What i'm about to ask, is not to be taken as an attack what-so-ever.
I'm curious to know, have you always lacked self-discipline? Or did this just start happening because of this situation?
It's been 2 months since me and my ex broke up also. I have my bad days, but I don't contact him. It's the other way around actually, and the strength needed to ignore him is enormous. But I do it. Because, realistically, nothing is going to come of any of it.
What do you expect her to say when you contact her? "I've had enough time! I want to be with you again!" ??
What you are doing now is not only pushing her further away, but showing her that you don't have much respect for yourself.
I understand that you loved her. The majority of us here on LS loved our ex's, and that's why we are here... trying to get over the pain of losing them. But it sounds to me like you not only aren't allowing yourself to get over her, you actually enjoy, on some level, the pain caused from doing this to yourself.
When a person puts their hand in a fire, they pull their hand away quickly. Why? Because it hurts!! Sometimes, we will forget how bad it hurts and occasionally stick our hands back in it, realizing it was a dumb thing to do the first time and it was most certainly even more rediculous to do it the second time.
But what you are doing, is consistantly putting your hand in that fire. Why??
i honestly think some part of me likes it. the wallowing the self pity, the contact. i dont know what to do. im seeing a pychologist this weekend.
i need it man. and to let go.
I am so glad that you are putting in the effort to see a therapist! That's fantastic! Maybe there you can sort out all of the things that are going through your mind.
I'm proud of you for trying to do something about this! I'm rooting for you! Please keep us updated!
McGrupp, you are addicted to her. Until you have a victory over this addiction it won't stop.
Look at contact with her as an addiction. Stop it.
Do you have unsettle business with her? List it out here first, or discuss it with a friend, or your dad. (Since he know knows your depressed.)
If it's just the pain of the lost relationship, you need to change your thoughts about it, change your view. Or you haven't worked hard enough to get yourself out of the rut.
But from what I'm reading...........
It's an addiction. You're addicted to the thought of her, even though it's over. I felt addicted all the way up to yesterday. I think what happened was I recognized the addiction, hammered it all out on here... oh, and I attended a very helpful seminar. That helped, too. It was about creating who you are TODAY. Creating the moment. Not acting out as to what you've always done, but becoming fully aware of what you are doing.
You need to stop McGrupp. SERIOUSLY!!! Or you are going to lose her!!! If i can do it you can do it!! I did 3 months of NC and then broke it and now im 29 days back in NC!! Please stop!! You CAN stop you just dont want to. Show her that you are a man of your word!!! You will look much more attractive to her...trust me on this one. Women like men who do what they say.
Agree with all others that it literally IS an addiction. You are in withdrawal. Every time you contact her you get a "hit" of the drug, but it's becoming less and less satisfying, and more painful.
I'm glad that you have an appointment with a psychologist. Keep in mind though, that one session is not going to solve all your problems and take away the pain. I've been going to a lot of therapy and I still have really awful days. But I go because it gives me an outlet to talk, and it gets me out of the house...especially when I was couch-ridden with depression for a month or so.
Just don't want you to have all your eggs in one basket and be disappointed that therapy doesn't "cure" you and be even more down on yourself.
Likely if you keep contacting her she will be forced to stop responding one of these days. I don't think you want that to happen. It might be best to start NC now, under your own power, instead of having her initiate it.
well I was sort of serious... but then realized how creepy it might sound to tell her your addicted to her.
How about: I'm so attracted to you and lost in desperation as I ponder the demise of our relationship. I think of you every waking moment in my pathetic little mind that seems to revel in the thought of you alone. I ask you to assist me in this time of need, until I can heal the wounds of our love which hath ended.
LOL. I'm so sorry, McGrupp! I'm just having fun, trying to entertain you... It's okay if your feeling needy. But if you are going to contact her, at least try not to sound so needy....!
I'm really sorry you're still hurting so bad and going through this, but you're a smart guy, and you'll stop contacting her when you're ready; when you get tired of feeling this way. And I think everyone here would like to see you get out of this cycle asap because I know it hurts.
But you'll figure it out in time, and one day you'll just get fed up with the whole thing, and the memory of getting burned will keep you from sticking your hand back into the fire. I hope it happens soon. But, we'll be here, no matter how long it takes.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
JAG - LS 
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