TO MEN ONLY (ok fine, you women can join in) - OKCupid message response rate?

[Raderick]

Seems like I'm having a really hard time getting women to respond to my initial messages. I try to respond to a couple things mentioned in the profile, inquire about something said, introduce myself and wishing a reply back.

 

So, to the men:

1. How many messages, approximately have you sent?

2. What do you usually mention in your opening message?

3. How many messages have you got responses back?

4. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

5. If #4 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

6. Out of those responses, how many turned into dates?

7. Have you received any first messages from women?

 

To the women:

1. How many messages do you get on any given day?

2. How many messages have you responded to?

3. How many of those responses led to dates?

4. Have you ever sent the first message to a guy? If not, why?

5. What do you usually mention in your opening message (given #4 applies to you)

6. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

7. If #6 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

Edited August 16, 2010 by Raderick

[Sanman]

As a guy:

 

1. I have actually lost count. I'm sure hundreds.

2. Something personal. something witty

3. Depends on ethnicity...my ethnicity about 1/3 to 1/4 respond; other ethnicities maybe 1 in 20.

4. Of those I get in a conversation with; better than 50% turn into dates

5. I have received my share of winks and messages. However, it is from women I am very much not attracted to.

[kalikula]

I was OKC but hardly ever responded to anyone. Try IMing people. It's easier to respond to an IM than a whole message and might lead to a better conversation. IMO.

[zengirl]

I'm always curious to the rates these fellows complain about, so this should be interesting. I'd also wonder if having a higher compatibility number and/or clearly stated common interests (i.e. lots of things in common between the profiles) factored in. While looks can rule anybody out, a lot of the fellows I don't write back to have nothing in common with me and low match numbers. . . I mostly wonder why they wrote me.

 

I was OKC but hardly ever responded to anyone. Try IMing people. It's easier to respond to an IM than a whole message and might lead to a better conversation. IMO.

 

Of course this shows the same thing doesn't work with everyone. I never respond to IMs (usually turn it off though) and hate when people send 1 sentence or an IM. Generally, unless the fellow has a REALLY great profile, a compatibility score in the 90s, and cute cute cute pictures, this is going to lead me to not respond. But I like people who like words.

 

For me, it's hard not to respond to a well-written message, but sometimes I have to halt myself from giving it a real response (and just send some kind of "No, thanks") because I already know it's a fellow I'm not going to go out with (looks or some sort of stand-out on the profile, like dislikes kids, etc). But very few people send well-written messages anyway.

[tigressA]

To the women:

1. How many messages do you get on any given day?

2. How many messages have you responded to?

3. How many of those responses led to dates?

4. Have you ever sent the first message to a guy? If not, why?

5. What do you usually mention in your opening message (given #4 applies to you)

6. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

7. If #6 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

 

1. Normally I get about one message a day. If I edit my profile or change up my pictures it'll net me up to 3 in a day.

 

2. My response rate is very very low. I'd say it's about 1 in 20. The vast majority of messages I've received have been in the one-sentence category, like "What's up" or "Ur so beautiful, message me back if ur interested", blah blah.

 

3. Out of the above responses, only 3 led to dates.

 

4. I've sent an initial message to all the guys I found myself most interested in. This is the way I've netted the most dates.

 

5. I'll mention a couple of things from their profile that we have in common and I'll crack a couple of jokes. The guys who've responded (most of them) have said I'm very "funny and charming".

 

6. We're off OKC within a day or two.

 

7. It's 50/50. They've given me contact information or they've asked me for mine. Usually it's after I mention how much OKC's IM function sucks.

Edited August 16, 2010 by tigressA

[bobdole]

Does it have to be OKC? well to bad... you're getting mine anyway haha!

 

Male - trying online dating for the first time going on the 4th week:

 

1. How many messages, approximately have you sent?

Actual thought out messages, about 40 or so. Another 150 or so pretty generic ones.

2. What do you usually mention in your opening message?

On the generic ones, its usually - "Theres nothing in your profile but your cute lets talk" (more eloquently put obviously). For thought out messages, I read their profile and try to comment on it.

3. How many messages have you got responses back?

Atleast 25-30

4. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

I haven't had to text/call until the day before the date to confirm the plans or have a way to contact if something happened and one of us couldn't make it.

5. If #4 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

Never asked for it. I've provided mine and they gave theirs back, but again I haven't spoke to anyone on the phone prior to date 1 yet.

6. Out of those responses, how many turned into dates?

Everyone I've pursued has turned into a date. About 8 women and something like 15 dates so far. I only asked 3 of those out on 2nd dates and 1 of those on a 3rd. I plan to not date anymore than 1-2 at a time from now on though. It was pretty crazy for awhile.

7. Have you received any first messages from women?

Actual messages with substance? I think 2 and I didn't respond to them. Messages with basically "Whats up?" in them - about 3 and I've only responded to maybe 1 of those. Lots of retarded winks, I don't think I've responded to any of those yet.

[brainygirl]

my message rate is one a day, or every other day.

unless they guy creeps me out or has no picture up, or a very very old picture up

(like obviously ten years old) I will respond.

I've had one dates on okcupid and three on pof.

I message the guys all the time and send out maybe three a week.

I usally will IM a while then take it to facebook or to texting if I feel comfortable with it

Any time I've offered contact info I've gotten it back

[WintersNightTraveler]

So, to the men:

1. How many messages, approximately have you sent?

 

I don't know. Dozens or hundreds, but I stopped sending months ago.

 

 

2. What do you usually mention in your opening message?

 

Some witty (hopefully) reference to a specific item in her profile so she knows I read the whole thing. Two references if I can think of two good ones. Something we have in common if there is something. I keep the message under about 10 lines in all cases.

 

 

 

3. How many messages have you got responses back?

 

I'd say ballpark 10%. I don't know exactly. Certainly no more than 20% and probably not less than 5%.

 

 

4. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

 

As soon as possible. Suggest a date and/or move to phone after a few in depth messages, max. Prefer real email to OKC messaging if possible.

 

If it goes longer than that they are probably just wasting my time and I stop.

 

 

 

5. If #4 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

 

If they write back I get to phone contact fairly often. Half the time maybe? 25%? Don't know exactly. A decent reply means they think you are pretty and worth finding out more about, so it's not too hard to move forward.

 

I am not counting obvious BS replies or gentle one line rejections or whatever here as responses.

 

 

6. Out of those responses, how many turned into dates?

 

Less than half, there are some flakes, as well as a few I realized that I had no interest in.

 

 

7. Have you received any first messages from women?

 

Yes, although not that many traditionally.

 

I switched to a drastically different profile last week though and got a few messages and winks right off the bat on day 1 or 2. Two were from attractive young women I could be compatible with. That's more frequently than I am used to traditionally.

 

However I think this may also be because OKC drives more traffic to new or rejoined member profiles up front to entice them. Or my new profile was a good idea.

 

Most messages I don't respond to at all. Either they are not attractive, not compatible, or both.

 

One turned into a on-again off-again booty call thing (interestingly, she had no pics up, but turned out to be young and attractive, normally I wouldn't even bother replying to no pics but something sparked my spidey-sense, plus this was years ago, early in my online dating experience). I think this was on PoF, but I quit that site soon. This girl contacts me to this day (literally today), I don't know what I put in her water but it sure got her hooked.

 

Another I have a date with on Friday, wish me luck. She seems very cool, possibly someone I might like a lot, although I guess I'll find out.

 

I can't remember if any of the others went anywhere, maybe had a few dates but nothing that stands out.

[Brady_to_Moss]

When i was active...i sent about 76 messages with 6 responses leading to nothing at all

[dispatch3d]

So, to the men:

1. How many messages, approximately have you sent?

2. What do you usually mention in your opening message?

3. How many messages have you got responses back?

4. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

5. If #4 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

6. Out of those responses, how many turned into dates?

7. Have you received any first messages from women?

 

1. If I had to guess under 10

2. I don't usually mention anything. I generally poke fun at something in particular on their profile.

3. Initially I had 2/3 or 3/4. Something like that. Neither really developed into anything and frankly I didn't care that much. Since then it's probably 0/6 or something. I assume i messed up something on my profile and i am much too lazy to care to change it.

4. I was using POF, and a big part of it may be people mostly use it in September/October then let their profiles go dormant. I generally did 4-5 messages then to msn. I got a phone number but didn't bother calling (she wasn't interested enough to warrant it). I tried once with a girl who messaged me to convert from pof messaging to phone in 3 messages (VERY FAST). Didn't work. I try lots of different things to see what does or doesn't really work in case you haven't realized. Lol I do this with a very small sample tho.

5. Msn is easiest. If you can't get that then meh.

6. One and I"m pretty sure we both flaked on it. Oh **** I just remembered - I got two phone numbers not one.

7. Yes, I have no idea how many. Again I would guess under 10. Most/vast majority being extremely unattractive.

[ReadyforLove]

I'm no longer on the site but when I was...

 

To the women:

1. How many messages do you get on any given day?

Maybe 1-2

 

2. How many messages have you responded to?

I probably responded to less than 40%

 

3. How many of those responses led to dates?

I only went out with two of the men I messaged.

 

4. Have you ever sent the first message to a guy? If not, why?

Yes, I have.

 

5. What do you usually mention in your opening message (given #4 applies to you)

I just say hi, I cam across his profile. I tell him what I liked about his profile and if he is interested to feel free to write back.

 

6. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

Depends on the feel I get for the guy. If I like him, maybe after a week or so.

 

7. If #6 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

Pretty much every time.

Edited August 16, 2010 by ReadyforLove

[Eeyore79]

To the women:

1. How many messages do you get on any given day?

2. How many messages have you responded to?

I used to get heaps of messages, but I responded to very few, mostly because the guy was entirely incompatible and had obvously just messaged me because he liked the look of my photos. Messages which said something about my appearance like "You're hot/pretty/sexy" immediately got deleted, as did generic messages which weren't tailored specifically to me, while messages from someone who had actually read my profile and who sounded interesting would usually get a reply. If I wasn't interested in a guy, even if his message was perfectly lovely I would still just ignore it, so as not to give him false hope.

 

3. How many of those responses led to dates?

I would often respond to people just because they sounded interesting and looked ok, but we would usually have to exchange a lot of emails and talk online and on the phone for a few weeks before I'd agree to meet up. I would only meet up if I'd already decided that they seemed like a good prospect. If their messages or conversations indicated something I didn't like, I simply stopped talking to them.

 

4. Have you ever sent the first message to a guy? If not, why?

5. What do you usually mention in your opening message (given #4 applies to you)

Yes, I've sent the first message to a guy before. I found that I was getting a lot of messages from guys who were incompatible or just not my type, and there were other guys whose profiles I was much more interested in. So I would email the guys I found interesting and say what I liked about their profile, why I thought we would be compatible, and why I would be interested in talking to them further. Then I would tell them to write back if they wanted to chat, and I would usually ask a specific question so they had something easy to write about. I've had guys say that they had viewed my profile before but thought I wouldn't be interested in them, so they didn't have the nerve to message me, and they were really happy when I messaged them.

 

6. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

As soon as I've decided that I'm actually interested in them, and they're not a psycho and don't have any major dealbreakers. After a few emails, my first step would usually be to allow them on my OKC IM (which was usually blocked), then on my MSN or whatever after a week or two, and then voice chat via MSN. Giving out my phone number would always be the last step, and I'd have to be fairly sure I liked the guy before I'd go that far. Then maybe after a couple more weeks I'd agree to a meeting.

 

7. If #6 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

The guy would usually be the one who gave me his MSN or phone number first, and I'd usually sit on it for a few days until I felt ready to take things that far. If he'd pestered me for a date early on, at best I'd be evasive, and at worst I'd stop talking to him. A lot of times, random guys would send me their phone number or MSN and say they wanted to be friends - I would just ignore those messages completely, because I don't want to talk to someone unless we've gotten to know each other a little first and I've assessed them as being a non-psycho.

[Cens]

1. How many messages, approximately have you sent?

2. What do you usually mention in your opening message?

3. How many messages have you got responses back?

4. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

5. If #4 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

6. Out of those responses, how many turned into dates?

7. Have you received any first messages from women?

 

Since I joined OKC about 3 weeks ago I've sent 22 emails and received 6 unsolicited. I'm batting an amazing 40% on replies, but many of those disappeared quickly. That is way better than any other site I've tried so far. Two dates so far. One of the six that contacted me turned into a date and one is current in "on the phone" status. I try to get out of the system as quickly as possible because I get sick of chatting in email pretty quickly and I want to know if they are actually interested or not. No time for IM and texting with someone I'm not dating. I have a full time job already :-)

 

I try to take the time to send an actual letter to anyone I'm initiated contact with. Comment on things in their profile that you can actually talk about, or have a story about. I don't care how cute they are if there is nothing in the profile that interests me. I try to make some comments, say something funny, and end with question.

[Eeyore79]

It's interesting that as a guy you want to get to the dating part asap, and don't have time for IM and texting. As a woman I'm wary of my personal safety, and I want a significant amount of IM and texting before meeting, so I can assess whether a guy is a psycho and whether he likes me and not just my photos. If a guy wasn't willing to put in at least 3-4 weeks of contact before meeting then I'd assume he didn't want to get to know me as a person.

[tigressA]

It's interesting that as a guy you want to get to the dating part asap, and don't have time for IM and texting. As a woman I'm wary of my personal safety, and I want a significant amount of IM and texting before meeting, so I can assess whether a guy is a psycho and whether he likes me and not just my photos. If a guy wasn't willing to put in at least 3-4 weeks of contact before meeting then I'd assume he didn't want to get to know me as a person.

 

At least 3-4 weeks? That's a lot of time. I don't wait nearly that long. I like to meet as soon as possible. There was only one time I had to wait that long and it was due to circumstances outside our control. I got kinda worried that I had built the guy up and things wouldn't be as good in person. I had nothing to worry about, in the end, but still it was a bit nervewracking, waiting that long.

[bobdole]

If a guy wasn't willing to put in at least 3-4 weeks of contact before meeting then I'd assume he didn't want to get to know me as a person.

 

1-2 weeks is the max contact I'd be willing to put up with before meeting someone. Take that as you will, but my own reasoning is simply there are many other women out there that want to meet me and I have no desire to be a pen pal. Only 1 woman so far has refused to meet me after a few days of mail. After the second week I flatly told her exactly what I just told you all. She tried to make contact with me a few times since but I've ignored her.

 

By dating only those that put up with your 3-4 week thing, the only thing you've proved is either your extremely hot and a few guys will jump through some major hoops or the guy is desperate. The crazies are going to slip through one way or another. Again, just my opinion.

[bac]

I think you are over analyzing smth that is natural because of your young age and the nature of online dating. IMO, at your age, it is easier to find a girl IRL than to do it online.

A normal-looking man's popularity online with females goes up and down with his age. It will go up from age 25, pick at 30s, and go down at 40s. At 50s you are going to be as popular online as you are at 21-23. At 60s, probably as you are at 15-16.

[MyNameIsJonas]

I recently got off OKC for various reasons but I'll answer anyway.

 

So, to the men:

1. How many messages, approximately have you sent?

2. What do you usually mention in your opening message?

3. How many messages have you got responses back?

4. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

5. If #4 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

6. Out of those responses, how many turned into dates?

7. Have you received any first messages from women?

 

1. Initial messages? Less than 10.

2. I try to find something very specific in their profile and comment on it. Note I said comment not question and I limit it to one thing.

3. Less than 20%; it's one of the reasons I rarely send the first message.

4. I gauge it based on the response of the woman: if I'm getting positive questions back, I'll drop my e-mail based on the fact that i don't like the interface (which I don't).

5. Around 90% of the time mostly because I drop my e-mail and don't ask for hers. It's rare that she doesn't drop me an e-mail within some reasonable timeframe.

6. All because I ALWAYS pitch the meet up before I pitch the outside contact information. The ultimate goal is meeting her so if she isn't interested in taking it that far, I'm not interested in taking it beyond the site.

7. Yes, in fact I get a lot of them. My profile is very sarcastic and I basically give off the vibe that I don't care because I really don't. I get first messages all of the time about how funny it is or something around that. I should also mention that if I get a first message of one sentence, or she doesn't give me anything to go off of, I normally don't respond back.

 

Of course, I'm the jerk who defies the norm on these sites so take my responses for what they are.

[brainygirl]

It's interesting that as a guy you want to get to the dating part asap, and don't have time for IM and texting. As a woman I'm wary of my personal safety, and I want a significant amount of IM and texting before meeting, so I can assess whether a guy is a psycho and whether he likes me and not just my photos. If a guy wasn't willing to put in at least 3-4 weeks of contact before meeting then I'd assume he didn't want to get to know me as a person.

 

there are definite advantages to having lots of conversations via text, email, or IM to meeting right away. Basically it helps screen out the crazy. You can watch for inconsistent answers and for ideas and topics within the conversation that don't match up with what they claim to be important.

 

For example: the guy who's profile says "I read my bible every day and just want a nice girl to settle down with" but wants to talk about drinking, partying and sex will get the boot. Not that I have anything against sex, but I do take exception to people who pretend to be something they aren't.

 

another example is the just plain crazy person. People with mental disorders reveal themselves in conversation on a long enough sample, if you watch for inconsistency, obsessivness, and "off-ness" in their patterns of interaction.

 

When I DO go REAL WORLD, I push for a short, in public meeting over a long intimate conversation. Its about making sure the person is who they say they are.

 

I once met a guy in a park near his home and got such a bad vibe off him that I lied about some lame excuse, got in my car and drove away, fast. He smiled, he was nice and he scared the hell outta me. Another guy I met at a Braums, ate an icecream with, and ended up dating him for quite a while. Willingness to respect a woman's boundries is HUGE guys. HUGE.

[shadowplay]

I signed up for OKC only recently, so my numbers may be skewed.

 

I'm female.

 

Weekdays I seem to get about 3-4 messages a day. On the weekend it's more like 5-7. I don't know; a lot of guys message me who have nothing in common with me and a really low match rating. It's annoying. It seems like the guys I'm interested in are more selective.

 

I've messaged a few guys, and about 1/2 respond.

 

So far this has all led to 3 planned dates.

 

Sometimes a guy will message me who seems vaguely interesting, but after one or two messages back I learn more about them and lose interest.

[alexlakeman]

You are doing it wrong.. look at my last thread on the subject... revamp your method..

[Raderick]

You are doing it wrong.. look at my last thread on the subject... revamp your method..

 

link??????

[zengirl]

Didn't have time to finish this part this morning before the first set of classes.

 

To the women:

1. How many messages do you get on any given day?

 

Currently, I've not uploaded or done anything lately, barely log in, and so my messages have slowed down a lot. My profile also clearly states I'm abroad and not moving back for a bit (it's only a few days now, but the site doesn't say the exact day).

 

I still get about 3-5 messages a day. Most of them are crap, though. Some are from people I'm already writing to.

 

2. How many messages have you responded to?

There are about a dozen guys I liked well enough to write back several times. But, really, there's one guy I really like now, hence my not logging in much. If they write me something interesting, I still write back. If a new guy does, I mostly say to catch me when I'm in the States (if they would otherwise be potentially interesting), because at this point, I think things are going to work out with this other guy and it seems wrong to let them spend any time trying to write to me.

 

My situation is odd, because really I would've met the men I messaged back by now had I been home. So. . . I wouldn't have this extraordinary great potential in one man but still keep up a profile. I tend to only date men who make their intentions plain, and this fellow has to a strong degree, but I don't believe in starting something as a LDR. You've got to really see the person first too!

 

3. How many of those responses led to dates?

This time around, none. Because of random circumstances. One led to major video chatting and what has a 90% chance to be a relationship in a week.

 

Last time I did online dating and met my ex, I probably went out with about a dozen guys.

 

4. Have you ever sent the first message to a guy? If not, why?

Yes, including the fellow I'm talking about now and my ex. I do better with the guys I approach.

 

5. What do you usually mention in your opening message (given #4 applies to you)

The reason I found them interesting.

 

6. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

Usually fairly quickly to a call or even a meet. In this case, because of time differences and since I don't like IM much, it took me awhile to get to IM (maybe 2 weeks and several messages). Once we IMed, we video chatted from then on.

 

Last time, probably 2 messages back and forth. I used to do IM more, but now I just expect guys to understand: I hate it. I find it intrusive. Message me until we know we want to chat, then call me once or something, and then we'll meet (assuming this is physically possible). The quality of the messages and their profile impacts this greatly.

 

7. If #6 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

Never asked a guy for his. Even when I message guys, they usually offer this up first. Mostly, any guy who writes me back the kind of message that would keep my interest is interested, and he wants to meet. If a guy writes back one line or something, my interest drops considerably, because I like guys who can write and articulate themselves. And guys tend to be much more about meeting than I am. I need to see who a person is. (This might be because my profile and pics are fairly detailed, but I suspect it's more because they want to see how cute I look in person before they consider these things too much.)

[alexlakeman]

link??????

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t241186/

[Philetus]

Seems like I'm having a really hard time getting women to respond to my initial messages. I try to respond to a couple things mentioned in the profile, inquire about something said, introduce myself and wishing a reply back.

 

So, to the men:

1. How many messages, approximately have you sent?

2. What do you usually mention in your opening message?

3. How many messages have you got responses back?

4. How soon do you take it off OKC (texting, phone calling, IMing, etc)

5. If #4 applies to you, how often do you get responses back with contact information?

6. Out of those responses, how many turned into dates?

7. Have you received any first messages from women?

 

I'm in a relationship and have disabled my OKCupid account, but...

 

1 - In the roughly six weeks I was on, I probably contacted 20-30 people.

 

2 - I open with some kind of joke relating to something in their profile. I reference something we have in common. I mention that I find them lovely and that I'm very interested in getting to know them better. The messages are short but targeted towards them. No generic emails.

 

3 - My response rate was quite high probably around 50%.

 

4 - In my response to their email, I say I prefer chatting on the phone to email and would they mind if I call. I give the option to continue emailing if they prefer that. During the phone call (which most women prefer) I set up a date.

 

5 - Of the 10 or so women I got contact info from, all but one were ready for a quick phone call.

 

6 - All but two turned into dates. One claimed she met someone in the interim and the second was openly hostile on the phone 'cause she didn't get my sense of humour. So, I guess 80%.

 

7 - Yes. I got contacted a lot. Most of the women who contacted me were not people I was interested in, however, the best person I dated on OKCupid contacted me out of the blue.

 

This is direct contrast to PofF. I was on that site for 5+ months and I only had ONE date. My response rate was probably under 10% and almost no one contacted me. Weird.