Well I'm writing for the first time. I think I read everyone's postings for an hour and a half. It's hard when you think you're the only one in the situation of "loving a MM," but it's enlightening when you've realized there are others out there.
Maybe I'm supposed to write about my situation, and then I get feedback?
Ok, well I am in love with my boss at work. He is older than I, and obviously, he is married. He has children. His wife found out. Things went dead after that. Then all of a sudden little things started happening again. Kisses, etc.
I'm not sure if I'm losing my mind, but how can one man send you on the downspiral of depression, especially when you a bright student with your whole life ahead of you?
I am totally consumed by the thought of him. I am afraid that I won't ever be interested in another. This has been going on for about 6 mos.
Anyone have any comments as to being in love with your boss who is significantly older?
Hey honey, I really feel for you. My MM is not my boss, and he's younger but you're definitely not alone! No advice, just a show of support for your situation.
Hey I understand your situation. I made the mistake of falling in love with an older married man. It is defianty hard especially knowing that nothing can ever really come from it. Rarely do they leave their wives and if you do would you really want to be with someone like that. I found myself asking those questions. All I can say is I would try to end it as soon as possible just to save yourself the pain down the road and his family. I am in the process of ending my relationship with a mm.
Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...
Having experience from the other side I would caution you to continue with a married man. Let me tell you what I was told about the OTHER woman after it was over. "She made me feel good and I just wanted to see how long I could get what I wanted from her. She was willing to do anything sexually that I wanted as many times as I wanted because she thought I was falling in love with her. I said vague things to make her think we could take our relationship someplace but I knew I loved my wife and was just getting what I wanted from her. I had no respect or love for her and did not feel a bit sad when it was over." Now doesn't that make you stop and think for a minute. People can be cruel and the only thing that gets hurt is you and your values. If this is the right thing to do do you tell everybody you know what you are doing and does he tell his wife all about it?? I am guessing no. If you have to hide things and you know in your heart it is wrong then don't do it. And as somebody else posted what if it happened to you?? Don't put yourself in a selfish class of people. If this is really love and truly good thing you can tell him to come back when he is single and ready to commit to you and until then you don't feel right about seeing him and hurting somebody else in the process. You can control your feelings and control the values you live your life by. God forbid you ever get married and invest all of yourself and find out the other person has stomped all over your heart and feelings and does not have the respect for you that you deserve. Put yourself and your values first and you should know what to do.
I am sad to that I have falling in love with a married man. I have tried my best to be mean to him to get these loving feeling I have for him out my head. I work in the ER at our hospital in town. The man I have falling for is a doctor there. I have been knowing him for about a year and our connection was instant. I don'tknow what to do I love him so much to the point that I can't sleep at night. We have not have had sex, we have only kissed. I know it's wrong but the feeling I have feels so right. He knows that I love him, but what good does that make. I can't stand the thought of me loving him beciase I know that it is wrong. But when ever I'm near him I feel like the world just stop spinning. someone please tell what to do before I go crazy
0K I HAVE TO SAY that all of you woman on here trying to make it ok that you are commiting adultry and trying to seem like angels at the same time MAKE ME SICK... do you not have any morals, values, emotions?? Is there a sick thrill to know that at the very time you and this married man are having sex, his wife is at home probably waiting for him and doing his laundry or cooking him dinner. I dont even want you to say that i wouldnt know unless i have been there because u are just making excuses. Woman that pull this s*** are nothing but self consiouse, inconsiderate, GIRLS that do not have enough confidence to look for a man that isnt married.. it is just to easy for you to go for the guy that will never commit to you...ALL OF THIS IS SICKENING
clearly these women have emotions.
the fact that he goes home to his wife is clearly not thrilling.
these relationships are far from easy.
dont see anyone claiming to be an angel either.
nobody thinks its ok, nobody feels like its ok, if they did they would not be seeking advice.
what is your point? that ow make you sick?
0K I HAVE TO SAY that all of you woman on here trying to make it ok that you are commiting adultry and trying to seem like angels at the same time MAKE ME SICK... do you not have any morals, values, emotions?? Is there a sick thrill to know that at the very time you and this married man are having sex, his wife is at home probably waiting for him and doing his laundry or cooking him dinner. I dont even want you to say that i wouldnt know unless i have been there because u are just making excuses. Woman that pull this s*** are nothing but self consiouse, inconsiderate, GIRLS that do not have enough confidence to look for a man that isnt married.. it is just to easy for you to go for the guy that will never commit to you...ALL OF THIS IS SICKENING
And you're here why? I never claimed to be an angel.. just try to help some girls who're going through what I went through. I never chased a MM.. other way around. I have values, morals AND emotions. And I think most girls here too. That's why they're so torn. So who're you to sit in judgement of anybody?
I am in the same situation that you are in. I'm in love with someone else's man and I don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes I try to just block him out of my mind, but you know what it does not work. I feel like a child again whenever I am around him. He makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine. He knows that I love him, but I keep denying it over and over again because I know its no future in loving a married man. But I love him so much and I can't let him go. Its a very bad situation because he is a doctor at the hospital I work at. I know that I am wrong for loving someones husband, but you can't help who love. You can try your best to ignore it, but the feeling will continue to be there until you face it. Everybody call us kind of women homewreckers, I hate that word because I would rather me just go on with my life and leave him alone, but I can't. When I go to bed at night I cry, when I'm not next to him I cry, when he is working and I am not I cry. All I want to do is be next to him and to be in his arms. But I know that it will never happens so I need to stop living a fantasy and come back to reality. I know what you are going through and it is very hard, it is so damn hard but you can get by so way and some how.
I'm sorry to say this, but you can't be selfish. I was foolish and fell in love with a woman outside my marriage, and she too was in love with me. I finally got a divorce and just as we have the opportunity to now be together we are both realizing that we're not nearly as compatible as we hoped. Sure, we made each other feel better than anything else every has up until this point, but now that we have the chance to see each other in "real life" its not nearly as great as we'd hoped.
Please don't be selfish. Unless his marriage is already in shambles, the odds of you two working out are near nothing. The stress that will follow in his breakup with his wife will devestate him and leave him as a different person. He married his wife because they had the chance to meet as a normal couple and grow together. You don't have that opportunity and although you are compatible now, the chance you take is that it won't work out as you hope with him.
Do you really want to feel responsible for breaking up a marriage and then your relatonship not working out? Obviously neither of you are clearly thinking - he is cheating and you're still chasing him. Although you are compatible in many ways, this isn't how the foundation of a relationship should grow.
I will tell you this - being the man in your exact situation, I regret every decision I made and I resent ever meeting the OW. Its the price I pay for being stupid and I have learned a very valuable lesson. It was terrific for us both for several months and the best fun and best love I have ever seen, but I hate it all now. Don't let that be you - please.
Last edited by SpringDale; 24th November 2005 at 1:37 PM..
I can admit to the same situation. My advice to others that are in the same situation, as hard as it may be. I learned to love myself more. I would never hurt myself. I know it is very hard, because the relationship that you two share, was very beautiful. I have read other threads of other people against the other women. I don't have low -esteem at all. I can admit that I can be selfish at times, but I refuse to sell myself short, true I want my own man! I have started to view myself, inside/outside. Life is what you make of it, of course...it comes without instructions! I became overwhelmed with a mm. It was hard, and still is to learn to focus on the real picture, that even though his married sucks, he has to take a look at at his own self, and try to change unhealthy patterns in his life. We are all humans with feelings, so am not going to be judgemental by ay means, so life is full of lessons to be learned.
I cannot believe the overwhelming response to this question. I am on here today seeking some answers myself .... I just ended a three year relationship with a MM that i work with. I am also married. Though we tried on numerous counts to end the relationship it was difficult, even when i left my job for awhile we still found reasons and ways to communicate. It is so hard on me emotionally i even went for counseling and still the relationship continued. The thing i find interesting is that we only slept together 1 but had numerous other sexual encounters plus we did spend together as friends ... my outlook is this ... being in w dual relationship takes a lot of effort and can be so emotionally traumatic for everyone involved.... i am racked with guilt for his wife and children as well as my own family. We recently told eachother we loved eachother but the cost of us being together is too much.. he loves his kids and i love mine... so finally its over, for how long who knows, i will take it one step at time... i am just looking to help someone else who is even thinking about an affair.... please don't do it.. i am am so emotionally drained and think i found the love of my life but i have to let it go ... and let me tell you it is easier to walk away from them before you devote any emotional time to it... they always pick the wife .. and if they don't... its a battle that you better be ready for..... take care in whatever decsion you make
let me tell you it is easier to walk away from them before you devote any emotional time to it... they always pick the wife .. and if they don't... its a battle that you better be ready for..... take care in whatever decsion you make
Well, anyone reading online about affairs knows they don't always pick the W. And neither did you pick your H (unless you are missing something from your story).
No, they don't always pick the W, but it is always difficult, always hurtful, and (most often) ends badly.
Unless his marriage is already in shambles, the odds of you two working out are near nothing.
Sorry to hear about your experience, but I am friends with a couple who did what you did, and they are very happily married now. Each situation is different.
I'm too am fighting my feelings for this guy who is alas married.
I so don't want to be the OW, but do get these intense feelings that something could possibly happen between us.
He has become an acquanintance/casual friend of mine, though we've never purposedly met up we have talked on occassions when we have accidently bumped into each other
I never noticed him at first he came to me told me he had noticed me about. Since then he would tease me, flirt with me, started touching me (on the arm initially). At times there was intense eye contact and tes i feel for him hook line and sinker.
But then i found out (realised) he was married. too late my feelings for him were too strong.
But he continued flirting with me and the teasing continued.
He still touch me occassionally and his hands now have moved to my back stroking too.
I have tried to distance myself from him as i am frightened what could happen, on a chance encounter (well 2) on the train home from work (we live near each other) he asked if i was avoiding him.
On the other encounter he asked if i lived alone? Bearing in mind we don't really know each other though we have asked each other personal questions.
I am still trying to limit contact with him but it hurts so much not being with him as i know he can never be mine, its like i'm been torn both ways
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help maybe?
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