I been married for 15 months. Before I got married I started messing with another man. He is married as well. My husband and I run in the same circles as this guy and his wife. When we decided to mess around we both agreed that it was only for fun and that it will never become serious. Well it did and I got scared and called things off. I got married deciding that this whole ordeal was in the past. 8 months ago the OM moved into my area and has been pursuing me since. I finally agreed to the affair. The crazy thing is that its more than just sex and we both verbally expressed that we loved each other. We both agree that we we have martial obligations and don't want to hurt our spouses.
My husband is a great guy but we have different veiws about life. Even before I decided to start up the affair again we were not working out. In the back of my mind I kind of feel like I married my husband because the OM was already married and we had no future so why wait on the sidelines to be see where are fling will go.
But the OM and I click on so many levels. I think of the OM constantly and he understands how I feel without me saying a word unlike my husband with him I have to literally draw a map of my feelings. My question is does the Om really love me and if so what should I do about my marriage and my feelings for this married man.
Last edited by leasha_ice; 26th October 2009 at 1:55 AM..
I been married for 15 months. Before I got married I started messing with another man. He is married as well. My husband and I run in the same circles as this guy and his wife. When we decided to mess around we both agreed that it was only for fun and that it will never become serious. Well it did and I got scared and called things off. I got married deciding that this whole ordeal was in the past. 8 months ago the OM moved into my area and has been pursuing me since. I finally agreed to the affair. The crazy thing is that its more than just sex and we both verbally expressed that we loved each other. We both agree that we we have martial obligations and don't want to hurt our spouses.
My husband is a great guy but we have different veiws about life. Even before I decided to start up the affair again we were not working out. In the back of my mind I kind of feel like I married my husband because the OM was already married and we had no future so why wait on the sidelines to be see where are fling will go.
But the OM and I click on so many levels. I think of the OM constantly and he understands how I feel without me saying a word unlike my husband with him I have to literally draw a map of my feelings. My question is does the Om really love me and if so what should I do about my marriage and my feelings for this married man.
You have two questions you need to have answered... the first one being -- are you in your marriage for the right reason?
You don't get to have it both ways... you don't "get" to stay in your marriage "just in case" your MM decides to stay in his. They are two separate issues.
#1. Do you love your husband? Can you commit to him for the REST OF YOUR LIFE?
#2. IF you decide to leave your husband because you don't see it working (outside of your feelings for your MM), then you can start to wonder if you have a future AFTER you are divorced.
You need to make a decision, and I suggest you do it before kids enter into the picture. Take it from me... it becomes much more complicated after that. Set your H free if you can't commit to him 100%.
Whoah ...Cheating too soon, too much(not that later and less will make it better ) but...girlfriend, we can't even help you find any kind of rationalization with this one ( not that we ever do but...) ....divorce your husband, you do not love the poor sap. And the OM...truly, do you want to be his second choice? It will get messy.
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"....like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon..."
I am normally of the opinion that people should try every tactic possible to save their marriages. But in this case I agree with the other responses. Divorce your husband, and move on.
Regardless of the choice you make about your affair, you owe it to your husband to give him the chance of finding someone who REALLY LOVES him. It will be hugely unfair for you to hold onto him, and allow him to think he is loved when you only married him because you didn't want to be alone. What a wasted life you and he will both have to look back on if you maintain this charade for another 10 or 20 years!!! Do it now while you are both young and have so much life ahead.
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Attempt not to deceive the god with thy mortal lips. Peer deep within thyself, and ask not questions to which thou already knowest the answer, seek not advice which thou dost not intend to obey.
I been married for 15 months. Before I got married I started messing with another man.
then why the hell did you get married?
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He is married as well. My husband and I run in the same circles as this guy and his wife. When we decided to mess around we both agreed that it was only for fun and that it will never become serious. Well it did and I got scared and called things off. I got married deciding that this whole ordeal was in the past. 8 months ago the OM moved into my area and has been pursuing me since. I finally agreed to the affair. The crazy thing is that its more than just sex and we both verbally expressed that we loved each other. We both agree that we we have martial obligations and don't want to hurt our spouses.
no, you both don't want the fallout of what you have done. You don't want to hurt your spouses? then get a divorce. I'm assuming you haven't been married long and no kids? If so, then get an annullment. Your husband deserves better. He deserves to move on with his life before any more of his precious time on this earth is wasted, and needs to be able to find someone that will be true to him.
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But the OM and I click on so many levels. I think of the OM constantly and he understands how I feel without me saying a word unlike my husband with him I have to literally draw a map of my feelings. My question is does the Om really love me and if so what should I do about my marriage and my feelings for this married man.
As far as whether the OM loves you.....who cares? What you should do about your marriage is tantamount here and you should get a divorce.
Then worry about whether the OM loves you.....because in asking us whether the OM loves you, I think you are simply looking for the answer that you want to make sure the OM will be there if you divorce your husband, and if you want to keep your husband as the backburner in case you and the OM don't work out.
That isn't your husband's problem. he deserves happiness, and that won't be achieved by being with someone that isn't true to him. you may be able to snow him into thinking everything is ok, but he will never have true happiness that way.
So quit being selfish and do him a favor....get an annullment so he can move on with his life.
I want to thank everyone for responding. As I look at what I posted I do look like a selfish bitch. It is not fair to my husband that I'm having an affair. When my husband gets home tonigt I'm talk to him about what happen with the OM. If leaves me than I can only blame myself. Hopefully I can get my **** together.
When my husband gets home tonigt I'm talk to him about what happen with the OM.
leasha, good luck....I dont agree that your first step should be to divorce your husband but instead to let him know what happened with OM. You are doing the right thing. I know it is not that easy.
Remember to stay calm and don't shift the blame on to your husband while talking. It will be the most painful one hour of your life.
Can you tell us how it went ? (it wont be pretty, i can guarantee you that).
You have got to be kidding me?? YOU chose the affair, YOU are unhappy with your husband! Now YOU are going to let him choose???? Its YOUR problem, has nothing to with your husband, YOU chose this for him yet you are to big of a coward to stand up for YOUR feelings and walk away??? That is manipulative as hell. Put your big girl panties on and make your own decision and STOP playing around with other peoples lives.
__________________ "Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace." Amelia Earheart
You have got to be kidding me?? YOU chose the affair, YOU are unhappy with your husband! Now YOU are going to let him choose???? Its YOUR problem, has nothing to with your husband, YOU chose this for him yet you are to big of a coward to stand up for YOUR feelings and walk away??? That is manipulative as hell. Put your big girl panties on and make your own decision and STOP playing around with other peoples lives.
I agree from the tone of that post I have a feeling this will somehow all turn out to be hubby's fault, and so will it be the HUSBAND's fault when he leaves, all the mutual friends and family will be told "HE left ME"..
Original poster!!! I beg of you, do NOT twist this to make yourself into the poor helpless victim of "insert whatever you will use to tell your husband he is lacking here" ... when you tell your husband. OWN your fault. NONE of this is your husbands fault, NONE OF IT!!!
Admit that YOU made a mistake. Do not try to blame ANYONE else for your weakness.
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...Cheating too soon, too much(not that later and less will make it better ) but...girlfriend, we can't even help you find any kind of rationalization with this one ( not that we ever do but
...) ....divorce your husband, you do not love the poor sap. And the OM...truly, do you want to be his second choice? It will get messy.
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