[lilbelle]

I'm just asking because, I think I might have become emotionally abusive like he was. I can't explain it really but it hinders me from getting close to anyone. I feel like I can't communicate anymore. Does anyone else have this problem?

[deux ex machina]

Originally Posted by lilbelle

...Does anyone else have this problem?

Not especially, no. I understood him more than anyone has, on a visceral level - which did freak him out/intrigue him. It's why he wanted to keep me. And yes, I said "keep me" for a reason.

I'm pretty wounded by the experience, when you are in pain you are temporarily more selfish by necessity, so in a sense yes - yet I don't think that is what you're getting at.

No, I couldn't abuse anyone quite the same way he could. Kind of where we parted ways. I have the capacity to, I understand it, but I wouldn't do it.

Originally Posted by lilbelle

I'm just asking because, I think I might have become emotionally abusive like he was.

In what ways do you believe you have become like he was?

I can't explain it really but it...

Oh yes you can. One of the things about being mindf*cked over a period of time is you start to doubt your perceptions. Totally get it, and no it won't be quite what it was for a bit, but explain as best you can right now.

What you see really matters. You do count, you know.

...hinders me from getting close to anyone.

How long have been free of this man? Are you still healing, love?

...I feel like I can't communicate anymore...

You will build trust in yourself again.
The hurt in the moment can certainly feel like forever, but that isn't objectively true.

You get angry and defensive "ahead of time" when you have to communicate with someone?

[lilbelle]

Originally Posted by deux ex machina

Not especially, no. I understood him more than anyone has, on a visceral level - which did freak him out/intrigue him. It's why he wanted to keep me. And yes, I said "keep me" for a reason.

I'm pretty wounded by the experience, when you are in pain you are temporarily more selfish by necessity, so in a sense yes - yet I don't think that is what you're getting at.

No, I couldn't abuse anyone quite the same way he could. Kind of where we parted ways. I have the capacity to, I understand it, but I wouldn't do it.




In what ways do you believe you have become like he was?


Well, I thought I was over this or at least healed. I mean I have had therapy, meds, and we were apart for 8 months with no contact at all. We can just now speak again as friends but the pain is still there and I can nevver forgive him even thouh I know he has a disease. It just that I finally met this great guy and I think I must have sent some very mean texts to him. Regardless after the break up with the great guy I am now pulling back all these memories of the abuser and his abuse and those feelings are coming back and I feel like I'm abusing myself. I can't get out, I can't function. It's like I'm back at square one.

I am positive I said things I should have never said to this man and I know I didn't mean them at all and that is not me. Somehow I have picked up those traits from him, not so much the abuse but the trait of sharp toungue and intentional hurt. I want to fix this but I don't know how. I can't afford to go back to therapy right now.




Oh yes you can. One of the things about being mindf*cked over a period of time is you start to doubt your perceptions. Totally get it, and no it won't be quite what it was for a bit, but explain as best you can right now.

What you see really matters. You do count, you know.




How long have been free of this man? Are you still healing, love?

I have been officially divorced 2 months. Met dreamy the same week. Fell in love with him. The abuser had been out of my life almost completely other than very limited contact and divorce and finance issues for over a year. He still holds a loan over me for the next year and he finds excuses to speak to me. One day he called and said he had some stuff for me and wanted to come over. I refused to let him in my apartment and he got upset but he knows why. I guess I am healing, I have severe trust issues and I think that is what caused the break up with dreamy which really bothers me because he is such a great guy. I just don't know how to explain these issues to him. I don't want him to think I'm crazy or unstable. i've just been severly abused by a man I gave my all too. But now he won't even speak to me. He hates me I think.



You will build trust in yourself again.
The hurt in the moment can certainly feel like forever, but that isn't objectively true.

You get angry and defensive "ahead of time" when you have to communicate with someone?

Yes, I'm getting very angry then bouts of depression. It's like I can't stop it. I don't know why, I am a very strong woman. I just want to move on and be happy. I would give anything to be happy.

[lilbelle]

Originally Posted by lilbelle

Yes, I'm getting very angry then bouts of depression. It's like I can't stop it. I don't know why, I am a very strong woman. I just want to move on and be happy. I would give anything to be happy.

Something happened to the post, quotes didn't work out