I'm back and if your thinking I broke NC I have not. For those who are not familiar with my situation, I got my heart broken 6 monthsago after 2.5 years and it came out of left field. I have been bulking up , keeping my self busy heck I'm moving away from home to chase my dream. My question is the last week I've been miserable I can't seem to shake her from my head, I have no interest in woman except her. I'm guilty of looking her profile name on FB to see that little pic. Is this normal after 6 months of NC ? Help ........
It's perfectly normal since you were with her for such a long time. Although you are doing all the correct NC activities, the grieving process is always long. There will be days where you feel completely horrible, but if you stay NC it will get better. But remember, stay away from Facebook. Look at her profile picture is like breaking NC.
I suppose it is fair to say that if it concerns you enough to post about it then you might need to take a closer look and ask yourself why she is so important at this point.
Did all of this just start during this recent "miserable" week or has this been on going?
I've been missing ever since we last spoke (6 months ago) but instead of doing nothing. I went back to the gym, moved forward in my career. Basically I feel as though I'm the person she fell for, she loved my drive and determination. However as we dated I became lazy, that I bet you that is one of the reasons she left me. I know she'd be so pround of what I've accomplished. She's the one that got away. There were signs she gave me while we dated I justed ignored them and look where I'm at.
Last edited by bluesky123; 6th November 2009 at 11:10 PM..
I just wanted you to know that when I saw your thread this evening I decided to go back and read every one of your threads since this break up occured for you last June.
Now if you will indulge me, I'll give you the brief rundown of your breakup.
You were together for two and a half years. She spent times away from you during the summers but you would see each other during that time every 2 weeks or so.
The night before you were to see her she was telling you she loved you and could not wait to see you. The next morning she tells you it's over out of the blue. You instill no contact, save 1 email where her response was that she didn't know what direction she wanted to take in her future, career, romance, etc. Since then, Nothing.
You find out she is coming back to school in your town, and has been back, possibly with a new guy in her life. You go to the gym,. Try to move on, but have so many unanswered questions that you just hope beyond hope she would give yo a sign so you could ask her specific questions and let her know that she is THE ONE? You Peep her Facebook and see her having a great time with her friends through her photos and posts...it sends you into a spiral of depression and longing. In effect you have been torturing yourself by doing this. wondering....wondering...wondering
You post every month or so because just when you think its getting better it doesn't and something floods back to you and you are at square one and feeling like crap.
Does that about sum it up?
What you are going through and have been for the last 5+ months is living your life on the assumption that at some point in time she will by osmosis see the error of her ways and fly through that door and tell you this has been a huge mistake. and that she was wrong but has seen the light and after 2.5 years of being together the last 6 months have proven to her that even though she has been having a great time enjoying the physical company of your replacement, that it's so so wrong and its time for you two to dance in the moonlight.....
The reason I bring up that scenario is because in reading your threads you always returned to the basic same question. regardless of the tons of great advice that has been accorded you. Believe me I know exactly how you feel. I truly do.
What I am trying to tell you is that you have reached a point here that you have allowed this breakup to emotionally paralyze you. You have done all the right things, but you have done them for all the wrong reasons. Hence why you have not gone anywhere but back to square one.
I wish if you get some time this weekend top reread every single one of your posts in the threads about this you have added. Especially the ones where you talk about going to the Gym. You seem to add after them something to the effect of how proud your ex would be to see you in such good physical shape.
An even larger component of this in your coping is the closure aspect. I know you have SO many unanswered questions, especially about her 180 on you over the course of a few hours. Its perfectly understandable to want answers, but believe me, closure is very overrated.
Lets say for instance you were to speak to her and you were to get even a few answers, do you think at this point she would tell you the truth? I mean 5 months down the road is a relatively solid amount of time by her actions of deafening silence for that to be closure enough.
I had the same problem as you at one time, but I had the added component of being cheated on and leaving the relationship at the very moment of discovery and walking out of her life. I thought she was the one but she didn't live up to her part of the bargain, thus she was ejected.
I wanted closure too. I craved it to ask her why she did what she did to me. I had no contact with her for over a year (14 months to be exact) until I got a text message from my ex in the middle of the night. The text message read "I'm sorry I hurt you. He just got to me".
That was the only closure I got out of it. And I wished I had never even gotten that in retrospect, because I had moved on to being single and loving it. All it did was mess me up for a couple of months and made me into a blubbering mass of idiocy.
So my suggestion to you is that I do not see you getting any closure to this or any of your questions answered. The NC you have been having was for her to magically come to her senses, and not for your own healing. You haven't healed one damn bit, sorry to say. Maybe at this time you should get some type of counseling if you haven't.
My friend, you are fighting a losing battle with your conscience and have been sleepwalking for 6 months. Time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go forth with the knowledge that this woman WAS a part of your life....WAS.
She isn't coming back and you need to get to a point of acceptance about it. But you will not get there if you are taking baby steps for the wrong reasons.
Your post sums up my relationship, however I'm not in a spirling depression. I know by creeping her FB is torturing myself, yet as you said it's the closure that bothers me. I would of never thought she was capable of this. As for the gym I use that as an example, when we first met I was involved in many sports, extra curricular activities etc, these activties along with my motivation slowly faded over the years. But that is all water under the bridge. As for now it would not work and I know that, see the cracks in our relationship, I know she's not COMING BACK. I'm a thinker and sometimes I think did I handle the breakup properly. I see many people trying to convince the ex to come back etc, I simple respected her wish and set her free. My answer is in her actions. I just got to stop wondering !
I think closure can come with time, and space, and keeping busy. That's what you're doing, but Space Ritual is 1000% on when it comes to abandoning the fantasy.
It's over. It has been over for some time now. We torture ourselves fantasizing about what could have/would have - when the future is out that door. Getting into the gym is part of it. The other part is actively participating in your future. Set new goals, achieve them - self esteem soars. Sing your songs, dance your dances. Confidence is sexy! We meet new people and the cycle continues.
Try to focus on what you had, versus what you lost. And hang in there. You'll have your closure soon enough. A soft, warm, well-deserved closure. Someone great!
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluesky123
Space Ritual,
Your post sums up my relationship, however I'm not in a spirling depression. I know by creeping her FB is torturing myself, yet as you said it's the closure that bothers me. I would of never thought she was capable of this. As for the gym I use that as an example, when we first met I was involved in many sports, extra curricular activities etc, these activties along with my motivation slowly faded over the years. But that is all water under the bridge. As for now it would not work and I know that, see the cracks in our relationship, I know she's not COMING BACK. I'm a thinker and sometimes I think did I handle the breakup properly. I see many people trying to convince the ex to come back etc, I simple respected her wish and set her free. My answer is in her actions. I just got to stop wondering !
Your post sums up my relationship, however I'm not in a spirling depression. I know by creeping her FB is torturing myself, yet as you said it's the closure that bothers me. I would of never thought she was capable of this. As for the gym I use that as an example, when we first met I was involved in many sports, extra curricular activities etc, these activties along with my motivation slowly faded over the years. But that is all water under the bridge. As for now it would not work and I know that, see the cracks in our relationship, I know she's not COMING BACK. I'm a thinker and sometimes I think did I handle the breakup properly. I see many people trying to convince the ex to come back etc, I simple respected her wish and set her free. My answer is in her actions. I just got to stop wondering !
What do you mean by the sentence that you "see many people trying to convince the ex to come back"? Could you explain that please?
The silence on her part IS the closure, whether you like it or not.
My ex isn't silent, he still wants to see me (as friends), but I guess him leaving me was the closure!
No-one can say if someone's ex will ever want to come back to them, who knows for sure, maybe in some relationships it is obvious, but who can foretell the future?
My Relate therapist says it's ok to have hope (in my case anyway) as he may or may not come back (he has come back before), but the thing is to not wait around or cling to that hope.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Ritual
What do you mean by the sentence that you "see many people trying to convince the ex to come back"? Could you explain that please?
The silence on her part IS the closure, whether you like it or not.
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