clearingclouds-- there will never be a right answer to your dilemma. the correct answer is the one you stand behind and never look back on. your girlfriends personality will not change, by reflecting on her positive attributes perhaps the negative ones will fade and become less pronounced. you've heard the saying"he/she brings out the best in me" this is how two people who love each other can work together and bring about great things in this world. julie
I feel, whenever someone has this question, marry or break up, the answer is break up. No one should EVER get married unless they WANT TO. Obligated marriages? You think that'll truly work out? C'mon. Get real.
If there's even a question in your mind if you should break up instead of get married, break up. If you break up but later regret it, you could always potentially fix things. If you get married and later regret it, it becomes a hell of a lot more complicated.
DO NOT GET MARRIED.Look at the increase in friggin divorce rates.Do you know how many people I know who got married because it was what they were "supposed to do at that age" Don't be silly about it. Date the person you're with or break up and start over with someone else but don't get married.
I'm a 24 year old guy and I've been engaged for a year now. I've been haunted with doubts for the past 1 year. My fiance's family is kind of conservative and I don't like them - I somehow feel like I'm not just marrying her but her whole freakin' faimly. I still love her, but I increasingly try to spend more time alone with myself. I have always been a shy guy and not very popular with the ladies, but at this point I'm thinking that being alone might be better than getting trapped in a marriage that I'm not prepared for. Who knows, maybe I will find someone sometime - I'm still not even 25. I've thought about this a lot - I think I owe it to her and her family but thats not why I wanna go for it. She still has no clue that I wanna break up- I act strange sometimes (and I know it) but she thinks that it's work or just some weirdity. I'm quite scared of her actually ! Especially since we are graduate students in the same school and in the same office ! Actually we were involved before we started working in the same place, and it was quite coincidental. I think the breakup is going to affect our professional relationship - but I'm finally gonna do it pretty soon. Am I doing the right thing folks ?
Obviously, you were infatuated with her and never really loved her, if you are being a complete wimp about marriage. Marriage means maturity, responsiblity and love. Marriage is suspose to be a blessing not an end. It seems to me guys use relationships to be selfish and then leave because they are now called to be selfless. You proably were never ready to get involved with this girl in the first place and that is your irresponsibilty on your part.
First of all I laughed my butt off at the word Weirdity????hahaha!! Secondly, I think you are doing the right thing by breaking it off..If you are having doubts it's best to take care of things now then when you are in toooooo deep..
Originally posted by clearingclouds Commitment
I committeed myself when I entered into my relationship and, significantly, when I proposed to her. For a long period, she spent time not listening to my desires (my 'sensitivity') for her not to yell at me when discussing trivial issues, she would not express an interest in me and my life, she spent time with others instead of me, she engaged in activities she knew I would not participate in, she criticized and complained of me to her friends and family, she would only have sex on her schedule, and she would not do her chores around the house. There is much more that demonstrate selfishness.
And, when I confronted her with these issues in a polite way, she was angry. She yelled. She broke things. She threw things. She said many things two people in love should not say to one another. When I told her to stop, she continued. For a long time, this behavior continued. I feel degraded, my confidence is low, I am sad...
Now, she says she is sorry.
When does commitment end? When is there forgiveness? I don't know. I don't think my sadness will ever end though. Why was my commitment treated poorly by the most important person in my life? Will it happen again?
Sex
What does it mean when two lose sexual interest? Of many, that is a question I, too, think of. Sex is not a merely a physical activity for me. It is an act of love... If there is no sex or an interest in sex, how is my love? how is the love of my fiancee?
i have read all of your posts up to this one, and have come to the point where i feel my relationship is that much better. but i have to tell you this, if you feel degraded, and lack confidence, you need to be out of that relationship, hopefully by now you are, as i feel bad for you, but you DO NOT WANT to be in that relationship! period.
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