[tg0623]

Hello to all, I have a situation that is boggling my mind down. I do not know what to make of it or how to take it either. I had recently gotten into a terrible fight with my wife which had made her leave me with my two daughters for about a week. We worked things out and i had went and gotten help for my alcohol problem. She came home with the kids a few days ago because i finally stopped promising to stop drinking and actually got help. i should have done that along time ago i feel so much different now and she is happy as well.

So for the mind boggling part.... while she was gone she changed the email account password to show she was really ticked at me which was fine cause i know how to get around that. Which i actually did with out her knowing. well, I would check the email here and there. one night i saw an email from her girlfriend stating

" the other night when we were talking you had said that you do not even love him, but me and you both know if that was true you would have left him a long time ago. He just needs help with the alcohol, he is not a bad guy at all, he is just a good guy with bad habits that he does not know how to control or deal with himself but needs to get help for it."

So after i read that i kinda got really sad and depressed. After she came home i asked her if she loves me. She said yes that is why i came back and if i did not i would have left you a long time ago. but to me she is telling me what her friend had said to her.

Now knowing this, i did not tell her, i still have not told her that i saw the email. I also asked her would you have said things like you hate me or you do not even love me due to you being very mad at me while you were gone. She said yes but only cause i was mad at you at the time. I asked her why dont you look me in the eyes and tell me you love me. she did...

Now you know the saying that its easier to keep her right? well, that is what is going through my mind right now is that she thinks it is just easier to keep me then us to split up... i do not want to think to deep into this but it just bothers me when i read "i do not even love him" god only knows if that was just cause she was soooo pissed at me at the time which i know she was but then i think maybe she has not loved me the last 5 years and just stayed with me due to the kids or things just are easier this way. Any help out there? thanks

[alphamale]

actions talk louder than words in an email

[tg0623]

wow, you know what you are right.... and for the weirdest reason i do not know why i did not think that myself when the other day i told her the same thing that actions speak louder then words. lol ...

That is exactly what i needed to hear thank you for clearing my head up... i could have dwelled on that for the next month before i would have thought that and god only knows what damage i would have created with her due to insecurity....

[TaraMaiden]

I think you should be grateful that she has the friend she has, because it seems to me that her friend made her realise that your wife does still love you.

It was the Alcoholic Drunken Man you had become, she hated.

Because the ADM, was not the man she married.
You had become a different person.
Alcohol changes who you are, it does. And stopping the alcohol has made you feel better.
And it's made you happier.
And she can see the man she married, once again.

I'm sure she does love you.
And I'm equally sure you are not out of the woods, yet.
I would suggest talking to her. Ask her what she needs from you.
Ask her if she hated the alcoholic you had become, and does she still love you, the man she married?
I have a feeling she will say yes.
But I hope you can keep this up, because it looks to me as if you have salvation at your fingertips.
Don't let what you think, bring you down.
Talk.
Be there for her and tell her you will do whatever you can to make it good, but that you need her support, love and input.
Ask her to tell you what she needs.
And work together, to achieve it together.
Good luck stay dry, be well.

[alphamale]

Originally Posted by tg0623

That is exactly what i needed to hear thank you for clearing my head up...

you're welcome

[tg0623]

Tara, thanks for your response. I also needed to hear that as well before i start to get on her case about something that is not there. I would have blown it all out of proportion but for sure if i still was drinking i would have been worse about it. Like you said i became a drunken mad man, it did change me and i did not see it but now that i have been sober, your right i feel a lot different and i learned my lesson with her and will not drink again. Though it is hard lately i have been having cravings and at times it will mess with my attitude, kinda gets me crabby but i will get through it. I know it is called withdrawl and they have that fake beer like o'douls or sharps that has the taste but has next to nothing alcohol in it. I heard a six pack would be less then half a real beer but i do not even want to try that. I have that mentality that i can just stop and so far so good its been 11 days. I also am seeing a alcoholism specialist for this and i see him tomorrow morning, he is gonna give me some tools or excersises to help me, not only that i was told to keep busy which will help battle this. So i told my wife i will take on cooking, working on the house alot, and guitar which i have had for 4 years now and not used it though its a begginers guitar i need to keep busy.

But i do see now that she did not mean what she said i just needed opinions thanks guys