This morning I found out that my six year old lied about eating his lunch we pack for him. I spoke to one of the care takers at the school and he caught my son dumping his sandwich in the trash. This incident occured last week.
We ask him everyday if he ate his lunch and he says "yes". Obviously he is lying.
I have no idea how many times he has done this. Once, twice, 10 times ? I feel hurt that he is lying but don't want to explode.
He is a great kid. We talked to him in the past that lying is wrong. He knows.
Here is my take.....I kneel down in front of him, maintain eye contact and then say....
"<my son's name>, I found out from <the person who told me about this> that you lied to me about your eating your lunch. Instead you threw it in the trast. I am very hurt by what you did and that you lied to me. As a consequence, you will not be allowed to play wii or watch TV for the next 3 days".
Parent of four kids. And yes, they have brought there lunch home uneaten...or parts of it. And yes, I have gotten mad that they didn't eat it. (Actually, worried that they were starving all day, which is weird because if they were then any food would have tasted good ).
First, WHY does he feel he needs to lie and dump his food? Mine bring it home, and now I try to never get mad when they do. Usually it is part of the main course, or maybe the apple for one, or the cookies for the other. Most of the time it is because they didn't "have time." This means they wanted to get outdoors, or they were less hungry because of stress of a test...or who knows why.
Second, usually I would say punish a lie, but in this case, why? Getting to the bottom of why he dumps his food instead of bringing it home and saying why he did not get time to eat something or did not like something is more appropriate for long term behavior change. Punishing the lie will simply change how he dumps his food. Will it get him to eat his food? Doubt it.
Third, if it is too much food, then give him less.
If it were my kid (and it has been), then I would try to get an answer as to why the need to lie, and why he wants to dump his food. Then I would say that if he cannot eat everything, then bring it home. While I am not saying his lunch should be as he wants it, having him help pack the lunch does help. My kids actually prefer fruits and chips over cookies quite often. And the main course is usually leftovers from the previous nights meal.
IMO punishing the lie in this situation will not solve the problem. It may get him to quit lying about eating the food, but again, it may not. However, in this case, I think a resolution regarding not finishing his lunch is what is needed.
I do know that my kids will give away food once in awhile and probably trade for something else. My opinion is that as long as they eat and are healthy...and don't eat just junk food, then I am fine with it. Putting them in a position that makes lying preferable to bringing food home means another problem exists.
Just mu 2c.
__________________ "Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, the other is to let her have it." --LBJ
I agree that the issue should be why he's not eating his lunch. My kids have never lied about it, but have never had to. They also usually brought home what they didn't eat, which meant I had to toss it.
Eating the same sandwich every day gets old, or the same anything for that matter. I'm lucky that my son loves the hot lunches at the school, but we didn't have that option in elementary school. Work with him, lunch doesn't have to be a sandwich. Yogurt, cheese, fruit, veggies and dip, chicken nuggets (which aren't bad room temp) pb with crackers or apples. My kids have never liked sandwiches even at home or during the summer.
I'ld let the lying pass on this one, he probably DID eat some of his lunch. Just find out what sounds good to him and vary it from day to day.
My oldest was on medication that caused her not to be hungry at lunch. It drove the lunch worker (who was a friend of mine) crazy. She had a good breakfast, and usually a hearty snack when she got home and a good dinner. I had to constantly tell them that it was OK if she didn't eat her lunch, not to hound her. She was also more interested in socializing than eating at that time! They WILL eat when they get hungry... I don't force the food issue.
__________________ "Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace." Amelia Earheart
The only message that he sent by his lying is that he is afraid of you.
If you take the measures you mentioned, you are going to make him even more afraid of you and more likely to lie to you the next time.
A child who will be honest about their actions is only part of the equation. You also want their actions to be of a good intent and productive.
No amount of honesty should make a parent okay with all actions out of a fear of not being able to be their kid's friend . And some actions need a firmer hand than:
"well since you were honest about it we'll let this go"
Seeing as how the kid is only 6, the actions in question are not such a huge deal. He didn't seek to hurt anyone or even lie to a diabolic end.
Remember being 6? He probably just doesn't like what is in his lunch. I distinctly remember pimento loaf becoming an issue in first grade. I thought it looked pretty but it tasted awful. I didn't eat much that week......
I believe in not wasting food. That is why I ask about preferences and let my son choose his portion size.
__________________
may your sons' wives rejoice as often as your own; may your daughters marry men of your worth.
However, it does not change the fact that he lied. No message from us about what he did was wrong/not acceptable ?
Yes, of course. You should tell him that lying is unacceptable. I remember when one of mine came home with most of his lunch, and I was a bit mad. But I told him that it was better to bring it home than to lie and not bring it home.
I think the point is...don't focus on the lying as the only problem. Find out why he isn't eating his lunch.
All of our kids have complete input in what goes in their lunch, but they know that certain things need to be there. For example, it cannot be made up of all cookies. Also, some kids can eat more than others during the day. As parents, we forget that lunchtime is more about connecting with friends than eating food....which is why when they come home, they suddenly are "starving.:
You mentioned the affair and all (which I now remember reading). Could that play into the reason for lying? He may not want to get you mad?
As you find out why the lunch is not eaten, you can reiterate that lying is unacceptable and bringing it home is better. Even if he wants to give something away...this beats lying.
I can say that at least once or twice a week something comes home from the lunches. For 90% of the time, it is that the kid did not have time to eat everything...at least in his or her mind.
I'm not sure that it is a complete bold face lie from a 6 year old. Surely, he ate some of his lunch. Lunch occurred. I'd work on modifying the behavior, bringing home what he doesn't eat and deciding what would be good. There will be plenty of instances to drive home the lying point, unfortunately. I would use this time to make the point that he can trust you with his feelings.
I punish for lying. I've got a thread a year ago on here where I lost it when I found out my 6th grader purposely hid a paper when I signed for the weeks tests. I just don't think that's what you're dealing with exactly. Just ask him to bring the food home that he doesn't eat so that the two of you can figure out what, and how much should be sent.
I would use this time to make the point that he can trust you with his feelings.
nice.
I agree. This is not a bold face lie. He is just six years old for crying out loud. I get it. That's why i posted here. They say it takes a village to raise a child. That was then, now it takes a website like LS to raise one. lol.
interesting.... My guess is he does not like the food we pack. But you do bring up a good point. Get to the bottom of the issue first...
Another good thought. Have him help us pack his lunch.
However, it does not change the fact that he lied. No message from us about what he did was wrong/not acceptable ?
To be honest, My 3rd grader can rarely remember what he had for lunch much less what he ate and what he threw away.
A lie is for a 6 year old something very different than for an adult. I would say throwing away his sandwich at lunch is not a punishable offense.
My small children also have breakfast at home, then breakfast at school [I did not know this for a long time, turns out their friends breakfast at school and they follow along often having 2 breakfast portions at school], they are snacked twice during the school day, and don't have a huge appetite at lunchtime.
I go have lunch with my children at school often and find that there is a monitor that pushes for "lunch rush" so that the next group of kids can have seats opened up for them, even I feel hurried through lunchtime there.
Many schools have also combined recess with lunchtime so once lunch is done that is the time you get for play with friends and outdoors. To be honest, I would probably rather play with my friends too.
Just get to the bottom of why he's not eating his lunch and see if it even should be rectified.
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it's easy to feel beaten down by logic. -Quankanne
A lie is for a 6 year old something very different than for an adult. I would say throwing away his sandwich at lunch is not a punishable offense.
Clarification. I thought I had mentioned this earlier but may be not. I asked him everyday if he ate his lunch. And he said "yes", everyday so far in the last two months and on days he purchased lunch, I would still ask him the same question...He would purchase lunch about once a week and on other days we would pack him.
I agree that a lie for a 6 year old is very different than for an adult.
I also agree that throwing away his lunch in itself is not a punishable offense.
Clarification. I thought I had mentioned this earlier but may be not. I asked him everyday if he ate his lunch. And he said "yes", everyday so far in the last two months and on days he purchased lunch, I would still ask him the same question...He would purchase lunch about once a week and on other days we would pack him.
I agree that a lie for a 6 year old is very different than for an adult.
I also agree that throwing away his lunch in itself is not a punishable offense.
not to get into semantics but if he ate any of his lunch. He wouldn't be lieing to you by answering yes. Is he throwing away his whole lunch? or just part of it.,
Because if he is throwing away just part of it he is truthfully answering your question.
Parent of four kids. And yes, they have brought there lunch home uneaten...or parts of it. And yes, I have gotten mad that they didn't eat it. (Actually, worried that they were starving all day, which is weird because if they were then any food would have tasted good ).
First, WHY does he feel he needs to lie and dump his food? Mine bring it home, and now I try to never get mad when they do. Usually it is part of the main course, or maybe the apple for one, or the cookies for the other. Most of the time it is because they didn't "have time." This means they wanted to get outdoors, or they were less hungry because of stress of a test...or who knows why.
Second, usually I would say punish a lie, but in this case, why? Getting to the bottom of why he dumps his food instead of bringing it home and saying why he did not get time to eat something or did not like something is more appropriate for long term behavior change. Punishing the lie will simply change how he dumps his food. Will it get him to eat his food? Doubt it.
Third, if it is too much food, then give him less.
If it were my kid (and it has been), then I would try to get an answer as to why the need to lie, and why he wants to dump his food. Then I would say that if he cannot eat everything, then bring it home. While I am not saying his lunch should be as he wants it, having him help pack the lunch does help. My kids actually prefer fruits and chips over cookies quite often. And the main course is usually leftovers from the previous nights meal.
IMO punishing the lie in this situation will not solve the problem. It may get him to quit lying about eating the food, but again, it may not. However, in this case, I think a resolution regarding not finishing his lunch is what is needed.
I do know that my kids will give away food once in awhile and probably trade for something else. My opinion is that as long as they eat and are healthy...and don't eat just junk food, then I am fine with it. Putting them in a position that makes lying preferable to bringing food home means another problem exists.
Just mu 2c.
I 100% agree with this.
Also, don't mention who told you about it. Let him believe you have "parental magic". It will help keep him honest.
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ETA for "Bump" June 8, 2010!
Gestating in a life-satisfying way.
....I was going to but now I may not. thanks. I start saying "I found out....." ? (and leave the name out ?)
you guys and gals are amazing. One day, I will share this thread with my dear son...
Maybe something like "Son, do you not like what we pack for your lunch? If not or if it's too much, we can change it, since what's in it, isn't cast in stone. This way, all or part of it doesn't get thrown out."
This gives him a safe harbour opening, to agree or disagree. If he upholds the lie, then you're going to have to address it a little more firmly. But backing anyone into a corner, rarely works.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
).
. And some actions need a firmer hand than:
....I was going to but now I may not. thanks. I start saying "I found out....." ? (and leave the name out ?) 
June 8, 2010 
Hybrid Mode
