I'm new but have been reading for a while to help me cope with a not-so-recent breakup.
I was in a very long distance (US to EU) relationship for almost 2 years. We saw each other every five months or so for 3 to 4 weeks at a time.
I moved further away to NZ and shortly after he ended the relationship. At first I felt relief. No more LD! WooHoo! But after 3 months of strict NC I finally hit the sad wall.
I then broke NC and sent a short email. He responded back with much excitement and said he was "very, very, very happy" that I had gotten back in touch and had been thinking of me every day. He asked if maybe I'd be ready to Skype with him soon.
I was stoked, of course, thinking that maybe we both made some changes and could open the door again. So I replied, but cautiously and only asked him about a recent trip he took.
No reply for a few weeks and my birthday passes. I get pretty torn up. I send another email telling him breaking NC was my mistake and I couldn't cope with feeling miserable over his delayed response, so I was cutting off ties again for my own sake. He replies with remorse and an excuse for missing my bday, but respects my decision.
I stay strong and a month later he sends me a short email asking how I am, and wanting my address so he can send me something for Thanksgiving. I reply again with, "thanks for your concern, but I can't be friends. Please refrain from contacting me as it slows down my progress towards moving on."
Since then he has left me be. I have struggled quite a bit, especially since he claimed to be missing me, and it clearly wasn't a case of me over analyzing his response. His birthday is coming soon, and I have written many letters that have been left unsent or thrown into the garbage. I am tempted to write an email because I know he'll respond...
I think it's also important to remember our exes will be weak at moments too. They will miss us or something will remind them of us and they may try to re initiate contact. It doesn't mean they have changed their minds or ways.
My ex thought he was being nice (I wish I could say he's an evil jerk, but that would be a lie), but just needed a firm reminder that he was no longer welcome. The only way he can come back into my life is to show up on my doorstep (which would even entail sleuthing to find my address). Now, if he did that, then I know he'd be serious.
I've broken hearts before and have tried the "friends" route. Trust me, my emails and texts that said, "Hi, how have you been? Missed you," meant nothing more than friendship.
NC is my new boyfriend for now. Stick with him. He's trustworthy and dependable.
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