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My ex and I had been together for more than 7 years when he broke up with me 4 years ago (sorry, miscalculated, that's why I have 5 years in the title). I went on NC and have been on NC ever since. We're both academics and I saw him at a conference last January. We had brief eye contact and I turned my head but I could see that he was still looking at me while walking away. A friend of mine saw him right after this and said his face was all white like he was extremely sad or something. (She told me this before I told her about what happened.)

He has been on my web site numerous times since September 2008. I know this because of the tracker I have on my web page. I was not able to confirm that it was him for sure but now that he's at a new institution, his IP address shows his name as part of the server's name, so now I'm 100% sure it's him. He's been on my web page 3 times in the past 5 weeks.

I think I still have feelings for him and can't help but think that he might have feelings for me as well since he's googled my name so many times (I can see he's googled, because that's how he ends up in my web site and the tracker shows this).

So, my question is, shall I send him a friendly email congratulating him on his new job? I understand that I should do this without expectations but obviously that's going to be difficult.

Can anyone see why I should NOT contact him? Thanks!

[Lamak]

Why did you two break up in the first place for so long? Have you had any other relationships since then/new life experiences since then?

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We were both grad students when we broke up and we were in a long-distance relationship for two years due to grad school. It was a really stressful time for both of us and especially for me. I think we just didn't have the energy to deal with our relationship problems in addition to all the academic problems we were facing with at the time.

I did date a guy for a while since our break up and I know he had a girlfriend for some time.

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Anyone?

[2sure]

The only reason I can see to not contact him is the fact that he knows where you are , has visited your site and has chosen to NOT contact you.

So, he has chosen to not contact you for a reason. Maybe he is curious, but not interested. Maybe he is afraid of rejection. Maybe he is married or attached.

[Leveller]

Greetings my fellow academic. IMO wait for a while (perhaps a month) and drop him an olive branch (e-mail) to see where the land lies. Life's too short than wondering what if...

As Shakespeare wrote in King Lear "Nothing Comes of Nothing, speak again"...

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Thank you for your reply 2sure. I was thinking about this too. Why has he not got into contact with me?

When he first visited my web site I thought it was pure curiosity and I understand that might be the only reason why he's been on my web site. But there isn't much that's changing on web site. Why has he been on it for so many times, especially in the last 5 weeks? 3 times in 5 weeks?

He usually visits late at night and apparently he's still in his office at 11pm on Friday nights. So, maybe he's feeling lonely? But again, as much as I feel lonely, I don't go to his web site...

He might be afraid of rejection. After all, I turned my head when I saw him at that conference. And he knows I am stubborn and hard to forgive... But I don't want to think this way because I'm afraid it would give me false hopes...

Just that he seems to be spending his weekend night in his office, I kind of assumed he was not attached. But maybe he's in a long distance relationship?

As you can see, I am quite confused right now...

[bluestraps]

Go for it !

[almostpassedit]

I hope this is not me in 5 years.