Intimacy

[threebyfate]

Forget the dictionary definition since it's generic. What does it mean to you? The reason I ask is that your definition might give you some insight into what you need in a relationship.

[anne1707]

How about you tell us what it means to you before asking others open themselves up. Would seem fair.

[Star Gazer]

How about you tell us what it means to you before asking others open themselves up. Would seem fair.

 

I agree completely. This is a set up.

[threebyfate]

Strange that something so simple can be viewed in such a paranoid fashion.

[carhill]

Here's a perhaps unusual perspective:

 

Intimacy is when my best friend shares his fears about some physical health issues and I give him a hug, tell him I love him and will be there for him and that it's going to be OK. Then we toss back a beer. That's intimacy. We then go on to have a more factual talk about how I'll handle his estate.

 

I wasn't aware that TBF has been 'setting up' people. Have I missed something?

 

I also had some intimacy of the heterosexual type this past weekend, meaning intimacy with a woman. Pretty much the same dynamic, with the major difference for myself being that, with a woman, being straight, feeling sexual allows that intimacy level to deepen. For myself, that's the main advantage/desire/motivation for heterosexual relationships; greater opportunity for a deeper, more intimate connection. To the extent that women have a commonly greater propensity for/capacity to express/desire intimacy, it is why I've historically had 'closer' female friends than male, though that has changed somewhat with age, as men my age are becoming more emotionally open IME.

 

One datapoint

[threebyfate]

No, you haven't missed anything carhill. What you're seeing is a couple of competitive women doing their competitive thing and failing badly at it.

[Lovelybird]

Intimacy is opposite to what you experienced here, and right now

[Kamille]

Intimacy is opposite to what you experienced here, and right now

 

Good one Lovelybird.

 

I think it's an interesting exercise.

 

When I think about it, there's definitely an element of trust to my definition of intimacy. It's trusting someone so much that you feel safe with them. It's also, in my romantic relationship, feeling close to bf. I would say we're very close, we both value intimacy a lot and to us, it means spending hours together, not doing anything. Laughing, hanging out, chatting, cuddling (...). It's the sweetest, safest feeling in the world.

 

Ah, look at that. Apparently, to me, feeling intimate is akin to feeling safe. But it's more than safe. It's feeling safe and happy.

[carhill]

Another perhaps odd remembrance:

 

Being with my exW in recovery after surgery shortly before we were married and holding her hair back as she was regaining consciousness and vomiting blood from the surgery into a bucket. Her hair in one hand, the bucket in the other. Seeing someone I loved so vulnerable and helpless and me not being quite sure, even with assurances (from the medical staff), that everything was really OK.

 

I remember, much later, when caregiving for my mother and listening to my exW's 'complaints', reminding her of that period and to watch how I cared for my mother as it would be how I'd care for her if she happened to become so afflicted or infirm. Evidently, we had different intimacy languages. LOL.

 

Obviously, intimacy has many more positive, joyous aspects (one might look to the OP's child's birth as one such example) but I include painful, perhaps negatively emotional examples as occurences where true intimacy and love can keep one in a dynamic where one might otherwise walk away. Staying is what makes it intimate. Giving of one's self, one's heart, one's mind.

[threebyfate]

Nice carhill and Kamille. Both of you have painted your words in a way that's easy for others to experience your concepts of intimacy.

 

You too, lovelybird!

 

Openness that includes intellectual, emotional and physical. In that type of openness, there's trust, respect, sharing and caring.

 

H. and I share our minds, emotions and body's so we're tuned to each other's wants and needs. And yes, there are sometimes bumps (Consider Bump. Now that was a big bump. ) in misunderstandings and individual wants but through that same openness, we manage to resolve them.

 

So that's my concept of intimacy.

Edited May 10, 2011 by threebyfate

[melodymatters]

The reason I ask is that your definition might give you some insight into what you need in a relationship.

 

 

I never engage in grudge matches here, but in Anne and SG's defense, I rather wondered at the tone of the post : as if the poster is the resident psychologist, singing in to "help us" understand what WE need in a relationship. Comes off a tad patronizing.

 

Perhaps if she went on to give her defintion in the op, it wouldn't have come off that way.

 

Whatever, signing off before the attacks start

Edited May 10, 2011 by melodymatters
signing not singing, lol

[threebyfate]

I never engage in grudge matches here, but in Anne and SG's defense, I rather wondered at the tone of the post : as if the poster is the resident psychologist, singing in to "help us" understand what WE need in a relationship. Comes off a tad patronizing.

 

Perhaps if she went on to give her defintion in the op, it wouldn't have come off that way.

 

Whatever, signing off before the attacks start

Actually mel, you're one of the most disappointing members on LS of all the regulars. You do engage in grudge matches. Your past record of attacking me for no reason beyond a difference in political perspective, where prior you and I were friends, was something I found most hurtful.

 

But carry on with your resentment with posts like this. We're long done.

[carhill]

Where a 'friendly' hug becomes a 'I don't want to let this person go' and a confluence of thought and emotion keeps both people voluntarily choosing to remain in the embrace. No talk, no sex; just being together in the moment.

[melodymatters]

Actually mel, you're one of the most disappointing members on LS of all the regulars. You do engage in grudge matches. Your past record of attacking me for no reason beyond a difference in political perspective, where prior you and I were friends, was something I found most hurtful.

 

But carry on with your resentment with posts like this. We're long done.

 

 

Name one "grudge match", find ONE mean spirited post, I dare you ! I have NEVER attaacked you. You started a post saying that the "bottom 50%" were basically useless and thus you stopped donating to food banks. I challenged you for such a heartless post and at one point asked about your nanny, saying it didn't sound like she had a regularly paying, long term profession, and you said " She is not in the bottom 50%..........That is all".

 

I'm quoting from memory because it was SUCH a nasty and degrading post, let alone dismissing me with :" That is all".

 

Since then I stay far away from your posts usually, and to think I regularly attack you is narcissistic in the extreme. You are not important enough to me for me to carry any resentment towards you.

 

THAT is all.

[threebyfate]

Name one "grudge match", find ONE mean spirited post, I dare you ! I have NEVER attaacked you. You started a post saying that the "bottom 50%" were basically useless and thus you stopped donating to food banks. I challenged you for such a heartless post and at one point asked about your nanny, saying it didn't sound like she had a regularly paying, long term profession, and you said " She is not in the bottom 50%..........That is all".

 

I'm quoting from memory because it was SUCH a nasty and degrading post, let alone dismissing me with :" That is all".

 

Since then I stay far away from your posts usually, and to think I regularly attack you is narcissistic in the extreme. You are not important enough to me for me to carry any resentment towards you.

 

THAT is all.

If you go back to that time, not only did you pot shot me in that thread, you also took pot shots in other threads which I ignored at the time. Convenient memory or what? Friggen' disappointing, to say the least.

[RecordProducer]

Forget the dictionary definition since it's generic. What does it mean to you? The reason I ask is that your definition might give you some insight into what you need in a relationship.

Intimacy = penetration. Other than that, it means affection, love, understanding, friendship, closeness, teamship... but who the heck expects (or even better, gets) that from a marriage?

[threebyfate]

Intimacy = penetration. Other than that, it means affection, love, understanding, friendship, closeness, teamship... but who the heck expects (or even better, gets) that from a marriage?

((hugs)) It does happen. But thanks for your definition.

[runner]

Forget the dictionary definition since it's generic. What does it mean to you? The reason I ask is that your definition might give you some insight into what you need in a relationship.

 

no masks, no walls, no boundaries. just pure engaged expression between two people.