[Sittingaround4813]

Ok now I am really confused.........


This was my oriinal posta few weeks ago:

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and our relationship is great. He is a bit older than I am by 16 years to be exact but that has never bothered us or anyone in our family. He has two beautiful kids that I adore and love being around.

He has been married twice before. Once to the mother of his children who ended up cheating on him and leaving him after 8 years and his second marriage ended after only 6 months, they were together for 2 years but when she realized she had an instant family and didnt want it, she left him and the kids.

From the very begining he has been very wishy washy about the idea of marriage again, I on the other hand wanted kids and to get married.....as time went on I realized that being with him ment that I was never going to have kids of my own, unfortunatly I can not get past the never getting married thing. for the past 6 months or so my boyfriend would always talk about our wedding and what it would be like, the flowers the cake the dress he even asked me what kind of rings I liked. I got excited thinking that maybe he was changing his mind. One day out of nowhere we got into a huge argument about marriage because he now is saying absolutly no way is he getting married again and I am just going to have to deal with it. I asked him why he was talking about it and his responce was it all sounds so nice he wants it to happen he just doesn't see himself getting married again. He tells me it doesn't change anything that he will be with me forever and he cant live without me, but Im torn. I dont think I can get past never getting married

The way I see it is I didn't do anything wrong and I have been nothing but a good girlfriend to him and a good role model to his kids. I want to be a family....correction we are a family but I think I am always going to feel like something is missing.....

I dont want to leave.....but I dont want to resent him if I stay.....

What do I do????



soooooooooooooooo

2 weeks ago we were both in a mutual friends wedding together, half way thru the night he brings me out in the hall way to sign the guest book, I had to pee bad so I told him to write in my name too...... I come out and he wrote:
"From the future Mr. and Mrs. (his last name) we love you both"

am I missing something here?

I told him that I didn't want him writing things like that and giving people the wrong impression because he always tells me and everyone that he will never get married again, and he got mad at me......

The bride and Groom came to me after their honeymoon and asked about it, wondering if he had changed his mind and when we were going to get married...... Im a little imbarrassed, I don't know how to respond.....

But it drives me CRAZY!!!! don't say what you don't mean, he always said he didn't want to get married and that he wanted to be up front and honest so I didn't get my hopes up...... well what is this????

[Boundary Problem]

Originally Posted by Sittingaround4813

I on the other hand wanted kids and to get married.....as time went on I realized that being with him ment that I was never going to have kids of my own

Isn't him not wanting more children a HUGE problem?

[Sittingaround4813]

having more kids is not a issue anymore..... problems have come up that would make it impossible anyways.....

[Boundary Problem]

I'm sorry to hear about the fertility problems. Truly sorry. Very difficult.

well.

Fast forward 2 years. Imagine you are sitting there at the computer and you have a wedding ring on your finger and you've been married a year.

How would your life be different? What is the life plan for you two? Has he told you, or is it more day to day let's have lunch and go for a walk and help me look after my kids?

I have to confess when I read your post - I thought you were in love with the wedding/party day and I saw little in your post about how he was the perfect man to meet all of your needs.


Getting married obviously means a great deal to you. I query whether it means as much to him.

[Devil Inside]

So has he changed his mind, or was he just writing that to be funny?

If he is firm on not getting married then you need to really figure out if you can live with that. One thing I would not do is stay with this man, hoping he will change his mind. Going into a relationship and spending many years of your life awaiting a change will lead to resentment.

[Sittingaround4813]

yes it is probably true that I am a little "in love" with the idea of getting married..... what girl isn't? You have to admit that normally thats what people do when they fall in love and want to spend the rest of their lives with someone.....

He does talk about our future, always saying that we are going to be together forever and all of that.....

Please don't get me wrong I love him very deeply. If I didn't I think I would have left by now because our views on marriage and the fact that his ex wife the mother of his children continues 2 years later to make my life hell.....

And I am not staying with him hoping that he will change his mind. I just think it is unfair that he say such things if he doesn't mean it. He goes back and forth saying one day he doesn't want to ever get married then the night of that wedding saying that he saw us one day getting married.

believe me I love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him, regardless if we get married or not. My only thing, and maybe you are missing my point is that all of his problems with marriage are not my fault, I believe that I shouldn't have to pay for something that other have done. I have done my best to pick up the pieces and I don't think I deserve to be led on, if that is what he is doing..... I don't know if he truly meant it that night or if he was just in the lovey mood because we were at a wedding. Whatever it was I am confused and hurt....