[Cranialrupture]

It is taking everything I have not to punch out the monitor and everything else around me right now. I just want to explode so ****ing bad. I am so hurt and angry. After I had made so much progress forward I just got sent backwards about 5 weeks to the beginning.

I just went tried to pick up my three kids. The two older ones came just fine (12 and 8) the youngest (6) was hell bent on not wanting to go. I have gone through this with the kids before and the youngest complains and sometimes throws a little fit but is better and happy not long after we get home. They all love me and give me huge hugs and kisses all the time and tell me how much they love me etc. This problem swings both ways. Sometimes the kids dont want to go home to her. But more often its not wanting to leave her and her friend that she is living with. I have talked with the stbxw about it (which she brought up) already. She had said that she doesn't want to make the kids go somewhere they dont want because she says that I(speaking of me) dont know what its like to have to go with a person when you dont want to go with that person'. Now her childhood was a rough one. Her mother went through 5 divorces. My parents almost got a divorce a couple times but managed to work it out. My dad died about three years ago and my mother tells me that the best decision she ever made was working things out with my dad. So the stbxw is right, I dont know what its like. But I also know that, "they sometimes dont want to go", is not because they dont like me but because its funner over at the other house. The kids share a room together and have new beds and a tv and game system in their room, a dvd player, they have a dog, etc. Which here they have their own rooms with no tv's and no game systems and no dog, etc, but I still show my love for my kids and take care of them. The friend that the ex is staying with for some damn reason is trying to fill my place. The ex does not see that, obviously. I brought my concern up with her last night and she completely defended her friend, which I knew she would but I still needed to voice my concern. The friend also keeps randomly giving the kids gifts like sweatshirts and toys etc. which is nice and all but its making it so the kids want to stay there and not come with their dad. I discussed the issue with the stbxw about how the kids are going to go through phases and what not and i am working on trying to make this as easy on the kids as possible. So to prevent an arguement or fight I left with the two older kids and went home. I don't know if this was the right decision or not. I dont know what to do about it. I am just so extremely pissed off right now because she is getting what she wants, which I feel is turning the kids against me without actually talking bad about me. Or its what the friend wants. I dunno what to do, I just want to take care of the kids as best as possible and as much as possible, but this crap really irritates the hell out of me.

Then she sends me a text after I left about how bad she feels, that she feels horrible. I wanted to reply 'good, you should' but I didnt respond, but I just need advice on what to do before I do something stupid. like go around and punch all the damn windows out or something.