[NotSoSmiley]

Wow-where to start...I was with my boyfriend for 4 years...most was pretty good. We started off as friends and we shared everything had a little trouble making the transition to lovers and it resulted in a rough patch 2 years ago but we were able to work through it and our relationship was even stronger than I thought it could possibly be.

Now, I knew that he had a drinking problem but he stopped drinking Jack Daniels (which surprised me) and he had more energy than before and we were having a great time together. There was no lack of trust, love or respect. Fast forward to the New Year....I started noticing rolled up pieces of paper around his apt and then even around my apt. He was on pain killers because of his back (he hurt several years ago on the job). Then one day I actually catch him snorting his pain pills-I had never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life. He told me that by snorting it helped the medication relieve the pain that much faster. Now, I knew that was a bunch of bs and I told him so. What I didn't realize (until after I did a lot of research) was how dangerous and addictive this was. I confronted him about it but it was too late.

In February he asked me to move in with him; we had been talking about a family and buying a house this fall but that was before I knew he was snorting pills. And by this point, his mood swings were so apparent and I was miserable. He wasn't expecting me to say "no" and was very hurt. But, I knew his situation was not going to get any better if I moved in with him and I would just get caught in the middle. What hurt the most is that I loved this man very much and I did want to spend my life with him and I couldn't do anything to help him.

At the end of March he broke up with me-which I saw coming; he can never be alone. What I didn't anticipate was he would cut off all contact with me and our mutual friends; the new girlfriend didn't want him talking to me and didn't want him talking to anyone who could give him any information on me. Then, I find out that as of July 1st, he moves in with the new girlfriend.

Haven't talked to him since the end of March except he did send me a birthday text a few weeks ago; wanted me to be good, hoped I was well and told me that I'd hear from him again. He isn't happy but he no one wants to give him an apartment-he did a good job of burning his bridges before moving in with this woman.

Anyhow, I saw him at the beach on Monday. Actually, he saw me first and I felt someone staring at me; it took me quite a few minutes to recognize him. While he did have sunglasses on, he looked horrible. He was with her and didn't say anything to me-didn't really expect him to, considering how insanely jealous she is. But, it killed me all over again to see how lousy he looked.

I have been seeing a therapist and I am doing much better but Monday's siting through me for a loop. My feelings for him have changed but the love will always be there in some way...when you plan on spending your life with someone, you never forget that person. At the same time, I know I had to look out for me first because he was so messed up at the end, he wasn't looking out for me-not like he used to.

My question is has anyone been through this? They do come back, don't they? Is it bad? How long does it take to feel better?

Thank you.