I am 28 My Bf was 35. We had what i thought was a great relationship we were together for about a year and a half and prior to that we were good freinds for about 2 years. At the begining of our relationship i caught him going into the bathroom with about four other guys, i know a few of this guys did cocaine. I asked him what he was doing and he insisted he didnt do any drugs and that they just somtimes all took a piss together. I never belived that and after that i was always suspicious of these particular freinds. I always got along great with his other freinds, his work friends his family but i didnt not like it when he would hang out with these particular guys. For the first year or so they hardley came around. and when they did They used to come to his house and do drugs in the bathroom and i would make sure my bf wasnt doing anything, He would never tell those guys to go home or not to do that stuff. Most of our fights were caused because of these particular freinds that did drugs. about 2 months ago we finally had a big blow out over these drug freinds and he said i was trying to tell him who he could and couldnt see and that i shouldnt make him choose, wich i didnt i just asked that he tell them not to bring cocaine around. he said thats not fair to him. He said that i degraded him by accusing him of doing drugs and that his freinds know he didnt do that stuff. But one freind said to him before since when dont u do it.
So I broke up with him about 2 months ago then decided i would forgive him but he said he didnt want to get back with me because we would never be able to get over this issue and i would never trust him over drugs, he also said that i become to explosive and seems like he is finding minor issues wrong with me, we hardly had fights except over drugs and these particular freinds. I know latley he has been going out with this group of guys. He has lost alot of weight latley and said its because he cant work out and he is running more. He wanted to stay being freinds and would text me often. i found i was doing most of the work though in being freinds and he never invited me out. He said he loved me and his family thinks he should work it out with me but he said he doesnt want to and they dont know cause they werent in the relationship with me and dont know how i am lol because i get angery over drugs. When people ask him what happened with us he doesnt explaing and only says "its Too Complicated" About 2 weeks ago i started no contact. he text me a few times saying hi and hello but i didnt answer. What is everyones advice and what do people think of this siutation?
I think that he wants drugs more then you right now.Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom before they quit.It cost alot to do what he is doing and when someone is on drugs you cant reason with them.He needs to amit he has a problem first and it sounds like he is no where near amiting that.If he is doing this and your with him he will bring you down.You are doing the best thing right now by letting him know you do not approve.His family and friends will catch on to what hes doing.Keep your chin up and think of yourself now.Good luck!
Last edited by scatterd; 19th October 2009 at 8:00 PM..
You're in control of your own emotions, he can't really do anything about your emotions. But you emotions are running high and you're flat out unable to trust him. You know that, the guy knows that, and so does this forum just by reading your post.
I think it was brave and right to let him go. He needs to take care of his emotions, just like you did. I think you should stay away for the simple reason that this is destructive to *your* life.
Find a partner with the same morals and outlook on life would be my tip in this situation.
(Background: I spent 6 years with a woman that cheated on her ex-bf and did cocaine. She was wonderful in the beginning. Once off the anti-depressants she went strange after a year. She cheated. I forgave her, and she ended up leaving me anyway. I never trusted her and the drugs drove me crazy. I always pictured coming home and seeing her doing a gangbang and coke on the table. Even though she left me, I feel so relieved now. I knew what to do, I just didn't do it. I think you're in a similar situation, right?)
he was great he first year or so but i dont know now, maybe he is having a relapse. he started drinking and smoking alot more so maybe the drugs were the next thing.I just wonder if somtimes he is trying to manipulte my mind by sayin i just cant trust him, he never wants me to question anything about the drugs and thinks i should just belive him when he says he doesnt do i. but why would he be haning out with a bunch of coke heads if he wasnt, one of these freinds is a pure druggy that he just lives to do coke doesnt work or anything and is always in the pursuit of getting drugs. why does my ex want to stay my freind and contact me and say that its possible we will get back together but he is not gonna rush anything?
do you think im right in thinking he is having a relapse and doing drugs again? If he really wanted to end it wouldnt he just want to have nothing to do with me? I dont see why he tells me to move on then says mabey we will get back together but take it slow, then says he loves me, wich he hardley ever says hes not very emotional, and he gets jealous if i date other guys.. but still wants to talk and text almost everyday if i allowed it. i must not have an interesting post lol i thought i would get more responses.
at this point im not missing him nearly as much as i did at first. Though at times i do, i miss his family we all got along very well i felt party of the family. i just get mad thinking that he would pick a bunch of drug addict freinds over me, and i just feel angery and think how can he do this to me then turn to me and want to be freinds and talk on phone and pretty much have me around and be part of his life just not as a couple. right around the time we broke up he also told me he needed time to miss me, then said that i couldnt trust him with drugs, then said he didnt love me but few weeks later said that he did, then said i had temper problems and mood changes and i did get angery over the drugs, it seems like he had a lot of diffent reasons but still not sure why he still wants me in his life and then says hes not opposed to getting back together somtime. the funny thing is he tells his family that we are on a break, not broken up. wtf
forget to mention to he gets mad when i say we are not going to be freinds, i removed him off my face book and blocked him compltely and he was offended by this, and i told him i was gonna date other guys because i have been getting offers, and he said im a mind F**KER. he the one who doesnt wanna work things out and has nerve to say that to me. He hasnt text me in a week now as i have been ignoring his text.
you did the right thing, now stay away from him... it is only to your benefit to stay away.
when dealing with someone like this you will NEVER be able to make sense of most things they do or don't do - it's part of the disease. he may not be able to admit most of the things to himself even... that is also part of his world now too.
stay away... his agenda is the drug - you can't help him. you will never get the truth either.
confused, I don't know if he really is doing drugs. I can only speculate, but I believe he is.
Let this guy go. He needs to deal with himself.
I also don't understand why you're waiting for him to decide what to do next. Sounds a bit co-dependent is I may say so. I think you need to look after yourself at this stage, since I think you're spending too many moments thinking of him and the third party (drugs).
Forget other guys at this moment as well. Maybe you think you can get him a bit jealous by seeing other men, but you'll only drag it down more, you'll drag yourself down more, and innocent guys you're not ready to date anyway.
I guess what I'm recommending is to just go NC, lick your wounds for a bit, and eventually get back out there.
I just found out more information from a freind that used to hang out with my ex drug crowd, he didnt use drugs and stoped hanging out with them, but he told me his freinds talked about me behind my back saying i was changing my bf, and i woudlnt let him have any fun and that i was controling, i really wasnt i think he wanted to get away from that stuff at the time to, and i tried my best to keep him from drugs. But this kid told me that my ex used to do double he and they would do coke and stuff. Im really thinking now that is the reason he doesnt want to be together now, i just dont understand how some one could choose drugs over a healthy relationship when everthing else was going well.
i know i keep posting but its my only way to vent, but i get so mad and cant stop thinking about it, how could he belive those people over me, im good never used a drug in my life and always was looking out for him and his best intrest i was loyal, caring, and he belived those coke heads over me. then i start questioning myself and the bit of doubt that i have that he might not be doing drugs still. but how can he belive those people and pick them over me, does he honestly think they are better people?
My ex husband was using drugs for years without me realising. I did realise that money was becoming short as was his temper. He would have all sorts of explanations and excuses for the way he was acting. The main clue was going to the toilets with his mates, taking too much time in the toilets.
When i found out i tried to get him off the coke. He was good for a while ( i think) and then i noticed him looking at the guys going to the toilets like he wanted to go too.
This went on for months, he was not hte same anymore. In the end it was competely miserable, nothing fased him I couldn't trust him even to go to the shops and that is no relationship. If there is no trust then what have you got? It is worse than him going with another woman, you can compete with a woman, he needs more time to cheat with a woman.
Just run, if he thinks he needs drugs to keep him happy and he is willing to decieve you now, how you gonna feel when you settle properly and have kids.
I divorced him, he spent two years tellling everyone he loved me and he couldnt understand. I spent the last 7 years working my socks off to bring up my child, The whole experience with him was so miserable ( was married 13 years before the problem and 3 years during) anyway after that i never looked at another man. Couldn't cope with the distrust and misery. I just had my first relationship in 7 years and it was very different and so nice to be able to trust him, he just had other issues. I would rather be alone than have to worry what my man is doing alll the time,
[ then i noticed him looking at the guys going to the toilets like he wanted to go too.
this happend to me also we went to visit his coke head freinds once when they where away, then they all started doing coke in the bathroom so i said it was time to leave, he seemed iritated that we left like he wanted to stay, i had a feeling he wanted to do stuff to
its been about three weeks now that i started no contact with him, i have my good days and my bad today i feel lousy, kinda miss him and kinda mad and fustrated i wish i could just get on the phone right now and give him a piece of my mind!
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