I am new to this site. I will begin with telling a bit of my story, which probably just sounds alot llike everyone elses. I am a 22 year old divorced female that is dating a married 35 year old. I have been seeing this man for a year now, I met him in a bar, we work for the same company, although not together. From day one, he has told me that he would never leave his wife, I have no illusions to that. He has been married for 15 years and has two young children of which he adores completely. He has no complaints about his marriage, is happy. This whole thing started out as a fling, just sex but has grown to so much more. We see each other very often, several times a week, talk everyday, and have taken many trips togather. We both love each other very much, but as I said, I have no illusions, I know that he will not leave his wife. This is upsetting to me, though it is something that I have come to terms with. My problem now is that I think that I may be pregnant. I am torn as to whether or not to share this information with him. I know that if I kept it from him, and he found out, he would never forgive me. But I can not imagine upsetting his family. This is something that I new the risks about when I started, and I am just confused. I dont know what to do, or how to handle it. I would like to just bow out gracefully from his life and not disrupt anything, but I dont know what to do. If there is anyone with any advice out there, it would be exteremly welcome.
Why should YOU have to bow out gracefully so Mr Happy Humping can go on with his life as though nothing happened? It takes TWO people to create a baby. There are so many emotional and financial issues you are going to need his help on. It's expensive to have a baby......and it's more expensive to raise a child.
If you think you resent the fact he's married (and ALL Other Women do)....just wait till your baby goes without something while his dumplings at home have everything. You are entering a long emotional roller coaster....most of it you'll have to ride all by yourself while he will end up proving to be LESS THAN the great guy you think he is now.
I'm not being judgemental or critical. It's too late for people to point fingers and tell you how stupid you were to get yourself in such a bad situation. However, they WILL! Friends and family aren't real supportive in cases like this. I have a very good friend this same thing happened to. It ended up being a mean nasty fight when she realized he wasn't going to meet NOT ONE of the promises he originally made. She is a stong person and plowed thru the court system.....but what she went thru emotionally.....was heartbreaking. On top of that, the support she got from ANYONE in her life....was very minimal. He became abusive...while his wife (understandably) made her life a living hell.
In the end though....she had a beautiful baby girl. Once the finances were settled IN COURT...she is currently making plans to move out of state and get on with her life without him. The "love' they once shared in dead and gone. Happy endings are only in the movies. This is REAL LIFE....and you've got alot to face alone. Don't face it without proper funds.
I really DO care....and I'm sorry you are going thru this.
First of all, you should have NEVER gotten involved with a married man, I don't care what the circumstances were. It's just as much his fault as it is yours, but you should have known better. I really honestly do NOT feel sorry for you.
But should've, would've, could've doesn't matter now. Just hope to God you aren't pregnant. IF you aren't, I would break it off immediately and go find someone htat you can be with that doesnt' involve wrecking the life of a wife and kids. I don't see how you can sleep at night. Put yourself in his wife's shoes....what if your husband was cheating on you? You should be ashamed of yourself.
If you are pregnant, then I think you definitely should tell him. And then you two need to talk about it and come to a decision that will work best for the unborn child as well as his wife and kids. I mean, if he leaves his wife and kids to be with you, he will be doing them a favor. BUt that doesn't mean he won't cheat on you in a few years and leave you too, so who knows. But don't withold this information from him.
The best thing you can do is just pray that you aren't pregnant.
who do you think you are? when you come down from your high of getting married and being someone's hubby, come back and post someting interesting.
Where do you come off critizing this woman. Things happen and I truly believe she didn't picture herself in this position. She would have never done this. But you're so morally correct it's nauseating, honestly. Icouldn't even finish reading what you thought. and before moimeme says anything, I find myself being able to finish what she thinks, even though I pretty much always disagree with her. She has way better insight than you. But I am sure that is your age.
It is quite refreshing to see how excited you are about becoming a husband, and that is very nice. But believe me the newness will wear off. it's reality and that's when you'll understand how it COULD possibly happen. I hope it never does, but wake up to the statistics sweatheart.
As for the original poster, you have to tell him. and then go and talk to someone, a counselor. You must have so many different emotions. I don't feel bad that you slept and got pregnant by a MM, just that you took the "oh, it won't happen to me" approach regarding pregnancy.
I would look at all your opions regarding this pregnancy before going through with it. best of luck.
If you need to talk, you are more than welcome to pm me.
Originally posted by sweapea
who do you think you are? when you come down from your high of getting married and being someone's hubby, come back and post someting interesting.
Where do you come off critizing this woman. Things happen and I truly believe she didn't picture herself in this position. She would have never done this. But you're so morally correct it's nauseating, honestly. Icouldn't even finish reading what you thought. and before moimeme says anything, I find myself being able to finish what she thinks, even though I pretty much always disagree with her. She has way better insight than you. But I am sure that is your age.
It is quite refreshing to see how excited you are about becoming a husband, and that is very nice. But believe me the newness will wear off. it's reality and that's when you'll understand how it COULD possibly happen. I hope it never does, but wake up to the statistics sweatheart.
As for the original poster, you have to tell him. and then go and talk to someone, a counselor. You must have so many different emotions. I don't feel bad that you slept and got pregnant by a MM, just that you took the "oh, it won't happen to me" approach regarding pregnancy.
I would look at all your opions regarding this pregnancy before going through with it. best of luck.
If you need to talk, you are more than welcome to pm me.
First of all, hun....I am a FEMALE!!! Not a man.....that just goes to show that you don't know me.
Second of all, yeah, I don't take back anything. She should have known better than to get involved with a married man. She made her bed, now she must lie in it. Ya reap what ya sew...and all those other sayings.
If you don't like my advice, that's fine. But that's how I feel and it doesn't change. She could have at least took the pill or used protection...but NOOOOO another fatherless child born because of someone's selfish behavior.
You knew he was married, you knew he was not leaving her, you knew you were having sex with him,you know how children are made, you knew you could get pregnant,you seem to know everything yet now you are confused.
I would say maybe the next step would be take a test?
maybe you should ask yourself if its fun does that make it right?
and thank you cheaters I dont need to her your justifications for cheating,it wont change my mind.Yes it is to late to say it was wrong ,well I guess thats a problem she will have to deal with.And if she didnt want to hear it then she should not have asked.
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THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH
THE TRUTH IS ALL THERE IS
Arabess said it very well. Let's hope you're not pregnant, but if you are, and you choose to continue the pregnancy, you must tell him. I would suggest also seeing a lawyer, because you will be needing help with the expenses. If you rely just on his promises to provide support and admit paternity, you may be waiting a long time.
It's a shame to hurt his family, but if you're pregnant, that ship has already sailed. You might work with the lawyer to provide a confidential, binding support agreement - i.e., admit paternity and pay $X per month, and we will not launch an adversarial action. This way your (soon to be ex-) lover may be able to cloak his sins from his wife.
Two adults did something stupid, but it's always the innocents who pay the price - wife, unborn baby, other children. Oh, BTW, you are going to quit shagging him now, right? Be aware that he may come around asking for sex when you are trying to collect support payments from him. He'll probably have some really sweet lines prepared.
May your skin grow thick and tough to deflect all the painful arrows that will be fired at it if you truly are "in trouble".
I think people come here to learn what they DON'T already know, not things they already know. They already know they've created a mess in their lives and they have learned the consequences the hard way.
When they come here, they are seeking advice, not a spit in the face.
well if they want advice maybe they should ask a professional instead of strangers.
we tell it like it is.Like it or not.
I left my advice out but if you want it ,here it is give the baby to someone who cant have one or get an abortion.
Sometimes people want to be anonymous while they get things off their chest and talk to compassionate people about the predicament they are in. If they are lucky, they can find others who have shared the same experience, it can help heal the pain they feel inside. That's what makes this place so wonderful.
I suggest that if you can't relate to the person's problem in a way that would helpful, maybe you should just skip that thread instead of persecuting the person.
Also - I seriously doubt anyone is seeking professional solutions here.
Even a professional counsellor can't undo what has already been done.
Originally posted by IRULE
well if they want advice maybe they should ask a professional instead of strangers.
we tell it like it is.Like it or not.
I left my advice out but if you want it ,here it is give the baby to someone who cant have one or get an abortion.
I agree with one thing IRULE said - put the baby up for adoption. But I do NOT NOT NOT suggest an abortion....it's not the baby's fault it's mother messed up. There are too many couples who long for a child and can't have them and who would give it a wonderful home. I think in a situation like this, adoption is certainly the best option.
Maybe I'm missing something.....but why would it be suggested a woman should give up her baby for adoption just because it's born out of wedlock??? That's LUDICROUS!!!!!
I am not saying that. If she wants to keep it then that's great. Birth parents are best. But if she doesn't want to keep it, then adoption would be a helluva lot better than abortion. Like I said - there are too many couples that want kids and can't have them. If she can give the baby a good home and wants to keep it, then she should keep it. Otherwise, give it up to a loving family.
These decisions are totally personal. The three main choices are:
Abortion
Adoption
Rearing the child herself
I see plusses and minusses in all these options. And let's not start an abortion flame, nor reject adoption out of hand. It IS the right choice for some people.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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