Just recently broke up with my girlfriend. She told me she wants to be single and is very confused with her life right now and needs some space. The relationship ended because of my mistakes, my lies and my stupidity. We went out for 2 years and six months and were very much in love talking everyday about everything. I have never had such deep conversations in my life. I know things about this girl that no one not even her parents know. She told me there was a good chance that we could get back together with some time but i dont know if i should believe her or just move the **** on. I do want her back so bad
Last edited by Ultiman; 2nd November 2009 at 3:34 PM..
The best thing you could possibly do is focus on moving on. Stay completely out of contact with this girl, assume its over for good, and try your hardest to move on with your life.
If she was to ever come back, you would then be in a much better position to make a good decision on getting back together. Truth be told, she is not likely to come back, and she probably left thinking she could do better on the open market. If she comes back, you may very well decide that you arent interested, but if you sit around waiting on her, it will be a complete waste.
Quote:
She told me there was a good chance that we could get back together with some time
Ask yourself, does this make any sense? Why dump you if she might get back together with you? This is crap, and if you think about it, at BEST shes saying she might be back if she doesnt find anyone else. Do you really want to wait for that? No.
Ask yourself, does this make any sense? Why dump you if she might get back together with you? This is crap, and if you think about it, at BEST shes saying she might be back if she doesnt find anyone else. Do you really want to wait for that? No.
I do believe you're discounting what the severity of his mistakes and lies were. Some things sort of require a "relationship reset" where both parties take that break and examine their motives, which is what I suggested he do. So in reality what she said could make perfect sense.
I do believe you're discounting what the severity of his mistakes and lies were. Some things sort of require a "relationship reset" where both parties take that break and examine their motives, which is what I suggested he do. So in reality what she said could make perfect sense.
I'm more apt to believe he was not entirely at fault, and is over blaming himself to rationalize her dumping him. I could be wrong, and you would be correct, but I've seen so many guys take all the blame of a breakup because thats easier, and they are affraid of blaming the ex for anything.
I still stand behind the statement that someone saying 'we can maybe get back together later' is BS. You either have value and are worth the effort now, or you never will be. At BEST, you can look forward to another round of this.
I'm more apt to believe he was not entirely at fault, and is over blaming himself to rationalize her dumping him. I could be wrong, and you would be correct, but I've seen so many guys take all the blame of a breakup because thats easier, and they are affraid of blaming the ex for anything.
I still stand behind the statement that someone saying 'we can maybe get back together later' is BS. You either have value and are worth the effort now, or you never will be. At BEST, you can look forward to another round of this.
Id say the fault is 75 percent mines 20 percent her parents and 5 percent hers. We met when she was 15 and her parents made it hell for us to be with each other which in turn angered me causing me to do stupid **** which turned into a vicious cycle. Plus I was addicted to marijuana which i constantly lied to her about. The drug addiction was the main problem it made me lazy and unattractive. Sadly now that i have quit we are broken up and i am finally returning to being the hard working honest and caring man she met me as.
We talked yesterday and our conversation gave me more hope that we are going to get back together.
Last edited by Ultiman; 3rd November 2009 at 9:21 PM..
She told me there was a good chance that we could get back together with some time but i dont know if i should believe her or just move the **** on. I do want her back so bad
Not to call you on wording, but there is something about that, that bothers me. I mean if it were your lies that ended the relationship, I would imagine you have no reason not to believe her? Seriously take a look at your motives, some people when they don't end a relationship themselves, want it back merely to dump the person again and get the "upper hand". If you've gone through two years and you're really as in love as you've said, the decision should be clear and moving on should be the farthest thing from your mind at this moment. Since I can only assume what your lies and mistakes were, I would imagine though that her seeing you move on might only be marked as "more of the same" to her. I believe this is a situation where you need to convey your feelings for her honestly, not desperately, but honestly. Don't promise to change, actually change.
If you've gone through two years and you're really as in love as you've said, the decision should be clear and moving on should be the farthest thing from your mind at this moment.
Since I can only assume what your lies and mistakes were, I would imagine though that her seeing you move on might only be marked as "more of the same" to her. I believe this is a situation where you need to convey your feelings for her honestly, not desperately, but honestly. Don't promise to change, actually change.
This is not a million miles from my situation and why I am not entirely convinced with NC.
Sure a break up is ultimately caused by two people but if one of those two people are unhappy and its because of the other ones actions or behaviours then surely the right course of action is to take corrective steps to change that behaviour?
if you 'get through' and she see's this then you might win her back, but if not or if you do go through another round of this at least you will know and at least it will make you a better person.
I agree with euroxx. Sometimes you just have to take a break to get your priorities straight. But in my experience, moving on just means moving on with your life and getting on with the work you are going to have to do to improve yourself.
Regardless of the end result (which shouldn't be your main concern right now as difficult as that sounds!) you both will have a chance to learn about yourselves and to put yourselves in better positions to, if fate would have it, be together again or if not, to be with someone new.
I'm just speaking from experience here, as I recently went through a similar thing, and it seems my ex and I after not seeing each other for months and dating other people and working on improving our own lives and attitudes are now in a position now to reconcile the situation and are doing so.
Its slow process but if you both really love each other and are committed to being better people to yourselves and the world, it might work out, if not now in a few months or years...
But again it takes work and love on both sides for this to happen!
Just recently broke up with my girlfriend. She told me she wants to be single and is very confused with her life right now and needs some space. The relationship ended because of my mistakes, my lies and my stupidity. We went out for 2 years and six months and were very much in love talking everyday about everything. I have never had such deep conversations in my life. I know things about this girl that no one not even her parents know. She told me there was a good chance that we could get back together with some time but i dont know if i should believe her or just move the **** on. I do want her back so bad
Anyone who tells you they "need some space" is usually ending the relationship. Often, they already have someone new waiting in the wings to fill the space you just vacated. This may or may not be true in your case.
However, getting back together rarely lasts, and the second attempt usually involves much more hurt and heartache than the first time around. Unless your situation with this woman has changed in some deep, fundamental way, I would not open myself up for more pain.
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