[Johnstamos77]

Hi all!! Id be thankful if somebody would give me some good advice as I am very confused.

Me and my ex for over 2 years broke up 3 weeks ago. Reason was, when we first broke up I was seeing someone for a month. I got back with her and told her so I can be honest. She could not take it and broke up with me. She is seeing someone else now and tells me she is happy.

I did not talk to her for couple weeks and havent seen her since. 4 days ago I started talking to her again, as I bought her roses and left it in front of her door. Since then she has been calling me everyday. She is reassuring me no one in her life is close to her and that she is not even close with the guy she is seeing.

She told me next month she is going shopping in Portland with the guy, which is 6 hours drive from where we are. I was devasted.

She tells me one of the reason she doesnt want to see me right now is b/c she feels ugly and that its so soon still. Ive written her emails about coming back to me. Im not forcing her but just telling her that I hope she does think about it, then saids that it hasn't been that long.

I think, she can see how I am trying and I know she is thinking about us from things I have written.

What do I think about this whole situation? Im so twisted and dont know what to do. I regret telling her what happened when we first broke up as we would still be together.

[BCCA]

Im sorry to have to point this out, but...dude, shes dating someone else.

Youve also done a lot of counter productive things. Im sure she thought leaving her flowers was sweet and all, but you basically just told her to take her time doing whatever she wants, and if all else fails, youre there as a backup plan.

Youre not going to like this, but you have to walk away from this one. Stop talking to her, stay NC, and if/when she breaks up with this guy, let her come to you on her own terms. Shes never going to be interested if youre sitting there waiting on her. You need to move on with your life as though she isnt coming back.

[almostpassedit]

Whatever your ex is telling you is a lie. She is keeping you in her life while she builds a relationship with this guy she is dating. If it doesn't work out with him, then she is going to come back to you or find someone else.

By you talking to her, being her friend, bringing her flowers, her telling you about this new guy she is going to go on a drive with 6 hours away, its her way of not feeling guilty.

You have to disappear from this person's life.
Ps, she's also having sex with him

[sandflea]

I have to agree with the other posters. It is one thing to be graceful and a gentleman, it is quite another to be a doormat.

Yes, be her friend. Down the road, that is. For now, be your own best friend and resolve not to continue to encourage her to use you. That's what she's doing.

Sorry man, it's over. Pick up the pieces.

Originally Posted by Johnstamos77

Hi all!! Id be thankful if somebody would give me some good advice as I am very confused.

Me and my ex for over 2 years broke up 3 weeks ago. Reason was, when we first broke up I was seeing someone for a month. I got back with her and told her so I can be honest. She could not take it and broke up with me. She is seeing someone else now and tells me she is happy.

I did not talk to her for couple weeks and havent seen her since. 4 days ago I started talking to her again, as I bought her roses and left it in front of her door. Since then she has been calling me everyday. She is reassuring me no one in her life is close to her and that she is not even close with the guy she is seeing.

She told me next month she is going shopping in Portland with the guy, which is 6 hours drive from where we are. I was devasted.

She tells me one of the reason she doesnt want to see me right now is b/c she feels ugly and that its so soon still. Ive written her emails about coming back to me. Im not forcing her but just telling her that I hope she does think about it, then saids that it hasn't been that long.

I think, she can see how I am trying and I know she is thinking about us from things I have written.

What do I think about this whole situation? Im so twisted and dont know what to do. I regret telling her what happened when we first broke up as we would still be together.

[samspade]

Agree with everyone, it's over. You are making it worse with your behavior. Move on.

By the way, her words mean almost nothing. Her actions are her message. I'd even wager that she broke up with you because SHE wanted to date other people, not because of your transgressions. Your ego is letting you believe that it was your doing, but think about it. When a woman wants a man, she's willing to compete and doing anything to win him, or in your case win him back. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you had a second go-round, and she got bored.

And this:

She is reassuring me no one in her life is close to her and that she is not even close with the guy she is seeing.

So what? She's banging some guy and telling you this? This is her way of keeping you placated so you don't get angry and/or go silent and leave her. In any case, move on, my man. You can find some new action, you already know that. And don't regret telling her anything...you were single and you dated someone else, all's fair.

[001bh]

You know I think I have a similar situation. GF breaks up with me almost 2.5 months ago after 3yrs. Tells me she still wants to be friends and all. She goes to grad school, starts dating some older dude who's almost got a phd. I unfriended her out of not being able to take it anymore. 2 weeks go by and she sends me a new friend request saying that she feels hurt and wants to continue to be friends. I guess I'm just weak and accepted it. Now just when I thought i was going to be alright and spending lots of time at the gym, i feel like crap again and don't understand why this is happening to me.

My initial logic was: if she broke it off with me then why should I be friends? I loved that person more than anything else in the world. So I went NC. Maybe I need more time? Why was she so able to jump right back into a new relationship. I hate life right now.....

[BCCA]

My initial logic was: if she broke it off with me then why should I be friends?

Good question! It would do nothing for you, but she would be able to shed some guilt and get off on the fact that you'll still consider her a friend after she crushed your heart.

Waste of time, dude.

So I went NC. Maybe I need more time?

To get over her? Maybe, but being her friend will NEVER do you any good. Its alright to be civil, and you dont need to hold a grudge forever, but you guys just cant be friends. Its selfish of her to even ask.

Why was she so able to jump right back into a new relationship

Because she had mentally moved on long before telling you, and when she left - it was OVER in her mind. I know it sucks, but thats the way it goes. You just have to worry about YOU right now, shes no longer your concern.

This is her way of keeping you placated so you don't get angry and/or go silent and leave her

EXACTLY! And you can bet that shes lying through her teeth about everything with this guy, anyway.

[001bh]

What do you mean by "lying through her teeth about everything with this guy?" I feel so lost.