what, if any, is the appropriate age to spank a child?
this is an offshoot of the thread titled "something iver wondered". what age and what behaviors do think its good/okay to spank? i know this is a sensitive topic, but i don't feel super strong about it.. im more looking for your insights. like i said in the other thread, i think that there are appropriate times for it, but i think it would suck.. thoughts?
I don't agree with spanking beyond a single swat on the behind to catch the attention of a small child in full tantrum mode. It is only to startle them and get them listening to you. What age this stops being appropriate depends on the intelligence of the child rather than the age. Once they are intelligent enough to be reasoned with, resorting to violence is a clear indication of the adult's flawed character rather than the child's disposition.
That being said, once my son is at my eye level or taller, should he ever get it in his head to raise his hands to me in anger - he might end up needing medical attention.
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I would give my daughter a one-swat spank during her tantrums until she was about 3-4 (I did that MAYBE 5 or 6 times total), after that it seemed silly because taking away her favorite toys then worked just as effectively. Before that age she couldn't extrapolate as well. But once we instituted the "ok, you've lost everything in your bed" (where she used to have an army of stuffed animals and dolls) we rarely had temper tantrums. She's lost all her bed toys exactly twice, and since then the behavior has never warranted anything more severe than a stern talking to.
We're tough on her, but I believe we are fair, and she is an extremely well behaved and polite kid.
A very small child is incapable of understanding a reasonable explanation, and the easiest way to teach them good behaviour is to smack them lightly and say very firmly "No, that's naughty". Also sometimes a quick response is required, such as when a child reaches out to a hot fire... the instinctive response is to slap their hand away from the fire and tell them No. Note that I'm talking about a light smack to get their attention and reinforce that they shouldn't do that, not a full-on spanking or a hard slap. There's no excuse for ever spanking or beating a child - it makes you into a bully, and when the child is old enough to understand an explanation and a punishment such as no tv, then such punishments are much better than violence. Once a child reaches a certain age they find physical punishment humiliating and will attempt to retaliate - I've seen this in children as young as 3 or 4 - while a punishment such as no tv will make the child sulky but won't make it retaliate, so it's more likely to reflect on its own behaviour rather than feeling resentful of yours.
That being said, once my son is at my eye level or taller, should he ever get it in his head to raise his hands to me in anger - he might end up needing medical attention.
You're already planning on him doing that?
Sheesh. What kind of kid did you raise
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Well peaceful guy, as you can see, this is a controversial topic on LS. Hopefully, it's given you the answers you need to help you formulate your opinion.
I'll only add that there are over 20 countries worldwide who've banned spanking. My country is working its way to this, as well. As it stands, it's against the law to strike a child under two or a teenager. We're working towards protecting all children from this. The last I heard, the anti-spanking legislation has passed the House of Commons. I don't know where it stands, as at now, considering how much political upheaval there's been that's been fracking with our legislature.
Having said all this, my perspective is non-personal. What members have done with their own children, has nothing to do with me. It's their life and their children.
well peaceful guy, as you can see, this is a controversial topic on ls. Hopefully, it's given you the answers you need to help you formulate your opinion.
I'll only add...
lol Just one more thing, though...... LW
Last edited by donnamaybe; 8th October 2009 at 10:21 AM..
As a suggestion, how about you add to the discussion, instead of slagging other people's posts? Your personal attacks just get tiring and are non-productive.
Edit - Mea, it's great to see a parent who's applied the different methodology of not spanking!
Last edited by Trialbyfire; 8th October 2009 at 1:34 PM..
this is an offshoot of the thread titled "something iver wondered". what age and what behaviors do think its good/okay to spank? i know this is a sensitive topic, but i don't feel super strong about it.. im more looking for your insights. like i said in the other thread, i think that there are appropriate times for it, but i think it would suck.. thoughts?
Not under 3 years, and not over 12 -- that's my advice!
Also, state what you are doing and WHY. Spank on the thigh or the butt -- Never on the head, etc.
It helps to have something like a Wooden Spoon which you stomp off to get, pull open the drawer... usually the kid will comply super quick, even after you've warned them verbally -- the sound of the spoon being retrieved does it.
If no spoon available, the hand will do. Enough to smart. Not to bruise!!!!
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