[V.Vixen]

So, I moved to a new town about 5 months ago. My backstory is that I came from a very small town where a lot of people never leave about 40 minutes away from my current town. my friends all claimed that nothing would change and they would make sure to come and see me and still spend plenty of time with me. That hasn't happened, besides my one friend.

No one really calls to ask me how I am doing anymore. I miss the camaraderie and small talk I used to have with my girlfriends. I know I need to make new friends in my new town, and I know that the truth of the matter is that really I have just grown apart from many of my friends, and they were around for convenience sake.

I am really starting to feel like there is something wrong with ME because I have plenty of people I go visit and hang out with, but I don't have strong bonds with anyone, and I don't really talk to a lot of my family. I am getting really lonely with my lack of connections. I am not sure if it is a problem that is caused by me or circumstantial. Any input?

[crosswordfiend]

Hmm, it's amazing how quickly the out of sight out of mind rule can apply. I suspect that these people were never really your friends in the sense that they would go out of their way to meet up with you. In fact, I'd be willing to wager that these people aren't even friends with each other, but rather are friends with the group. Do you think that if you threw a party at your new place that all of these people would show up? If so, would they be showing up to see you specifically, or because it's an opportunity to see the group and kill multiple birds with one stone...

Rest assured that there is nothing wrong with you.

[V.Vixen]

Well, I am a bridesamid in one of their weddings, so I know she must think of me as a good friend. We have a great time together when we do get together, but she hasn't come to visit me in the 5months I have been living int he new town. I visit her all the time. I get so tired of one sided friendships and contacting everyone and being ifnored. I know my friends all have serious relationships and children and stuff, but I am kind of left in the cold and no one really cares.

[alphamale]

friends and lovers come and go but you're stuck with family...

[Ronni_W]

Originally Posted by V.Vixen

I am really starting to feel like there is something wrong with ME

Not to worry -- there is nothing "wrong" with you...or with them. It just happens that priorities change and life brings new-different experiences. Not all childhood/adolescent friendships can withstand those inevitable life changes.

It does suck when one is kind of "left behind" due to not following exactly the same path as 'the gang'. But, as you say, they do have spouses and children (and jobs and bills) that are making demands on their time and pulling them in all sorts of other directions. I would suspect that they barely have time to connect with and nurture themselves, these days.

If you're all still enjoying each other's company if, when and however you-they can do get together, that is your sign that those "strong bonds" are very much alive where it counts the most...in their hearts. [so] It will only become a one-sided friendship if/when you withdraw your understanding and empathy.

At the same time, yes, when you develop relationships with other single people who have far fewer responsibilities and obligations to their own families, that will help you feel more supported.

Hugs, and best of luck in your new town.