[pohlcat]

My wife told me she no longer loves me after 22 years of marrage. I really love her, never cheeted or abused her. We have two beautiful children, growing up quick. We became very stale in our relationship about 2 years ago and has been heading south. We just started councling by my request, but she really does not want to go. but she is, she swears there is no one else,I think I belive her. Can someone fall back in love with you again, after telling you she has no feelings for you. I am not hard on the eyes and am in great shape. I make a good living and great provider. I dont want to lose my family

[Lizzie60]

Hum... btdt... I was exactly where your W is.. with my first ex.. after 18 years together.. I just didn't love him anymore.. I never cheated..but I didn't want sex with him anymore... I fantasized a lot about other men..

He was good looking, good shape, we had everything.. but I just didn't love him anymore.. to be honest.. just to hear him breathe would get on my nerves... it was that bad..

Will it come back.. sorry... but I don't think so... counselling will not help.. you're wasting your money IMO... the 'love' is gone.. it's been replaced by 'friendship"...

My advice: you either 'accept' that she doesn't love you anymore and live together like 'roomates' for the sake of the children (not sure if you have any) or to keep your lifestyle.. family and friends.... it's up to you...

My ex has now been with a much younger woman for about 8-9 years now.. she's about 20-something younger.. and they're happy... from what I know. We've always kept in touch.. we had a son together..

I know it's not easy for you.. but think hard before you make any decisions.. she might be 'happy' just the way it is between you... she might NOT want to cheat.. it,s up to you.. seriously to have a good talk with her.. and decide from there..

[The Midnight Rider]

Questions for you (Sorry bud, you want answers? They'll have to be questions.)...

Did she communicate this to you during a fight or just out of the blue?
Does she seem despondent or depressed?
Is she spending more time alone or without you?
Does she work outside of the home?
Do you have any young children?
Do you have any children living at home?
How old and how many?
Were you high school sweethearts?
Has she started menopause?
Is your job a high pressure job or does it require long hours?
Are you two affectionate? Do you make love? How often?
When you do, does she initiate?
Have you turned her down for sex or turned away when she tries to kiss you/hold you?
Does she orgasm?
Are you a strong, quiet type or more of an extrovert?

[The Midnight Rider]

BTW Lizzie, I love your picture.

[mem11363]

If you answer some of the questions below - we might be able to help you. We never got quite to where you are - but we did have a rough spot for about 2 years where my lovely wife was not physically into me. It was a weight problem partially - and an edginess problem - not enough edge - too passive. Too thin and too passive - killed her desire for me. I fixed both problems and like magic - she warmed back up.

Background on you would help though. Not enough info to comment yet.

Originally Posted by pohlcat

My wife told me she no longer loves me after 22 years of marrage. I really love her, never cheeted or abused her. We have two beautiful children, growing up quick. We became very stale in our relationship about 2 years ago and has been heading south. We just started councling by my request, but she really does not want to go. but she is, she swears there is no one else,I think I belive her. Can someone fall back in love with you again, after telling you she has no feelings for you. I am not hard on the eyes and am in great shape. I make a good living and great provider. I dont want to lose my family

[pohlcat]

We have 2 children 11 and 16 girls, We met at 22 years old we are 3 months apart. We used to have good sex about once a week last 6 months every other week, now 0. I thought it was good but i am a man, sometimes she would takeover the wheel and go for it so i think she enjoyed it too She did have an emergency historectomy about two years back, after that she did have some weight issues, she wouldnt were anything sexy like she used to to get the blood flowing, she has lost alot of the weight not all, she looks beautiful as she ever has, She has been struggling with employment, hit and miss jobs. she has been on unemployment the past 6 months, she found a new job but it seems to consume her, she loves it but i feel ignored, morgage lending so she picks her own hours. I totally support her in her work. I am a very outgoing person, not quiet and not loud. My wife gives me smiles and laughs with me from time to time i guess on her good days, they are genuine smiles and laughs, I just cant get it to continue. I believe their may be hope, but dont know how to win her back

[mem11363]

Step 1: Totally eliminate the possibility of an EA/PA. Until you do that, you are wasting your time. If she is having an EA or PA this might or might not be salvageable.

Are you willing to do that?

That is the most common trigger of the - not in love with you line.

What is your job and how much do you contribute to the household income? Are you the primary breadwinner or is she?

Originally Posted by pohlcat

We have 2 children 11 and 16 girls, We met at 22 years old we are 3 months apart. We used to have good sex about once a week last 6 months every other week, now 0. I thought it was good but i am a man, sometimes she would takeover the wheel and go for it so i think she enjoyed it too She did have an emergency historectomy about two years back, after that she did have some weight issues, she wouldnt were anything sexy like she used to to get the blood flowing, she has lost alot of the weight not all, she looks beautiful as she ever has, She has been struggling with employment, hit and miss jobs. she has been on unemployment the past 6 months, she found a new job but it seems to consume her, she loves it but i feel ignored, morgage lending so she picks her own hours. I totally support her in her work. I am a very outgoing person, not quiet and not loud. My wife gives me smiles and laughs with me from time to time i guess on her good days, they are genuine smiles and laughs, I just cant get it to continue. I believe their may be hope, but dont know how to win her back

[2sunny]

start paying more attention to what she's doing... i believe she's interested in someone else. all the signs are there. most likely someone at her new job.

i'd bet money on it - so start digging. let us know what you find... how we can help once you know the truth.

[pohlcat]

I do earn most of the money. She also contributes

[lkjh]

New job, losing weight, and no longer in love all spells out EA/PA

EA= emotional affair
PA= physical affair

[Toodamnpragmatic]

second why is it always the women who "fall out of love"??? This is getting really old to read...

Thirdly ignore Lizzie.... She has a one tack mind and mantra that it there to scare every married man.....

[TimH]

Originally Posted by Toodamnpragmatic

second why is it always the women who "fall out of love"??? This is getting really old to read...

Thirdly ignore Lizzie.... She has a one tack mind and mantra that it there to scare every married man.....

Not sure why its the women more often.Just read today somewhere online where 59% of woman said they would leave their man if they were financially secured.What the He** is happening out there??

[mem11363]

The signs are that she is.

You need to check her cell phone - and you need to try and find if she has a second phone you don't even know about.

And you need to put a keylogger on the computers she uses.

A voice activated tape recorder in the right part of the house might do it as well.

I only tell you this because until you know for certain if she is having an affair you have NO IDEA what you are dealing with.

Originally Posted by pohlcat

I do earn most of the money. She also contributes

[asireen]

Originally Posted by Lizzie60

My ex has now been with a much younger woman for about 8-9 years now.. she's about 20-something younger.. and they're happy... from what I know.

Nice implied suggestion. It is very easy to get younger girls, and I don't mean becoming a sugar daddy. This is the internet age, very easy.
You love her, she does not, what's the point being on a one-way street?
Go out and have an affair, don't rub it in, and when the kids are grown, either call it quits or remain in a 'marriage of convenience'

[Lizzie60]

Originally Posted by Toodamnpragmatic

second why is it always the women who "fall out of love"??? This is getting really old to read...

Thirdly ignore Lizzie.... She has a one tack mind and mantra that it there to scare every married man.....

Ha.. stroke a nerve.. I am just posting from my personal experience.. and it's very similar to her and many.. many.. many other women... I don't know if she is having an affair.. I wasn't... but I was fantasizing about other men.. I also know lots of married women who have fell out of love with their H.. they just stay because they are married (how stupid) and because it's convenient (financially, for family's sake)... but they absolutely DO NOT feel anything for their H...

I am NOT here to scare every married man.. but if they get scared..it's because they know I'm right.. and it could be scary..

Oh.. got to think of it.. maybe his W is alcoholic... therefore the loss of libido.. oh.. and I don't know who's one track mind..