In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I have been going through a divorce and now am looking to meet someone fun. It has been 15 years of hell, but I maintained my positive attitude throughout.
I am considerate kind and caring. But for whatever reason, I cant seem to meet an interesting similar woman.
This is getting discouraging, and now that I am close to being free, I find myself becoming depressed. Unlike me in the least.
My work unfortunately keeps me moving and so I am not home very much. I am also very concerned about putting my personal information on a website that I cant control.
Not sure you're doing anything wrong, but maybe you're putting out a vibe that you really want to meet somene and it comes across as desperate?! Don't know, but there are A LOT of women out there looking for men
Yeah, the idea of dating ever again makes my stomacher turn. Not in a nervous butterfly way, in a gag way. Probably a lot of women my age feel the same way. But , I'm not divorced.
Location: My own head but trying to find a new place to dwell
Posts: 1,784
I just wish I could meet a woman who understands contemporary county music is neither contemporary or country and dancing with the stars is neither dancing nor stars. If she can resist the temptation to use the word "potty" (not that I don't love children) I may have hit jackpot.
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"There can be no Peace, Joy or Contentment in your heart, if the things you say are different to the things you do"-Xena the Buddhist Monk Warrior Princess
I am in the same boat bro, i was so used to being with somebody that the single life is plain hard now, i got things going for me but day to day its a mystery.
Not sure you're doing anything wrong, but maybe you're putting out a vibe that you really want to meet somene and it comes across as desperate?! Don't know, but there are A LOT of women out there looking for men
The irony is that this gentleman could be everything that a woman wants, he could be a great partner for a great woman - BUT if he comes across as desperate - meaning, he's longing for a quality woman for a committed relationship - he's seen as 'desperate' and women avoid him.
If this same guy stops caring, stops giving a damn about attracting a woman - they flock to him, but for all the wrong reasons.
How about trying just being yourself and hanging around members of the opposite sex with no expectations?
That's working really well for me... I have no shortage of dates... The only people I've upset so far are other men in that they don't get why I'm able to get along so well with their wife/girlfriend yet I'm not trying to steal them away. If anything, I'm just letting them introduce me to their friends, and once I've made that clear, such misunderstandings simply evaporated.
I'll reiterate I'm not even trying because I suspect that's the key to it... I'm just having a good time and women who find out I was dumped 2 months ago are shocked by the news. That said, behind closed doors, repairs are still underway. But it no longer shows so much...
So I'd advise you to just relax, get to know people, and the rest will come in time...
Very attractive, smart, fun woman, why am I alone?
We are alone...so many of us. Partially because we have been hurt...and partially because we are afraid of being hurt again.
I'm probably older than you, 48, and for me, part of the reason I'm alone is that I'm focusing my energy on my children and my career. For the past ten years I've been recovering from abandonment by my ex...and becoming a single mother.
I had much healing to go through; it sounds like you are walking down part of that road.
Along the way I've had a few dysfunctional relationships...or maybe the better way of describing them is learning experiences. I jumpted into one quickly, as a life preserver. I don't recommend that.
My next was more healthy, but still not a real partnership because I was not willing to open my life to another man yet. And at that time my ex was getting married to his OW.
Now I'm beginning to feel like I'm ready. And I'm realizing that I get more attention than I thought.
So here is my suggestion to you. You are so focused inward that you miss the attention you may already be getting. And it may be a very good thing that you are alone, because it will give you some time to heal.
To be honest, my first relationship was all about regaining my self-confidence, I was a basket case after he left. The second was about exploration, I found the parts of myself that had been hidden during the marriage. I am now more "me" than I was before.
You will need to find yourself, and be a solid centered person. For many woment attraction not about what you look like, or your intelligence, or your personality. It is about more than chemistry, or passion. It is really about connecting, and trusting, and eventually loving.
I'm getting my own groove back after a divorce, and this summer I met someone wonderful.
How did I do it? By being happy on my own. Seriously, when my ex and I separated, I made up my mind that it was my time to fall in love with ME - and so I started doing things that made me feel good about my life. I made a list of "me things" I've always wanted to do and started doing them (one was taking bellydance classes!). I bought a cute little house that I could afford, and I made it completely mine - painted it the colors I liked, planted flowers I loved, bought bedroom furniture that was completely to my taste. No decisions "went to committee!" I spent my lonelier times doing things I loved, like reading in the sun, digging around in my vegetable garden, volunteering at the local community theatre.
When I met my sweetie, my happiness and contentment is what he saw... and he said he was drawn to how "together" I was. I had my own life, my own happiness, and my own sense of self - and he said it was so contagious that he wanted to be a part of my life in the worst way.
So... I think that's it. Be happy with yourself and the rest will follow.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I spent my lonelier times doing things I loved, like reading in the sun, digging around in my vegetable garden, volunteering at the local community theatre.
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