This is a tricky one.

I have fallen in love with my best friend... she already has a boyfriend who she is very happy with and I am sure they will marry if they are still together in the next few years.

All I want is for her to be happy... but just recently I have been getting uncontrollable urges to kiss the girl. She doesn't help matters and flirts with me unashamedly, I have known her for nearly a year now. We have talked about how I feel but she says she trusts me and feels safe with me...

Recently we seem to be going behind her boyfriends back and I feel myself slipping and crossing lines that maybe we shouldn't, she says her boyfriend 'wouldn't understand' and that he needs to 'learn to trust her', but I'm not sure that I do.

I don't believe she is purpously planning to cheat on him, it isn't in her nature. My own judgment of this matter is becoming increasingly clouded and I'm wondering if I'm wrong to give her soul responsibility for setting the bounds of our relationship.

The worst part is that I believe that she does find herself atracted to me... I can see it in her face that she's fighting it when we're together, and she's said as much. It seems the more I restrain myself the worse the situation gets.

at what point does a friendly hug become me holding her?
at what point does a peck on the cheek become a kiss on the lips?
at what point does me spending the night sleeping on the floor become me spending the night in her bed?

I just can't trust myself anymore...

[midori]

Originally posted by Plato-panic

Recently we seem to be going behind her boyfriends back and I feel myself slipping and crossing lines that maybe we shouldn't, she says her boyfriend 'wouldn't understand' and that he needs to 'learn to trust her', but I'm not sure that I do.

I don't believe she is purpously planning to cheat on him, it isn't in her nature. My own judgment of this matter is becoming increasingly clouded and I'm wondering if I'm wrong to give her soul responsibility for setting the bounds of our relationship.

You're right, you shouldn't be giving her sole responsibility for respecting the boundaries. People are responsible for their own actions, but a friend would not facilitate or encourage his friend to do something that they both know would jeopardize something that is important to her.

at what point does a friendly hug become me holding her?

when it feels to you like you're holding her

at what point does a peck on the cheek become a kiss on the lips?

when it's not a peck on the cheek but a kiss on the lips

at what point does me spending the night sleeping on the floor become me spending the night in her bed?

you can surely tell the difference...

Forgive me, but this doesn't sound entirely sincere. The above questions suggest to me that you are anticipating, in fact counting on, things crossing the line. If you want to sleep with her, why on earth are you spending the night at her place? Come on. At this point you are NOT just a friend, you're a guy who wants to steal her away from her boyfriend. You pay lip service to how you know they have a great relationship, yada yada, but you acknowledge that you're placing the burden entirely on her to keep things in check.

You know what you want. It's unclear perhaps as to what she wants, but my best guess is that she's playing with you. Whatever she's up to, it doesn't look good. If she's interested in you, she should break up with her boyfriend. If she isn't interested in you enough to do that, then she shouldn't be toying with you. This is just silly. She's being inconsiderate of both you and her boyfriend. Think of how you would feel in his shoes, knowing that there's this guy "friend" pining after her, sleeping over when he really wants to be sleeping with her, just waiting for something to go wrong with the relationship so that he can step in.

Why are you participating in this? If you do get her to cheat on her boyfriend with you, what will that say about her?

If you want to salvage the friendship to any degree, I think you should back waaaay off. Take a cold shower. Find some new activities and new people to do them with. Give this girl some space for a while. If she wants to break up with her boyfriend, great -- and good luck! But if not (and it sounds like not) then for the sake of your heart and your integrity you need to free yourself from that coil.

I don't want to steal her away from her boyfriend thats the last thing I want, I can't sleep at nights agonising over it.

I don't know... maybe a part of me does, I just want to hold her and make sure she's okay, I'd do anything for her. maybe thats what I define as love? lust doesn't realy come into it, its not something I let myself conciously think about.

maybe my last post sounded incencere because I had to re-write it.

I feel myself stuck between a rock and a hard place, I can think what I like and make all the decisions I like, but if she asks me to do anything my self controll melts away.

maybe I'm just a weak minded fool...

I can tell the diference damn it but I cant seem to stop myself from slipping. and I'm afraid of what I'ts doing to her,

the girl has a very self sacrificing dedication to her friends and may do something for me so as not to hurt my feelings...

God damn this is so ****ing scary its one huge scary ass responsibility, I see how she treats her friends and then to know she considers me her best friend...

I'm afraid of what I might be doing to her, but I can't help mself. I need to see her, its like I'm adicted.

I'm still participating in this because I can't help myself.

Its almost funny, If I told her I had to stop seeing her because of how I feel I'd probably get a huge kiss and then she'd talk me out of it.