I think there are signs. Recently a woman I know got involved with a married man. She claims she didn't know he was married until his wife called her cursing her out and threatening her.
Anyway, prior to this he was giving her rent money, got her brakes fixed on her car, got her cable turned on and just giving her money. She's a 27 year old single mom who really needed the help so she was grateful. But I suspected he was married all along because he's a 42 year old man. Why in the world would he be doing all these things for a woman he just met? I asked her that and she said he told her, "I just hate to see a young woman struggling." Yeah right! From that point on, I thought he may be married but she didn't.
Well, I was right. It just seemed like something a married man would do to try and gain a vulnerable woman's trust in order to have an affair.
Even if a man doesn't come right out and tell you he's married, aren't their signs that he is?
there are lots of red flags... if you are paying attention enough to wonder.
usually when things don't make sense - there is a reason why. it's designed that way, you aren't really supposed to be able to figure it out. if you are paying CLOSE attention to the details, it usually becomes obvious enough by little clues that they slip up with along the way.
pay attention!
can you call him and reach him at any time - different times of the day; weekend?
does he allow you to understand where he lives, including home phone?
does he disappear without any contact at a variety of times, without wanting to explain the absence?
does he introduce you to his family and friends?
is his private info given freely? does it show his true name, address, work history if you were to do a background check on him? or is it designed to not give away info that he may not want you to find out? for example - no last name, no email that shows what his full name may be, no indication of where he may live, if he is married etc...
have you been included in a variety of aspects of his life?
have you seen his living/working environment?
do his actions match his words? does he do what he says he'll do when he says he'll do it?
is he predictable and upfront? or do things not add up and not make sense?
Of course there are signs just as others have said the fact that he probably can't stay with you over night is a huge red flagg to me. Women kill me claiming they just didn't know he was married it gets me so angry...A woman's instincts are ALWAYS dead on and trust me she does know he was married.
My H had a lot of girlfriends.
Sounds like D-Lish could have been one of them! The only thing off is the timing.
He had a hotel room out of town for a year. He had a secret cell phone, a secret lap top, and a secret car. He travels frequently anyway so I never knew he was going to the same place (about 3 hours away).
After speaking with several of the OW , I could not believe the stupid stories he concocted. Intricate, detailed, nonsense.
I dated a lot previous to marrying this one so I always knew how to find out if a guy was available and honest or not.
To most of us a guy you cant reach at home, cant see on weekends, or who comes up blank on a google or with an address that cannot be looked into, or you cant confirm...DUH. He is married or a serial killer.
But the single women he snowed, they were all vulnerable in one way or another. I dont want to say not bright, but , they had reason to want to believe he was interested. So, I guess they did.
__________________
"She looks like the real thing She tastes like the real thing My fake plastic love."
Radio Head
When he ALWAYS meets you out, or at your place, but never on a weekend because he has visitaion of his difficult teenage child, or his mom is sick, or the dog is at the vet, or.....6 months go by and you realize you HAVE NEver been to his Place.
Whether I have my wedding ring on or not it is fairly obvious that I am married...just carry myself as such. And I inject my wife into conversations pretty early on; i.e. "was telling the wife" or "my wife told me"...
I have a cooking scar that is a dead ringer for a "ring tan line".. I've been told many times... "married eh?" by women. I laugh and say "no it's a burn"... I wonder how many believe me.
I once dated a guy for a few months- and I found out he was married because his wife called me.
He had a home base for work- where he had an apartment (near me). This apartment had no remnants or evidence of a wife.
His wife lived in another city 6 hours away. He travelled often for his job- from home base to other cities, and back home again where he had his wife and his house.
He had 2 cell phones- one phone his wife never new about.
His wife found that cell phone and that is when she found about about his affair(s).
When she called, she was quick to say that I was one of a few women on his phone that she had confirmed cheating with.... AND she hadn't finished investigating.
I did meet his friends from this area- I did stay at his apartment - we went out in public often. His friends/team mates were very much into keeping the secret.
What he had said was that he had a "crazy" ex-wife living in "xxy", and they had house/business/etc issues lingering- and sometimes he would step out onto the balcony or into the hall to take a call from her. Looking back- those phone calls maybe should have been something I should have questioned. I didn't though- to me, he was so forthcoming and obvious about it that I didn't question it.
This guy was a skilled manipulator. When he was in town, we were dating! This situation is probably a bit unusual, his circumstances made it ideal for him to cheat. I think he was a "girl in every port" kind of guy.
Anyway- his "crazy" ex wife wasn't crazy... She was actually alright. She was accustomed to his cheating- obviously, I wasn't the first, nor would I be the last. I know she finally left him a couple years ago. But she did stay with him for quite some time after she called me and I ceased contact with him.
This was before google- had I googled him when I met him, I probably could have gotten his marital status.
__________________ "Running around, robbing banks, all whacked on the Scooby Snacks"..... BloodHound Gang (FLC)
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