I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 5 months. A week before our 2 years anniversary, he was stationed to Hawaii which he will be staying in for 3-4 years (we're originally from SD, CA). In all those times that we were together, we had plenty fights and arguments and a couple of times when we almost broke up. Then when he left, i had prom that next weekend in which I went without a date and ended up dancing with other guys. For some reason I did not even think about how wrong it was to be dancing with other guys when I still have a boyfriend. And stupid me, I also didn't realize that he knows people from my class and found out about what happened. But that's the least of my problems because...for a couple of weeks after he left, we barely had any contact. I was having doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend because I felt neglected during the time we were together and after he left for Hawaii. And then my old friend from middle school texted me out of the blue after our encounter at a store. Then we started talking through text. And then we decided to hang out and talk. I told him about my problems with my boyfriend and stupid me again, I didn't realize I was sending signals that may seem as if I want him. But that was not why I went to hang out with him. I went because I thought we could just talk and hang out. Then STUPID ME, I let him kiss me. I know what you're thinking...I'm such a whore for not stopping him. It was because I really thought that I can break up with my boyfriend. But then, it would have been smarter if I did break up with him before I let anything happen between me and some other guy. But wait...that is not the worst part..I ended up doing it with that guy..TWICE! I know I'm such a slut. But I wasn't trying to be. My boyfriend left me hanging after we were doing it almost all the time before he left. And I guess I was still horny from all those times we did it and I just couldn't resist the fact that somebody else would wanna do me. I know..that just makes me a whore and a slut. After that, I felt like trash. I just realized what a big mistake it was after I let it happened. I ended up telling my boyfriend about it but I lied about what really happened. Then a few weeks after that...I finally told him the truth..kind of. I told him that when I met up with the guy, I originally went to a bonfire with friends and he was there too. Then, our friends left us all alone. I hope he knows that wasn't true but I just couldn't bear tell him anymore that will cause him more pain and make him hate me even more. He told me he was gon get me back by also cheating at me too. On halloween, he went to a club with his friends, ended up drinking and having a one night stand with some local. He told me the next day. My heart ripped into two pieces when he told me. Now I know how he felt after I told him. But is it right for him to cheat on me too just because I cheated on him first? Coz when I did cheat on him, it wasn't intentional but his was. But I guess cheating is cheating no matter how you put it. Also, will me and my boyfriend ever get over the fact that we were both with some other person besides each other? Because I don't know if I can. Everytime we webcam each other and he messes around such as humping the bed implying that he misses doing me...I think about the other girl under him and them doing it. Is that normal? Do I even have the right to get jealous? Please tell me we both can get past through this and forget about what happened and start over. Is it possible?
First of all you have to be tough and act mature. Reading your post I feel like neither of you two does. OK you have messed things up, and you hurt your boyfriend, and betrayed his trust in you and your relationship. You don't make it better by calling yourself a slut and worse. You are not. You were weak and acting childish by putting your relationship at a high risk, not considering the fact that this would change everything between you and your boyfriend forever. You've made a mistake, but you were also able to tell your boyfriend the truth. Everybody makes mistakes, but you can at least try to fix the consequences.
Your boyfriend probably felt extremely disrespected, and as a consequence of that, he disrespects you. I would not justify his behaviour by what you did in the first place. If you want to deal with cheating, you two must learn to truly forgive each other. Then you must try to build up your trust in each other again. Both things are VERY tough to do. If you two are commited to your relationship, you can do it. But you have to be VERY commited to be successful. It will be a long and painful process, so you should ask yourself if you are able to fight for your relationship so much. And you also have to ask yourself if you can really deal with the distance, if you couldn't help acting the way you did.
Ur advice is very helpful. Thank you. Right now we are trying to start over and forget about what happened in the past. We plan to just think about what is happening now and what will be in the future. We also try not to talk about it too. But there is still that constant reminder of what happened whenever he tells me to behave all the time. This is because I'm in college and I live in the dorms. It's a co-ed hall so there are guys where I live and guys everywhere since it is college. I know he is just reminding me to not mess around but it gets annoying sometimes and offensive. Coz I feel like when he tells me to behave, I feel like I am a type of person who can't keep their hands off another. But I'm not like that...what happened before was not a constant thing that I did...it was once...not meant to happen again. But he's still kind of reminding me of what happened. Is it okay for him to keep telling me to behave and not to mess around?
For some reason I did not even think about how wrong it was to be dancing with other guys when I still have a boyfriend.
Why is it wrong to be in high school and dance with your friends at Prom? I dance with all sorts of people, because I like to dance. My BF certainly doesn't get upset, as long as I am not grinding all over some guy or slow dancing and making out on the dance floor. You were at Prom - what else are you supposed to do there?
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Originally Posted by imFULLofREGRETS
My boyfriend left me hanging after we were doing it almost all the time before he left. And I guess I was still horny from all those times we did it and I just couldn't resist the fact that somebody else would wanna do me.
Being horny isn't an excuse for cheating. If you think that having a guy want to screw you makes you sexy or interesting, then you don't know men very well. Most guys will screw any woman who is giving up the pudding - it has nothing to do with her appeal, her personality, her sex appeal. If you cant' (to be blunt) keep your legs shut because you are horny, then you don't need to be in a LDR. LDRs are hard and need tons of trust; there are many many long lonely nights, and going out to get some strange because you are used to having sex is unfair to your BF and is a disservice to your own self-esteem.
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Originally Posted by imFULLofREGRETS
I ended up telling my boyfriend about it but I lied about what really happened. Then a few weeks after that...I finally told him the truth..kind of....I hope he knows that wasn't true but I just couldn't bear tell him anymore that will cause him more pain and make him hate me even more.
I can't give you any kudos for being honest with your BF, when you are still lying to him.
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Originally Posted by imFULLofREGRETS
He told me he was gon get me back by also cheating at me too. On halloween, he went to a club with his friends, ended up drinking and having a one night stand with some local.
He's childish. But you both sound amazingly young, and you both have legit reasons for being childish - you don't know any better. Hopefully you will have learned a lot about yourself from this whole painful episode.
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Originally Posted by imFULLofREGRETS
Coz when I did cheat on him, it wasn't intentional but his was. But I guess cheating is cheating no matter how you put it.
Yep - cheating is cheating. I don't see how yours was not intentional, as you were not drugged or tied up.
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Originally Posted by imFULLofREGRETS
Also, will me and my boyfriend ever get over the fact that we were both with some other person besides each other? Because I don't know if I can. Everytime we webcam each other and he messes around such as humping the bed implying that he misses doing me...I think about the other girl under him and them doing it. Is that normal? Do I even have the right to get jealous? Please tell me we both can get past through this and forget about what happened and start over. Is it possible?
I doubt you will get over this, honestly. Being unfaithful in a LDR has a huge burden of not being able to be together to work on trust issues and showing each other that you only want to be with each other. With your ages and your social lives, the temptation of other people (along with your desire to be thought of as sexy) is going to be a horrible killer. Honestly, being in a LDR many times means not going to clubs or parties, so that you can put your partner's mind at ease; it can mean changing your circle of friends and your activities. Are those things you are willing to do for your BF?
OP You should feel bad, because what you did was a terrible thing, and is even more terrible because you still haven't told him everything. You should breakup because he deserves an honest GF.
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