Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 7th June 2003 at 4:01 PM..
Reason: Removed signature and link to dating service
I will never cease to be amazed that women actually get confused about falling for a married man.
Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you would want to get all wrapped up with a man who is emotionally and somewhat physically unavailable. Why would you want to break up somebody else's family? Why would you want to live on the constant sneak? Why would you want to live a lie? Why would you ultimately want to put yourself through pain and heartbreak because in the majority of cases men do not leave their wives and families for their mistress...and why should they?
Perhaps you need to see a counsellor to see why you would go for someone with whom you have little or no chance of a future. Very often it's fear of intimacy.
In any case, getting involved with a person who is married is at best chaotic and at worst fatal. Watch Crime TV sometime.
Obviously if you're here asking whether you should move on, or end things with this married man, in your heart you know carrying on with him is W R O N G.
I don't mean to be offensive, but wouldn't it be common sense that a married man is simply not available for the taking? That he's got a W I F E at home who he stood before friends, family and God and vowed to love/honor/cherish til death do them part? Forsaking all others?
How could you respect a man who's married but wanting to have someone else (you) on the side?
Don't you think you deserve more than to be someone's occasional side-dish?
It doesn't bother you to know that when he's home at night with his wife, it's not you he's having sex with and sharing most of his life with?
Why would you settle for being someone's mistress?
What about the issue of respect for your fellow woman: his wife. Don't you think we as women should stick together and respect each other, which would include respecting each others marriages and commitments? She has done nothing to you.
And if you think that he'll one day leave her for you, think again. I can't quote the statistics but percentage of cheating husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses is very very low...and those who do, the chance of divorce is astronomically high....because if they cheated on their ex with you, they'll cheat on YOU with someone else. Afterall, we're not exactly talking about a pillar of the community who values things like honesty, commitment, fidelity, marriage, faithfulness.
While this married man may seem all joy and roses, you only get to see the good/fun side of him. You don't have to live with him. He very well portrays himself as this great catch....no doubt filling you full of BS about how his wife is terrible/crazy/unstable/will take all his money if he leaves her/can't break up his family/must stay for the kids/ bla bla bla bla.......but this is only HIS side of the story. Of course married men will paint this dismal picture of how horrible their marriage is and how hard done by they are........to make the mistress feel sorry for him and to help justify their cheating.
How would YOU feel if you were married to someone and they were cheating on YOU?
Take a hard look at your character if you're even asking this question. He's married. End of discussion. Being someone who is currently dealing with his wife's affair, let me tell you that the pain you are eventually causing is infinitely more painful than the worst pain you can imagine. I found out two weeks ago and I have days that I can't even get out of bed. The pain of betrayal and humiliation is unbearable most days.
On the other hand, maybe you are doing his wife a favor. Any two people woth so little respect for the marriage comittment probably deserve each other.
If he does not want to divorce his wife, then back off. You have no right to hurt his wife and children.
If he ever left his wife for you or his wife passed away, he will only cheat on you. And you think you can stop him cheating? Try it, it won't work. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
As glamorous as they make affairs look on television and movies, it's not like that in real life. And you need to put yourself in his wife shoes: if you were married would you want your husband to get involved with another woman?? Even if the man wants to go through with the affair, you should have enough love and respect for yourself to not even allow yourself to be taken down that road.
I can see a lot of people have an opinion on this subject without even hearing the whole story. Who said anything about children? Does he even have any? I think the factors of the relationship make a huge difference. Is this a regular occurance for either of you? Has he had mistresses before? The women who responded to this are obviously very threatened by the idea of you. Honestly I'm a wife and a mistress. Who are any of us to cast judgement. I know that recently I had to make a decision because my attention could not be in two places at once. That was my personal decision to make, noone could decide for me. I know I made the right decision but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't still ache for "the other man." The question is why?
You almost made a convincing reason to have a wife and a mistress until YOU SAID: "because my attention could not be in two places at once".
To truly LOVE someone, not infactuation or lust, but love, leaves no room for anyone else. Children can be a by-product, but even they take back seat to the relationship. They will leave one day, and only your significant other will be there. You will get old one day, and only your significant other will be there.
The heart is one unit, not separate units that can be doled out at will.
Tomcat (wow, fitting name, apparently), you wrote:
Quote:
The women who responded to this are obviously very threatened by the idea of you.
Threatened? What makes you say this? Perhaps some have responded the way they have because although they've maybe never experienced their husband having a mistress, they have been around this earth long enough to see the havoc that's wreaked by cheating husbands and their lovely mistresses. Take these forums, for instance.......and ones like it. Countless of heartbreaking accounts of women who's hurts have been broken, lives have been devastated, families broken apart....all because of a cheating husband who had himself a side-dish.
So big deal that the original poster never indicated whether the guy had kids, who cares? He obviously still has a wife; one who has a heart and feelings and who rightly believed that when her husband made his wedding vows that he was going to abide by them.
"tomcat"..what a fitting name for a mistress who would naturally respond with a sense of condoning this kind of rude and disrespectful behavior.
Let me ask you though...as a ?former mistress.......whatever happened in your life that would cause you to "settle" for being some man's "thing on the side"? If a man truly loves a woman, he'll be ONLY with her. My condolences.
I advise you to run as fast as you can and never look back. I am in the same situation and have been for 2 years. I am completely miserable and I have made up my mind to leave him. Don't let yourself get hurt. Learn from my mistakes they don't leave. Why should he leave when he can have you both. Leave him and if it was really meant to be he will get a divorce and persue what he really wants. If he doesn't at least you'll save yourself alot of wasted time. I wish I did.
I've been dealing with my married man (who happens to be my boss) for almost a year now.
It is so hard to leave him, I know I should, but I can't. I don't expect him to leave his wife. I know he loves me, but I don't see us ever being together. The expectation is that I will end up getting tired of the relationship and leave him. This is true, but right now I'm just not ready to do it, and its even more difficult because I have to work with him and deal with him every day.
I know this affair is morally wrong, but the truth is this relationship has been better than a lot of my single ex's. He treats me good and he loves me. I know I will never have him but he's good for me (for now). I will never turn away another date if I wanted to date someone...when I meet someone else, I will break it off with him.
I thought I was the only one but I see that I'm not. I know how you feel right now I'm in a similar situation with this guy. I liked him before he got married then a year and a half later he got married. He knew that I liked him and he liked me also but we couldn't be together cause he loved his fiance and didn't want to hurt her. To this day I see him around, think about him all the time and want to be with him but of course I can't since he's married. My situation isn't exactly the same but I know how you feel right now. My advice is leave him if he doesn't want to divorce his wife and be with you.
Hate to admit - I'm one of those who fell in love with a married man.
I believe many of us who are in this position never have the intent of being involved with somebody else's husband. We've never wanted to start it, never wanted to be home-wreckers, hubby-stealer. In fact, before this happened to us, we used to throw judgements to those 'third-partiers'.
Sometimes, love just happened when it is most unexpected. I'm talking about reciprocal feelings. We are only human. Come desire, magical fleeting moments in love, who could resist this natural connection between two beings? Perhaps the forbidden love added allure to this complex relationship.
Deep inside, I know it's WRONG! To his wife, children and even to myself. But I'm not strong enough to walk away. The memories shared are just like magnets pulling me back each time I want to walk away. Could somebody advise how I could break the spell?
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
In a similar situation
Linear Mode
