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I don't think that "AA or the morgue" are the only options. I'm an ex-alcoholic and I've made a full recovery and put my life back together without AA...there are good approaches besides the 12 step programme (I'm not saying that AA/12-step is no good, I'm just saying that it's not the best option for everybody). And yes, I still drink - just in very careful moderation these days. It isn't necessarily true that if you've once had a problem with alcohol then your only route to recovery is to cut out drink completely forever. I was tee-total for a while, but these days I can enjoy a couple of glasses of wine every now and again and not lose control. Some people can never return to "safe" or "normal" drinking - but some can. Just don't kid yourself that it'll be easy to begin with (it's easy for me now, but I had to work very hard on myself for a long time and be brutally honest with myself during the process). I believe that the problem lies in your thought process and emotions, not in the substance itself. Only you truly know what motivates you to drink in harmful ways...and only you can fix it when you feel that the time is right (though there are people that can help you once you do feel up to it).
If you know that you're not ready to make the change then you have to work out what you are ready or prepared to do. For now, harm reduction is probably your best approach. Firstly - PLEASE stop driving when you're drunk. I met somebody in rehab who had killed his friend while he'd been driving under the influence and it pretty much ruined his life...you don't ever want to get into a situation where you have that sort thing on your hands. I understand how it is to be a dependent drinker, so please don't think that I'm judging you. What you do with your own life is up to you - but try not to harm other people in the process.
Withdrawal seizures are pretty serious. If you at the point where you have a physical need for alcohol then it isn't safe to just "go cold turkey". Medically, it's actually more difficult to get a person off alcohol than it is to get them off heroin - while heroin withdrawal is apparently awful, it's very unlikely to kill someone. However, alcohol withdrawal seizures can be deadly. So you need to try to just taper off your drinking rather than just cutting it out for days at a time. I do know what I'm talking about by the way - I was in medical school before a drink problem forced me to leave and seek help.
If you get to the point when you think that you might like to quit, seek professional advice from a doctor, nurse or addiction specialist - it's much better to have some kind of supervision while you come off the stuff. For now though, just be as careful as you can. Try to remember to eat as well as drink. It's a good idea if you can remember to take a vitamin B complex supplement, as alcoholics often have a B vitamin deficiency which causes a specific type of anaemia and is part of the cause of brain damage that drinkers can get.
Good luck and take care x
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