Why do men look at other women?!

[Dina2208]

So, this always seems to be the big topic that gets a lot of girls fighting back, and something to be always jealous about. I had a talk with my boyfriend tonight. I always used to ask him if he would look at other girls, and he would deny it and swear that he wasn't lying. Until he finally confessed it today. He said the reason why he didn't want to admit that he does that is because he was scared of my reaction, when really it hurt just as much when he lied to me for so long about it, and told just confessed it to me now. But deep down, I kinda knew all along that he would now and again look at some "hot" chick walking by, or "going in his field of vision" as he calls it. I told him how it makes me feel, and he said that all guys do it, and sometimes we CANT control it. I know he still loves me, but it makes me feel like a piece of **** when I catch him do it. I feel like "well what does she have that I dont have?" or "is he looking at her ass or whatever because mines not good enough?" It always seems to bring me down. For example, today we went to wonderland, and we went to the water park, and of course, there's good looking girls with nice bodies and pierced belly buttons or whatever, and I knew in my gut that whenever there was a nice looking girl he would take a little peak. I mean, I do get over it, but it lags on for a while and I keep thinking to myself, "well work out more, maybe he wouldnt have to look at other girls" Is that really the case? Do they look because perhaps you have to work on yourself? Do they look because its just instinct? Do they look to make us jealous? Is it all the above?

 

I would really like to just get over it, and not let it bug me as much as it does. Girls, women? what do you do when this has happend to you? And hey, if there are any guys on this forum, please put your input!

[TaraMaiden]

Your posts screams one thing, and one thing only:

 

"I am deeply insecure about myself!"

 

Guys will always look at girls. It's a natural instinct. That's what they're supposed to do.

It's part of being a guy.

Women don't do it as much, but we do it.....

 

A comedian in the UK, Michael McIntyre, had a stand-up show.... he's funny.

he described how his wife - whom he adores, and has a new baby with - came to him one day, and said,

"Darling, just for the fun of it, let's make a list of all the people we fancy the pants off.... who we'd bosh, if you or I weren't around... let's! It'll be fun!"

 

So he said, they made their lists, and then she cried, in glee -

"Ok, me first, me first...! One! Brad Pitt, Two, Johnny Depp, Three, George Clooney.....Ok, now it's your turn...."

He looked at his list, and knew he was doomed...

"One, your sister......"

 

Guys are basic, and love to look. And just because they look, it doesn't mean it's real, for them. They're just looking..... If something's attractive, they look!

(I look at puppies, and diamond rings in exactly the same way, so it's even....)

 

Listen.

You have work to do on you, because if you love him - and he loves you - then it's not something that should be an issue.

if it is, then, unless he turns, follows them drooling and you don't see him again for 3 days - you have got to consider your own self-image, self-worth and self esteem as of primary importance.

You are the best thing you have got.

Polish it up, because you're worth it.

[deux ex machina]

...Guys will always look at girls. It's a natural instinct. That's what they're supposed to do.

It's part of being a guy.

Women don't do it as much, but we do it.....

 

Men will look. It's hardwired into them, bless their hearts! Lol

 

I promise you this is true. When he looks at someone, it's no reflection on his affections toward you, at all. Just like when a guy looks at you, it really doesn't mean he wants to jump you (right there and then - Lol ) - he probably has a sweetheart at home he loves very much - but he'll still look!

 

It wouldn't matter if you were the most beautiful woman in the world.

 

So please don't take it personally.

[Dina2208]

I really appreciate all of the advice!

 

Yeah, I kinda figured its a natural thing, just sometimes it does make us feel a little insecure! I know he loves me and only me -- so im keeping that truth in my heart!

 

Thanks again!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Don't you look at guys if they happen past you while your out say shopping maybe at the mall? I know I do!

 

I mean I look but were not talking turn my head and drool while fondling myself lovingly!

 

No but for real its human nature to look at things we find attractive now if he was talking to them thats a different story.

 

I have a partner I care very much about but yea Ill look ill admit it and it has no bearing at all on how much I care about him.

 

You need to relax and learn some self confidence who knows he may be looking at her and saying to himself how much more he likes you! not every things neg in life

[Dina2208]

I'm still making a big deal about though. Like I keep talking to my boyfriend about it, and he said he's getting fed up. I just want to talk to him about it, because I like communication and honesty. So, I'm guessing thats a sign to just accept it and move on?

[Thaddeus]

I'm still making a big deal about though. Like I keep talking to my boyfriend about it, and he said he's getting fed up. I just want to talk to him about it, because I like communication and honesty. So, I'm guessing thats a sign to just accept it and move on?

If he's telling you he's fed up, he's not kidding.

 

Communication is one thing, you've obviously done that and I commend you for it.

 

Beating a dead horse is another thing entirely.

[Lucky_One]

I'm still making a big deal about though. Like I keep talking to my boyfriend about it, and he said he's getting fed up. I just want to talk to him about it, because I like communication and honesty. So, I'm guessing thats a sign to just accept it and move on?

 

Yes.

 

Accept it and MOVE ON with it.

 

Poor guy!

[TaraMaiden]

My partner has serious communication problems. I mean, extreme.

But if you do try to communicate one issue over and over again, I would reckon it might try anybody's patience.

 

The reason you keep trying to talk about it, is not because you want to talk about it, and you like communication and honesty.

It's because you need reassurance and confirmation that it means nothing to him.

You seek validation.

 

It's an easy thing to say, "Accept it and move on"... but you know you can't do that, until you're comfortable with it.

And you're obviously not.

So what do you plan to do about it?

[Dina2208]

Well, I'm just going to have the state of mind that, he loves me, hes with me for a reason and not her, and think of all the nice qualities that I have that he appreciates me for. Thinking that right now, is making me feel more confident about myself! I just have to stay confident.

[butcher's hook]

I'm still making a big deal about though. Like I keep talking to my boyfriend about it, and he said he's getting fed up. I just want to talk to him about it, because I like communication and honesty. So, I'm guessing thats a sign to just accept it and move on?

 

 

Knock it off!!! What do you still need to talk about? That's not liking to communciate that is being obsessive. Poor guy! He looks at other women when you are not around, BIG DEAL!!

 

You need to stop beating this dead horse of a topic, he came clean and answered your question now move on. He loves you and chooses to be with you, of course he looks at other women EVERYONE does. Just like women look at other men, you will eventually too. There is nothing wrong with that. Humans appreciate beauty that's just the way it is, and there will be millions of beautiful women he will admire over the course of your lives together so please accept that it's not going to change ever, you really need to accept that. What he is doing is completely natural people look, it's why we have eyes.

[harmfulsweetz]

Men will always look, even if they are with Angelina Jolie they will look elsewhere. Just the way it is.

 

It doesn't reflect on how he sees you, or how he feels for you, if he is so attracted to these girls, he would be with them, not you. You need to do alot of work on yourself, and this means also letting the poor guy off the hook. No wonder he lied, he didn't want this agro.

 

A strong healthy relationship requires communication and honesty, but the thing is, how much more honest do you expect him to be? Are you going to keep pestering him to give you the answers you want? You need validation, but the only person who can validate you is yourself. Every woman has been there, felt inferior and ugly/plain when their man looks at a pretty girl, but you need to accept yourself, not it. Any man you get with will do the same.

 

Work on you. Write a list of all your good points (physical, mental, intellectual, social etc) and repeat it when you feel like you need reassurance. Ignore men's habits. I'm twice as bad as my man for looking hehe.

[Dina2208]

I really appreciate everyones point of views, even if they are aggressive, i guess thats the only way it will sink in my brain. I will write a list of the things I like about myself, i think that will be one way to reassure myself of the great person I am.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dina...you trying to tell us that you NEVER look at a guy and think to yourself, "boy, he is hot!"

 

if the answer is no, that you do not look at other men and think that, ....ya right.

 

everyone looks. the difference is who breaks their neck to look and make stupid comments in front of their SO's and who don't.

[batinhell66]

I think looking at other women while you're hanging out with him is kind of disrespectful. My boyfriend used to be the "random homosexual staring at his iphone in a perfectly awesome strip club" (so I referred to him as). If you're just panicking over your bf staring at girls while you're not around, it's just something that's easily dealt with by keeping busy. Sometimes it's our overactive imagination that gets the best of us, and we usually have huge "day-mares" about a bunch of hot girls taking turns on guys we like or our boyfriends (or girlfriends).

I say you should bitch to your friends, and they'll usually take care of immediate insecurities. Try not to worry and just have fun. Here's a strange coincidence: Boyfriends usually start looking after they start feeling a lack of confidence in their girlfriend.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Is this a serious question? Were men..no matter how hot my GF is..i will always look at other women..just built it.

[AlektraClementine]

bless their hearts! Lol

 

 

 

You must be from the south!

[AlektraClementine]

Also- and men...please don't take this personally. Or do. Whichever.

 

Women are just slicker about the peeks they sneak.

[carhill]

Not really. You'd be surprised what an observant man notices

[AlektraClementine]

darn. really?

[carhill]

Nah, you're safe. Most guys are clueless. I just laugh

[Dina2208]

batinhell66, thanks for your comment, i think yours was really honest and nice. I'm trying not to worry about it anymore. And for the guys that answered to my thread, thanks to you too. But, from a guys point of view, how come guys look at other girls when your with your GF? What goes on in a guys mind? lol

[carhill]

I never did, whether with a GF or my wife. It's disrespectful in my book. My personality is I only have eyes for the woman I'm with. It was only after much rancor, MC, and disconnection emotionally that I began to notice other women, though generally not when with my wife.

[deux ex machina]

You must be from the south!

 

No, Ma'am.

 

"Bless their hearts"?

 

One thing I do admire about the south is the whole "damn with faint praise" thing that many can do.

 

Done well, it is subtle, never an unkind word is spoken - yet it does get it's point across.

 

"Bless their hearts" can be taken a few ways, yes?

 

Ohhh, and one of the best both charming and hilarious ones I heard?

 

Barbara Bush, former First Lady, speaking of her son GW:

 

"He's not...one of us."

 

I have no idea if the story is apocryphal or not, but if it's true? I do believe she picked up the fine art somewhere in Texas. Lol

[Hkizzle]

A comedian in the UK, Michael McIntyre, had a stand-up show.... he's funny.

he described how his wife - whom he adores, and has a new baby with - came to him one day, and said,

"Darling, just for the fun of it, let's make a list of all the people we fancy the pants off.... who we'd bosh, if you or I weren't around... let's! It'll be fun!"

 

So he said, they made their lists, and then she cried, in glee -

"Ok, me first, me first...! One! Brad Pitt, Two, Johnny Depp, Three, George Clooney.....Ok, now it's your turn...."

He looked at his list, and knew he was doomed...

"One, your sister......"

 

.

 

For the OP, it's natural instinct, men can't help it.

 

For Taramaiden, hahahha, that's a funny one.