HI
As a newbie here and someonewho never thought I would need this kind of advice please bear with me ... heres the story so far;
This last weekend gone (23rd oct) my wife of 18 years announced that she wanted us to split as she didnt want to be unfaithfull behind my back. To say I was shocked is an understatement, we have had our ups & downs (who hasnt) we have also started a new life here in NZ for our 2 kids (12 & 17) and ourselves, emigrating from UK some 18 months ago.
The shocker was she wanted to carry on as we are and present to the outside world, that we are still married, no one is to know.
So I went along with this for a couple of days but after visiting a councilor yesterday, came to realised this isnt healthy for our kids or me.
It seemed to annoy her that I had not folowed her rules in contacting counciling and later family and friends. ( I need to talk about things)
So I now find myself still here (family home) with 2 upset children and a stranger (the wife) She will not consider counciling with me or alone (never has been able to vocalise emotion - part of the real problem I realise now)
So I am pressing ahead for the kids as they sure need some professional help in coping with their lifes, being so suddenly altered.
Lukily I am able to be here with them as work is v understanding, my doctor has also helped me in advising agencies for family support.
So I am here for them but I believe so should their mom be here - she is keen to have her 'free spirit' lifestyle, whilst I have always been a 'home bird'
I am trying to keep busy contacting a lawyer, family court and the various agencies here - colleagues and the few real friends i have made in the short time we have been here, have all been great, with varying degrees of support, including offers of a place to stay for me.
I guess my dilema really centres around the kids - keeping normality going whilst not wanting to stay here with her, should that make things worse - theres an element of Why TF should I leave since I have not caused this but I must put this aside in favour of the best interests of the kids.
As I type this I am alone in that she is staying out (overnight) being a free spirit again. Is quite a dilema - in some ways it would be easier if she flew the nest, at least during the week....
obviously its less than a week since this bomb shell, so we are all raw and a lot of tears have flowed, I would appreciate all your views & comments, we are all in new territory here
Threaded Mode