.

[quankanne]

the process of grieving also encompasses the knowledge that life goes on even if that particular situation or relationship doesn't, and that it's okay to move on when the time comes ...

the scary part isn't loving someone, but letting go so that you can learn to love another. Nothing will diminish the love you've had for someone: frankly, I think that each "episode" is an exercise in letting your heart grow a little more each time you go through it. Yes, it can hurt like hell, but part of the happiness you have then is the sadness you feel when it's over; part of the sadness now is the happiness you'll feel again ... if you allow yourself to have it.

don't let the grief or sadness become so overwhelming that it's all it does, but explore it. Learn from it, then let the natural healing process take over.

Man was created with the capacity to love. It's a shame to hide it or deny it because we're afraid of what comes with it ...