I'm going to pay a visit to my ex some time next month for 1 or 2 days.
It's not the best idea in the world, but I want to be sure that I did everything that I could before the new year arrives. The break-up was delivered via email and everything after was communicated through online messengers. I want to accept that she made the best decision for the both of us even if she didn't want to fix things.
I said my goodbyes, but it doesn't feel... real. This is a bad idea and I know it, but I need to do this.
And Soul Bear, if you're reading this and disagree with me, then you are free to kick my ass once I arrive at the airport in Scotland so I won't be able to go through with this
I seriously advise against this, man. That stuff is for the birds and only works in movies. The week before my ex dumped me, I walked to her house to see her because I thought she would appreciate the effort. I was totally wrong and she seemed severely disappointed to see me. Don't make her feel bad by having to shut you down after you've flown to see her.
I mean, I'm sure you know all this. You're one of the most sensible posters on this site, but I would seriously reconsider this idea.
Yeah dude I wouldn't do it. I know you think that you must for closure or to rescue the relationship, but believe me it will only be awkward/painful/horrible. A month and a half ago, after my ex made some mixed signals about wanting to be back together (while also then saying she didn't via phone/text) I drove several hours to visit a friend near my ex so planned it that I'd stop by on my way home to see her 'one last time.' When I finally saw her for the first time in like 4 months, she didn't seem excited at all, more like 'okay let's get this over with.' She told me to my face that she didn't have feelings for me anymore, and to make things worse one of her roommate's friends was staying on the couch, so my ex had me sleep in her bed with her! Talk about a sleepless night!
I know you are thinking that if only you two are in the same room, maybe that spark will magically come back. That maybe she'll look you in the eyes and realize she made a mistake. You're setting yourself up for a lot of hurt.
Does she know you are coming or are you just going to show up unexpected??? I dont think its a good idea if its unannounced. What if shes not home? What if a guy is over there? What if shes angry?? Please think about all these posibilities. You dont need to hurt yourself anymore. What are the odds that this will come out good? Best case scenario she will be nice and cordial. Do you think she will get back together with you?? Worst case scenario....well i dont even want to think about what can happen. We all care about you here on LS and we only want the best for you. Please reconsider.
I'm sorry, but I find the inclination to call me sensible a little humorous. I guess that my posts convey a more relaxed individual at times, but I am(or was) anything but. If you had witnessed my actions or behavior, you would have thought to yourself, "wow, that guy is f'ing crazy." Some would brush it off as a common reaction to a break-up, but I think we all know better. We can all blame the chemicals, but we know better. I knew better, but I still allowed myself to lose control.
Ok, that was kind of... unnecessary. Do you see what kind of person my ex had to deal with?
But yeah, this is a bad idea. My friends would definitely kill me if I made them aware of this. I guess I'm being a little impatient. I just want to be done with all the mess of 2009 and let 2010 be a completely new year. I was in a very good mood when I started the topic, so I guess I might have ignored the obvious negative effects.
I'm currently under the impression that I just want to fly over to have a proper goodbye and I'm not looking for anything else. Well, maybe a hug would be nice. I was hoping that she would feel indifferent by December, but I suppose it may be too soon for her as well.
EDIT: I forgot to refresh the page and didn't notice the new posts. Thank you all for your concern.
No, she does not know about this, and it has been nearly a month since I re-initiated NC.
When I made the original post, my intention was to visit her while having no desire to get back together. The visit is just for a proper goodbye--or so I made myself believe. I kept telling myself, "It's ok, I don't have to be the one to make her happy. It's ok if she finds someone else. She was never mine to begin with."
But there is a small--very small--glimmer of hope. I suppose you guys want me to hold this off until there is no glint of hope left or forget this idea altogether.
And McGrupp: I wouldn't mind goodbye sex, but no, this was not for sex x_x
I'm sorry, but I find the inclination to call me sensible a little humorous. I guess that my posts convey a more relaxed individual at times, but I am(or was) anything but. If you had witnessed my actions or behavior, you would have thought to yourself, "wow, that guy is f'ing crazy." Some would brush it off as a common reaction to a break-up, but I think we all know better. We can all blame the chemicals, but we know better. I knew better, but I still allowed myself to lose control.
Well, you present yourself as a reasonable guy online. You come off as fairly mature for the most part. But the online persona is only a fraction of a person and I'm sure a lot of reality gets filtered out.
I'm glad you came to your senses, though.
And northstar pretty much nailed the whole running into somebody who's moved on thing. Terrible feeling.
I'm going to pay a visit to my ex some time next month for 1 or 2 days.
It's not the best idea in the world, but I want to be sure that I did everything that I could before the new year arrives. The break-up was delivered via email and everything after was communicated through online messengers. I want to accept that she made the best decision for the both of us even if she didn't want to fix things.
I said my goodbyes, but it doesn't feel... real. This is a bad idea and I know it, but I need to do this.
And Soul Bear, if you're reading this and disagree with me, then you are free to kick my ass once I arrive at the airport in Scotland so I won't be able to go through with this
I thought you were doin good with nC! stay that way man! wtf??????????
You in my bet and you are goin to stay with that bet!!!!
Thebob
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