[euroxx]

Alright, I'm writing this because I'm sure I'm not the only one in a position like this. Hopefully reading through this will help someone who is having similar problems with thier girlfriend and maybe some females who don't understand the reasonings behind some of the things they do.

Brief Explaination of My Relationship:
Alright, I met this girl who by all accounts is amazing. We have fun, pretty much always, enjoy each other, etc. She's the type of girl that when headed home, we just miss the turn, keep driving and neither one of us says a word just because we enjoy spending time together. Now, every time we get close, she "shuts off" or exhibits behavior destructive to our relationship, mostly escalating to "I just don't want to show you affection, or I don't want sex." Mind you, when we get back together things are amazing, all the problems appear after a few months. When we break up, she turns to these peice of **** guys for sex and shows them the affection that she could never show me. Which leads into the explaination that I was given.

Psycologists Opinions:
She has never had a good relationship with her father. He abandoned her at a very early age and to this day talks to her brothers FAR more than he does her. She feels like he promised the world and never came through... once. She recently made attempts to tell him how she felt and froze up on the phone while tears steadily streamed down her face.

Q: Why does she have so many problems showing me affection and can so easily show it to these peices of ****?
A: She turns to men that withold the same things from her that her father did. In her mind, if she can get one of them to break open, she has resolved her childhood issues and therefore has found her self-worth again. Showing you affection, a man who genuinely cares for her out of the box is almost against most everything she has learned about love with men.

Q: Am I crazy for thinking that she loves me in some way?
A: No, not at all. Chances are, it's her love for you that sparks this behavior. When she gets close to you and things are going well, it invokes an "Oh ****" response from her insecurities. With her problems there is a fear of commitment stemming from her unresolved childhood issues so she runs to clean them up before continuing things with you. But in that it usually leads to behavior destructive to the relationship she is attempting to save.

Q: Can this change? Or should I just walk away from it?
A: It can change, not easily, but it can change. I suggest talking to her honestly about this problem. If she is ready to change, she will listen. She needs to realize that her problems are with her Father and they need to be settled there. Engaging in these damaging relationships will never help her and that the relationship she has with you is probably the first healthy relationship she's ever had. She HAS to start settling things with her father (helping her inner child.) and in the same token she will have to convince herself that she is good enough for a relationship with you. The part that makes it hard is that your relationship will feel awkward and forced for her for a few months while she gives you all the things that she witheld before, this is usually confused for a "not loving the person type of feeling". However in reality it's more that true love goes against everything she has taught herself, so it's something she's never felt before and doesn't know how to deal with.

The key is, when you talk to her, do not mention getting back together, just lead her in the direction of realizing that she has actual love for you. Leave her with what you've said and if she comes to you, she is ready to change. If she does not, evoke NC until she does, but don't wait for her because some people never become ready unfortunately.

One thing I will stress is that this won't be easy for you either and it will probably be awhile before you get true comfort and happiness out of your relationship so it's up to you if she and this relationship are really worth it to you.

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If you have any questions, feel free to post them and I'll answer the best I can. We spoke for just under 4 hours so there was more, this is just the talking points.