Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
So I looked through my bf's phone last night, I know that is wrong but I was trying to get his best friend's number so I could call and ask a question about a Christmas gift for my bf. There were multiple ex girlfriend's phone numbers in there. I told him about it and he said it is no big deal they are good friends of his. This morning I asked him to delete them and we got into a big argument. He said that he doesn't see why he should have to delete them. He doesn't want to be with them but he may want to contact them one day in the future because they are "friends". One in particular he says is a real good friend that he knew for 5-6 years. I say why is it a big deal to delete them. He says he hasn't talked to them in a long time but why does he want to contact them in the future? It makes me sick that he wants to keep their numbers. I really don't think he would cheat on me but I feel like he is holding on to them as a back up or because he can't let go.
Yes, I trust him as much as I can. I do have a hard time trusting people and men especially. I have a hard time believing that the truly love me. Why is it overbearing. Must he keep so many ex's numbers? Why?
It's just his cell phone's phonebook- i would not worry a thing about that... heck i still have several of my ex's in there for the same reason- you never know when you might need to get in touch with them for something! It's not like i am blowing up their phones all the time b/c i dont - it's just a phone #!! Plus it makes you look super insecure to try and argue over something like that- just know that you have the guy now and maybe he wants to call them and brag about you- who knows!!
If you are going to go thru his cell phone- heck at least be worried about the dialed/received call logs NOT the phonebook!!!
I know you are right. I am overly insecure but I don't keep my ex's numbers. Why is it such an issue for him to delete them? If he looked through my phone and ask me to delete numbers I would because they wouldn't be that important to me. They are in the past and I let go of past relationships. I highly doubt he would be bragging about me if he talked to them or anyone. He doesn't like to mention the gf to other people sometimes when I meet people I get the feeling they are surprised he even has a girlfriend. I can't see any possible reason he would need to get a hold of them other than socially to talk to hang out.
Your being nuts.
He might want to keep her number for a long time. Tough. Treat him good and he will stay with you.
You cant stop things like that, trying to be protective of the person and sufficate them will only make
them want to go out and do things more (subconciously) because they feel your weak.
Be strong and you'll be fine.
For gods sakes, dont think about stuff like that
I have my EX girlfriends number in my head, its not going to disappear.
I have it there because we went out for 3 years, and in that time, I realized
shes a wonderful person, someone I would like to keep in touch with from
time to time. Not because I want to **** her, date her, love her, or go out
with her.
I want to know when shes getting married, if she has a child, how things
in her life shape up.
You cant be so jealous as to think that he "cant know about other people"
human relationships of all kinds are important, so just relax, and love him,
and your own human relationships
It makes me sick that he still has feelings for other women. Fine, they were wonderful people but why do you have to know about their future? They moved on and so did you so why not just let it go? I know I will never get away from that. Sometimes I think that I should just be alone the rest of my life because I can't handle these normal or natural things in a relationship. I want to be the only woman in my man's life and mind. I know that will never happen.
Your worried about losing him. That is fine, tell him that, confess your love. He will tell you this: I love you very much, and I have her number because: xxxxxxx. Some things about a relationship are hard to deal with. Believe me, I know.
You ARE the only woman in his life. You are the most important woman in his life. Because he has the ability to contact her does not make her important. He will ALWAYS have the ability to contact her, or someone new.
He will be with you, because he loves you. As long as the former is true, you will be together.
The alternative, is to take him away, and hide him from the world, and keep him all to yourself, afraid
of losing him to everyone else.
Just relax - HE LOVES YOU. PS he doesnt have feelings for her he just wants to know very occasionally, what she is upto.
Thank you. I'm sure you are right. He does know I am scared of losing him and he does try to reassure me. I always overreact and think the worst. I'm in therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping much. I just get so upset about these things and can't think about anything else. I have started reading a book about obsessive bad thoughts. Hopefully it will help me. I somtimes really think that there is no help for me or I am just too much of a bi&^* to change. Other times I wonder if there is a "perfect" match for me out there to where everything will be in sinc. I know that I will find a problem in anyone though. I just don't know why he wants to know what she is up to. I can't relate, I don't ever feel that way about my ex's. I honestly do believe that he still has feelings for her too. Maybe not in a way that he wants to be in a relationship but in a bonding way. I wish I could hide him and myself from the world.
like i said above. He wants to know if they have childern, etc - much like I want to know when my guy friends get married etc.
same thing.
But, I dont think your being a bitch. I think your being human. Its natural to have feelings of jealousy
however it is UNNATURAL to demand him to delete them. Then he is just feeding your jealousy.
Last edited by yogi-mon; 20th November 2003 at 11:39 AM..
I just can't relate or understand. Why do you want to know those things. Who cares? They are not a part of your life anymore, why does it matter? I mean he has a long distance phone number from college and he won't even change it to a local number for fear that people won't be able to get a hold of him. I say if they really needed to or wanted to they could.
Being jealous is the easy way out. Being strong is the hard way out. Sometimes the hard way is the right way.
Conqour your jealousy and you will feel ALOT better. About everything. And you wont waste so much
of your VALUEABLE life time thinking ****ty thoughts which make you feel like crap. Get a hobby or something.
I once had a girlfriend who got jealous because I had overalls which were showing my boxers (just the top of them)
I stopped wearing them for her - i found out later that it would not be the end of it.
Eventually, she was asking "where i was, who was there, was she pretty blah blah" It eventually ended only when I dumped her.
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