OK, i rang her today and she sounded pretty tired. Apparently she's still either jet lagged or sick as she's been vomiting and feeling very tired. We talked for about 10mins about her trip and whats been happening in her life, I asked if we could meet up sometime she said yeah, maybe next week!
The talk wasnt a very good guage as like I said, she wasnt feeling very well. But planning to give her another call next week to see if we can organise something! There might be a chance that she's not going to go away next year in Feb for a year if she gets a job offer prior!!!
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Kit, that's great. Be cool when you talk. Maybe she is rethinking things?
Mine has just broken it off with her fling (90 day wonder). But looks like she is still shopping around, in a single phase. Not much hope here right now and frankly I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another 3 months of this. I still feel the same, want her back, but it is getting easier to deal with it. It will take time to regain what we had at this point.
Everyday that goes bye makes things easier. The only question you should be asking is to yourself and that is if it is worth taking a chance of being hurt again. If she does come back to you nothing could stop her from doing it again. You my friend would feel happy if things worked out, but if she leaves you after a short time she would feel like she could comeback to you every time something doesn't work out for her.
This only my opinion and doesn't mean that it will happen this way.
Guys thanks for your posts!!!! Wakeboard, i have thought about that, but at the same time, i have thought that if she has decided to come back, that she has decided to give me another chance, I am not going to go back into the relationship blindly! i will want to know the reason why she has decided to give me another chance, also what she expects out of the relationship if we do get back together! Liek they say, it takes two to tango!!
An update so far......since the call on the Monday, I SMS (phone text) on the Wednesday to see how she was and she replied!!!!!!!!! now to some of you thats nothing big, but previously when I texted i never got a reply!!! Anyway we went back and forth for a few minutes, just talking about how she is feeling and its not too good with having an upset stomach and always puking after eating! Not good at all....
SMS'd her again on the Friday to say "Brian Mcknight has a concert in Phillipines did she want to go? " in a joking manner...she replied again!! I decided to ring her after she text me and we chatted for a while with her Uni studies and how shes been feeling with her health etc.
Anyway, after the phone call I read up on the dreaded "bali belly" on the net, even though she was in Thailand. Got some advice that drinking red rasberry JUICE (not cordial) helped! I sent her an SMS to that affect, also to advise that chamomille tea soothes the tummy too! She replied that she would try to get out and get some depending how she felt.
So today (Saturday) I went to the shop bought an empty basket and filled it with some of her favourite things as well as some rasberry juice and chamomille tea! I added in a few crossword books (she loves doing them) some body cream that makes her feel soft and smells good and some barley sugar lollies as well as 3 ferrero rochere chocolates for when she finally feels better! I wrapped it all up in some clear cellophane and went around to her place.
I knocked on the door and she seemed surprised to see me! She also had a big smile when she saaw the "get well box" I had made up! Didnt say much, just told her that the 'ginger tablets' were natural and to help her queasy stomach! I smiled and did think about giving her a big hug, but decided against it!
I left the house and after a few hours when I was at home i got a txt from her to say the following:
"Thanks so much for that! I miss your TLC...nearly made me cry! Thank you! Xxxx"
God, you have no idea how happy and how good I felt after i received this!!! I wrote back immediately to say that I missed giving her all the TLC that she deserved....
Any suggestions now guys/gals to whats the next step? I mean this is the first time since 30th Sept that we've been 'communicating' so to speak.........is it looking good for me????
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Damned if I know
I wouldn't leave her alone, just don't come on too strong. Let her progress at her own rate. It seems like you are handling things fine so far. Just don't try to rush her at all. (I think) Let her call back.
But, you've got me wondering if no contact is best now. But I've been told to give it some time by friends, so I am trying to do what I think she needs right now. Over a month of no contact, and over 3 since the breakup. It's very difficult to play no contact and still want to reconcile things. I miss her terribly. But I already came on too hard I think, just by trying to get her to go to lunch or explain why she wouldn't. And she was the one pushing the constant contact for the first two months. I don't understand women who refuse to talk. Still wondering if I am being a fool and if all of this is worth it. Too many people telling me to move on, forget about it, she's not worth it, she's going to be screwed up for up to 2 years, etc. They are making me doubt myself, but the heart wants what the heart wants.
At least yours is talking to you.
You're doing better than me, so you should take my advice with a grain of salt.
LOST, i know where you're coming from mate, i appreciate all the advice you're giving! Look, I had people say leave her alone, no contact etc....but in my case, she was ill and I made up that "get well pack" to give to her. Now if I decided that i would stick to the "no contact" at all, then I guess I would never have given her that pack? If that was the case, I would not have known that she missed my TLC and received XXXX's in her SMS to me either? Something I hadnt' received in over 2months!!!
Yesterday evening I sent her an sms to ask how she was feeling and if she wanted to come around to watch some DVD's, she replied and said she had to go visit relatives who are visiting at the moment but that she'll be in the city here next week (this week!) and if we could go for coffee then?
I think it is good that you give her space and time apart, i think that if you do get back in contact, leave it simple, not too forward and not too heavy! You'll scare her off....this is just from what I am learning. I am no way in a position (yet!) to say this has worked and im back with my ex, but only time will tell!
I will say that I am in a lot better position than i was about 2months ago where she wouldnt answer any of my SMS's or my emails etc..... Keep ur fingers crossed for me people!!!!
ANother thing I have learnt....you HAVE to keep positive. There are a lot of people out there who are pretty pesimistic. They say that "its the end, forget about her" etc.....its YOU who knows if its worth chasing or worth giving up on! If you believe in yourself that she/he is the right person for you, then keep on believing that! Keep believing it and keep fighting for it your own way or by getting advice from here! Thats just my 2c worth!
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Thanks Kit.
I'm toying with the idea of another care package. She's never complained about them. And she keeps it all. But right now I'm sticking to the idea that she may decide that she wants to try again after having some space to explore herself. She was married for a long time and needs to explore being single. I just hope it won't be too long .
As far as positive thinking goes, you have to be a positive thinker to hang in there for this long, so I've got that going for me. But you are right, most people just say throw it away and find someone else. I understand the logic, but if a relationship isn't worth saving, what's the point of starting it to begin with? Just people using people who use people?
Thanks for the insight, the hope and the pep talk.
LOST you seem like things are going in the 'right' direction for you and its about time! You seem like a top guy and I think that the time away from ur ex has made you think about a lot of things and realise a few? I know that I bloody well have!
You know what you're doing, you've got it mapped out and your mentality and thinking is strong and positive which is good too! What girl isn't attracted to someone 'strong'?
I'll keep my fingers crossed and keep praying for the both of us mate! Who knows, one day when we all get back together, we might find all the unanswered questions that only our partners can help answer and therefore help others on here??
Location: and everybody's asking when you're coming back, and I don't have an answer, so I fade out into black
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Yes the time away has made me reflect alot. I really had no idea how strong my feelings were for her. I knew I loved her, but not like this. I was a wreck for the first month of the breakup and while it has gotten easier to deal with, my feelings are still the same. My thinking is constantly being questioned by those around me, but it's been three months now and I still miss her and want her back. I have nothing but hope for the moment and the good wishes of a few friends.
kit - I would agree with lost in that you should not come on too strong now. You should take things slow, talk/msg her every couple of days, don't throw too much at her, or she will feel overwhelmed. I say this from experience, having been on your ex's side of things. My ex came on way too strong, didn't give me any space at all, but had he dealt with things the way that you are now, I would have appreciated it a lot more. I didn't get back with him, needless to say, and I don't think I would have gotten back together with him even if he did back off more, the way you are doing right now. However, I'm not sure what your reason for the break up was in this case, but in mine, I had fallen out of love with the guy, but still wanted to be friends with him. Unfortunately it has been 8 months and he is only now starting to get over me..
Lost - I know how you feel about people telling you to move on, but you not wanting to. I feel that way now..(even though my situation is pathetic - dated the guy for 1.5 months! - my story is in dating section)..but if you have honestly taken a look at your relationship with this girl objectively, from her point of view, yours, and KNOW that it is worth holding onto, then I think you should hold on.
WOW thanks Sarah! Great to know that there is someone out there from the "other" side that can maybe help with some of our questions???
After getting that SMS to say that she missed me giving her TLC etc....I was planning on turning up on Thursday with some DVD's, foot salts, baby oil and pamper her for a bit? She LOVES getting foot massages and I thought this might be a good way to spend some time with her.....
Am I pushing it or do you think that she would appreciate it just like me turning up with the "Get well" pack that she appreciated???? Its been (so far) 3 days since I went to drop off that pack!
You have some great ideas - so many women would love a guy like you.
I think it would be too much too soon to give her something else. I think for now..having given her the one TLC pack, you now need to just back off and see how she reacts..so far things are definitely looking good..I mean, I would keep contacting her but maybe just every couple of days..once every 3 days would be good for me..any more than that personally would be too much...but everyone is different.
I suspect that she wants to go for coffee to talk, and really see how you are doing. You have to show that you can live your life fine, but it is nice to have her in it..don't come on too strong, don't be starring at her all night long, make her smile, make her laugh, don't take her for granted, treat her well, but at the same time, don't come on too strong. I know, it is a lot to remember to do, but these are the things that she will be paying attention to.
I guess from the above, really you just have to relax, and enjoy the time you're spending with her. Don't have any expectations AT ALL except that you will have a nice time together. If you have any expectations, she will probably be able to sniff it if she is perceptive and if she knows you very well..I know that I have more instinct than most people so I can sense these things well.
Also, (I don't want to be pessimistic, just trying to not get your hopes up), but there are some girls who are just really friendly..from the sounds of it, your ex seems like she genuinely is interested in how you are doing and may possibly want to get back together since she seems happy about everything you've done for her..but there are some girls that are just really friendly with everyone (but I'm sure you'd know this about her if this was the case, since you should know her well!)
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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